:'(

[GemmaLeanne]

So OH just casually came out with "why are we setting ourselves up for more hasstle" (referring to the new baby) i left the comment at that and carried on with the cooking.. came into the front room and said "you are going to stand by me arent you?"...

he did no more than said "i dont even know if i want another kid. i;m just being forced into it"



i know the subject of abortion isnt one to be discussed on here, but we did talk about it when i first found out (i was on the pill, were currently financially unstable and have a 7 month old daughter) we agreed to keep the baby and sort out the finiancial problem over the next few months.. I just cant get over how he'd say something like that.

i feel so hurt and betrayed.

 

[keepontrying]

Im sorry to hear this, maybe he is having a bad day and worrying more than usual?

x

 

[akjk]

Wow! That's sad to think he could be so cruel to you! Money shouldn't be an issue compaired to a child imo sorry he did that to you!! you'll get thru it!

 

[3buutifulgirl]

I was 19 years old when I had my first baby and me and OH where living with his aunt and uncle at the time...He mention something like "I'm not paying child support!" I was devastated....I flat out told him you are a little boy not a man!!! The next morning at like 3 am he woke me up and apologized about the situation...Maybe he will come around to the decision that works best for y'all!!! I would never give up one of my children, but hey everyone is different...You need to do what you need to do for yourself and not worry about what your OH or anyone else thinks...Do you have support from family or friends??? I hate to say it, but if it came down to it and it was me I would kick his ass and say my baby is more important to me than you are so you can just not worry about me and my kids, but I have a supportive family!!! Without support I know it would be really hard!!! Hope all turns out well for you

 

[GemmaLeanne]

I honestly dont know why hes being like this. he was saying earlier how his lifes over now (he doesnt see one child as a reason to not go out and thinks that now hes going to be tied down) I resented everyone when my daughter arrived because i was stuck indoors but frankly, i acctually prefer spending time with my daughter than going out etc. I dont think theres such thing as your life being over, children are not an end theyre a new beggining...

wow. if im honest, i think by the time this pregnancy draws to an end, if he hasnt already ran for the door like a coward, i give it untill thhe baby is a few weeks old before he runs away from responsibility.

scary to think he acctually said he wanted another child. can you imagine if this hadnt been failed contraception but hed acctually managed to talk me round to the idea of having another one so close and then dropped this bombshell?!

 

[v2007]

I am sorry but if he didn't want any more children then in the words of JK 'Put summat on the end of it'



V xxx

 

[Nikki1120]

First off, send the idiot to me he needs a slap, secondly hun, only YOU can decide what to do, your body and only YOU will have to go through it, your baby your choice, i'm sure he'll come around to the idea anyways, men always have to throw a hissy fit at first, either way, he should support you at this time, not be throwing around mindless comments like that, on the up side, two babies close together? win win ;D

 

[GemmaLeanne]

I was 19 years old when I had my first baby and me and OH where living with his aunt and uncle at the time...He mention something like "I'm not paying child support!" I was devastated....I flat out told him you are a little boy not a man!!! The next morning at like 3 am he woke me up and apologized about the situation...Maybe he will come around to the decision that works best for y'all!!! I would never give up one of my children, but hey everyone is different...You need to do what you need to do for yourself and not worry about what your OH or anyone else thinks...Do you have support from family or friends??? I hate to say it, but if it came down to it and it was me I would kick his ass and say my baby is more important to me than you are so you can just not worry about me and my kids, but I have a supportive family!!! Without support I know it would be really hard!!! Hope all turns out well for you

I have already told him theres not a ''choice'' anymore. its either stand by me or walk. iv bonded already. we had an early scan last week etc. and he cant turn on and off being a father, because he already is one! hes just so indecisive. i just want to shake him and tell him to wake the fuck up this is real not a fuckin xbox game

 

[3buutifulgirl]

that is a bunch of bs if you ask me only a little boy would act like that...if he decides to leave you with them babies tell him "don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!" Those babies will love you for life and no one I mean NO ONE else will love you like they will!!! Keep that in mind!!!

 

[yumosh]

I'm sorry you're going through this but let's be real too: it's our men who put a roof over our heads (those of us who do of course). I think it's perfectly natural for men, who hadn't planned a baby, to be shit scared of the financial responsibility.

I actually think you should talk to him and work out a budget. Make him feel like he's not on his own and you'll help financially where you can.

I'm sick of women assuming it's their human right to breed without thinking who is going to provide while you're playing mum. Usually it's our men who miss out on time with their kids and partners cos they are slogging it out to put food on the table.

I'm not saying this you. I really hope you keep your baby. I just feel us women forget where the nappies come from! My hubby is really worried too money wise. All men are. Life's a compromise. Help him out of it rather than judge.


Be patient and provide solutions. I'm just being practical.

 

[Jaysmummy]

I'm sorry you're going through this but let's be real too: it's our men who put a roof over our heads (those of us who do of course). I think it's perfectly natural for men, who hadn't planned a baby, to be shit scared of the financial responsibility.

I actually think you should talk to him and work out a budget. Make him feel like he's not on his own and you'll help financially where you can.

I'm sick of women assuming it's their human right to breed without thinking who is going to provide while you're playing mum. Usually it's our men who miss out on time with their kids and partners cos they are slogging it out to put food on the table.

I'm not saying this you. I really hope you keep your baby. I just feel us women forget where the nappies come from! My hubby is really worried too money wise. All men are. Life's a compromise. Help him out of it rather than judge.


Be patient and provide solutions. I'm just being practical.

Er sorry but what era are you living in??????? I know for damn sure in my household we BOTH put food on the table and roofs over our heads!!! A lot of women also miss out on time with their kids because they work, we don't live in the 1920s anymore! Also the OP isn't saying its her human right to breed without thinking who is going to provide, it was an accident, unfortunately these happen!

Right to the OP, my OH hs been like this before and to be fair they "usually" come round, its sort of like they need to throw their toys out of the pram for a little while, especially if it was unplanned, and sometimes even if it was.

Hope everything works out for you hun

xx

 

[JadeCrusader]

<removed by user>

 

[1liz9]

I'm so sorry. They usually do come around. Like many women today,I'm actually the main bread-winner in my household. My DH has a great job, but to address the previous comment made - I bring home more bacon.

He too managed to completely freak out at one point and we were trying. It's a terrifying thing when you're faced with going at it alone - I couldnt understand more. He came around and I think yours will too.

While its easy to say "screw him," I know all too well it isn't logical in a lot of instances (or physically and emotionally the right decision for your family).

Here's my advice just from my experience - try to be the level headed one. I think a budget is a great idea. Maybe around it all down. Either way it's smart. If he leaves (which based on the little info you gave I don't think will happen) then you have a plan to stick to for you. If he stays, then it makes him see you're a team and both workig towards a common goal. Either way you can't lose.

Let us know how it all works out. Whatever you decide I'm sure will all be OK I the end. I wish you strength during this difficult time.

 

[GemmaLeanne]

Well.. basically to cut the story short, he came up with the old, get rid or im gone ultimatum. Iv told him i think thats discusting, that he shouldnt make empty promises and whhile hes throwing the ''i have a say'' card at me, he did have a say a month ago, thats why im still pregnant. I honestly dont know what im going to do. but one things for sure if i follow my heart and my head at the moment theres going to be a new baby in this world in 8 months time.

if in the very unlikely circumstances that there isnt. then im not sure if there will be a relationship left either because i honestly cant be with someone who tries to make me make a decision like that.

i have NO IDEA whats thrown a spanner in the works, but no matter how hard iv tried i cannot get him to see things from my side. he just keeps saying well i dont want to loose you. does he not realise what hes asking me to do ?!

i understand that hes unsure but comments such as ''i didnt want another baby'' ''so your going to make me be a dad to a baby i dont want'' etc is just so sickening, i see this baby just as i see my daughter, a living human being.... why doesnt he see it that way

andd just for the record i took no offence from the post about main bread winner and nappies etc, but just to add in it is currently my money that is supporting my daughter as oh has just came out of college x

 

[GemmaLeanne]

and now hes saying ''well how could i live with myself making you get rid of it'' and ''id never live it down'' ending it with a ''the fact of the matter is i love you i dont want to loose you''

honestly.. now im being deadly serious right now. will somebody PLEASE come and take him away before he ends up burried under my back lawn.

i dont need this right now

 

[yumosh]

Hi

I think you misunderstood. I was referring to women who don't earn and have the luxury of being housewives. I'm going back to work after 6 months to help my family financially.

Fundamentally it's about helping each other. Like I said, budget well and show him that your family deserves a chance, otherwise just go it alone.

Your 1920s comment is very reactionary. 80% of still earn more than women. 20% pay gap between sexes. Practicalities.

All I'm saying is, don't be too harsh on men who are expected to pick up the bill. Compromise.

Good luck.

 

[StephanieB]

I'm sorry you have to go through this...I bet you're feeling crappy. But as with my OH, I will just say that he is probably just worried and doesn't realize how bad it's making you feel. Explain to him how it makes you feel when he says those things and try to be as reassuring as possible (even if you're not quite sure how it's going to work out yourself! ) But that's what I had to do with mine for about a week and we are doing great now And sometimes he even has to reassure me! Good luck and I'm sure you will make the best decision for yourself and your family

 

[GemmaLeanne]

Well hes appologised tonight, said he was really sorry for earlier. He's still insisting that two is too much but says we will make it work somehow.

Im just really not sure if i can forget them comments iykwim? for this relationship to work hes going to have to be a bit more considerate.. there were other ways to communicate fears etc.

Its all calm now, so atleast we can go to bed without the tension i guess..

see what tomorrow brings *sigh*