5yr old asking questions about heaven and extremely upset

[Miss_d]

Last week my son asked me what happend when you died, i was shocked at that question and kind of stumbled my answer, he started getting really upset saying he doesnt want me to die when i am old, i mean he was braking his heart, i explained to him that he shouldnt worry about it, i will be fine and i am here for a very long time, calmed him down heard no more until he got up through the night breaking his wee heart again about it, hes been up all night worrried and crying, how do i explain this to him, without upsetting him anymore? is this something i should be concerned about? or do you think its a phase and will pass by?

If i can get the right answers i will speak to him this morning, i feel so sorry for him and so upset that this is going through his mind, he is a sensitive boy anyway but this is really upsetting him.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[aly888]

Sorry, no advice. Just wanted to give you some hugs coz it must be awful seeing your LO upset like this

 

[Miss_d]

Thanks it is very upsetting and i am really worried as to where its all came from, i dont know if its normal to ask these questions or not, dont know if i should speak to my health visitor, or maybe i am making a big deal out of nothing, i am confused. Feel so sorry for him, ive just left him sleeping this morning so looks like he will be having a day of school, he had hardly any sleep last night x

 

[faun]

We had this question from both the older 2 at about this age we just told them that when someone dies they get to go to a special place called heaven where everyone you love who has died will be and all their favourite things will be there like the special teddy for bedtime and best toys and pets and that you can eat and drink whatever you like and that heaven is like the best party ever but lasts forever, every one is happy and never sad no one gets ill and no one ever leaves. That it is sad when someone dies as we won't see them till we go to heaven but they can see us and know when we are happy or sad and they will protect us like a guardian angel and when we feel most alone they will be there even if we can't see them so they are never alone. I hope this helps it worked with my 2 and they are a bit upset when someone dies but they know they are going to the giant party in the sky.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

It is very sad when they ask and children deal with it differently. My son knows what I like to do and has come to the spiritualist church with me. He kinds of gets the gist but not 100% lol he knows your body no longer works but your spirit will. Hugs hope your ok xx I dont say much about heaven because I dont want them to hear hell and get scared but I say in the sky with the stars x

 

[Miss_d]

so is this normal then? and for him to be upset? as i say he is sensitive. x

 

[jellybean83]

I had exactly this with my 5 year old only a few weeks ago...hes also a sensitive boy and was really crying when he was asking me about death and the thought of me dying...I told him that when people die they go up to heaven in a magic hot air balloon and that in heaven all your toys and favourite things are there...i said it was a bit like a big birthday party and everybody is there to see you and welcome you but he doesn't need to worry about it yet because its not happening for a very very long time....It seemed to settle him it was the best i could come up with on the hop...He also cried watching the news the other day with the floods in Pakistan...He told me i could send some of is toys to the kids over there who don't have any....I had to go in the kitchen and cry......I don't think we realise how much kids actually take in.

 

[smokey]

Its very normal, I used to wake up in complete panick attacks as a child and would just cry and sob for my mum and dad and just be hysterical crying to them that i didnt want them to die and I would just be up all night crying, this started when I was about 5 and (this is probably just me personaly being a bit odd) I didnt actualy outgrow it untill about 5 years ago.
Obviously it got less severe but even at age 20 odd id still just wake up some nights in cold sweats and one time driving home from work I just suddenly broke down in tears for no reason and hubby had to pull over it was still effecting me that much.

Im not saying that your little boy will go on this long, all kids go through this phase of questioning why death happens and I think it part of a seperation anxiety and scared of change thing especialy if somthing big is changing in his life at the moment like school, is he starting a new one or changing or going up into an important year.
Also for some reason I used to find myself at my worst around my birthday.
I think why mine started was my mum had to go back to work at about this age and she was working nights in one place and days in another and I found it realy hard to see her go off but didnt want to say anything to upset her (no idea why I even thought of that at 5) and I spent alot of my time being picked up from school by babysitter and a aunt I hated.

Only real advice I can give is reasure him that you are here, you will always be here if he needs you, my mum gave me a teddy that you could leave a message on and it played her message when you press its tummy and I found that very comferting maybe try that as a reasurance when he needs it.
And just give him loads of big hugs and sloppy kisses

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Mine get upset about losing me if they see something on tv. Its normal I say x

 

[Boothh]

We had this question from both the older 2 at about this age we just told them that when someone dies they get to go to a special place called heaven where everyone you love who has died will be and all their favourite things will be there like the special teddy for bedtime and best toys and pets and that you can eat and drink whatever you like and that heaven is like the best party ever but lasts forever, every one is happy and never sad no one gets ill and no one ever leaves. That it is sad when someone dies as we won't see them till we go to heaven but they can see us and know when we are happy or sad and they will protect us like a guardian angel and when we feel most alone they will be there even if we can't see them so they are never alone. I hope this helps it worked with my 2 and they are a bit upset when someone dies but they know they are going to the giant party in the sky.

that is an absolutly great answer, im going to copy and paste that until i need it, thankyou xxx

 

[leeanne]

This stage is perfectly normal. They go through the stage where they think people live forever as they know nothing about death, and then the learn about death and they fear losing their mom and dad.

My older two used to tell me that they didn't want me to ever be a grandma. LOL I think they thought I'd die then.

 

[Miss_d]

This stage is perfectly normal. They go through the stage where they think people live forever as they know nothing about death, and then the learn about death and they fear losing their mom and dad.

My older two used to tell me that they didn't want me to ever be a grandma. LOL I think they thought I'd die then.

awww i know i shouldnt laugh but the last bit was funny, tell them that when they are older lol x

 

[leeanne]

LOL I definitely will. They used to cry when saying it too which was so sad Yet I can't help but laugh about it too.

 

[smokey]

Brian has been lucky enough to still have 3 sets of great grandparents but I get so upset when I think of the downside of this, this means within the first 10 years of his life he risks losing alot of people hes very close to and just makes me very anxious and upset for what he will be going through

 

[Lara310809]

I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I have been thinking about it, because I know that once she's presented with the idea of death, or someone mentions heaven, she will probably ask questions.

I'm not religious, and I don't believe in the idea of heaven, so I would probably tell her that we become stars when we die, like in the Lion King. I will say that all of our loved ones are already stars, and is she looks up into the sky, she will see them all right there. And that whenever they need someone who has died, all they have to do is look up, and they will be shining down on them and that the light they cast in the night sky is the light they use to watch over her. If she needs to talk to someone that has passed (e.g. if I or my OH go), I will say that whoever she's after will be the brightest star in the sky, because we know that she needs comfort, so we shine bright to help her find us. And that while we may not be able to respond, we are always listening and always there, and all we want is for her to be happy. I hope that if she needs it, it will give her some comfort. if she asks why people have to go, I will just say something like "it was their time to shine" or "there weren't enough stars in the sky, so she was chosen to help shine over the earth"

 

[aob1013]

Oh bless his little heart

All you can do is keep reassuring him that you and him will be around for a very very long time xxx