8 year old with anxiety issues - school is very unsupportive!

[cabaretmum2b]

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me posting here - technically, I'm not a parent (yet!), but I am very close to my 8 year old brother and involved with his schooling etc, and I was hoping to get some advice regarding this!
My brother (Lochie) has anxiety issues, which he has received counselling for several times. It can make him extremely anxious about going to school, to the point where he will end up staying awake all night or sat on the toilet all morning out of pure nerves! As a result of this, his attendance hasn't been so great, and we were recently issued a fine to pay as a result of his poor attendance. This has made him worry more about school, as he already worries about money etc enough as it is!
We have had several talks with the school, and they are fully aware of his situation. His teacher has already said to us that if we get him in to school then that's good enough, even if he's late.
Consequently, his attendance has been improving, but he has been late a lot more, as it can sometimes take hours to coax him into going to school. Yesterday, we received a phone call from the school saying that every time he's been late, he's been marked absent for the whole morning, and that we will probably have to pay another fine. I think this is ridiculous, as many mornings he's just missed his morning assembly or has only been a little late. I also feel that this is really unsafe, considering that if there was a fire alarm and he was marked as absent, nobody would come looking for him if he was left in the building!
Am I being silly for feeling so angry about this? I just feel that, considering the school know how difficult it is to get Lochie into school, they're not making it any easier for him, and this is just making him more anxious.
Has anyone been through anything like this, and how did you manage to solve the issue?

Thanks

Meg

 

[Lissa3120]

Not too sure i can help, but, i was in a very similar situation as i hated school and refused to go due to anxieties. when i fell pregnant i had to be removed from school as it made me 10X worse and made me very ill and put my baby at risk (as did the other students) so we saw our doctor who referred us to a child psychologist who wrote us a letter confirming my anxiety issues. so the school could not argue with this, and had i chose to stay in school, they HAD to cater for my anxieties. maybe this could work for your brother? at least that way, the school will know it isn't an excuse it's a health issue, so has to be dealt with and treated like any other illness/ health issue?

i really hope your situation improves and your brother starts to feel better about school soon sorry i couldn't be more help

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

As someone who nos exactly how your brother feels its very frustrating. i was slightly older and was for a diff reason i suffered with it.. iv suffered for a long long time and nobody understood, nobody cared to understand. In order for me to et rid of my problem i had to face my fears... it took me untill this year to face my fears. Just be there for him try to find the route of the problem why school makes him feel like that. once you no the fear you can help him overcome it. i just hope you find the problem out quicker than i did. its the worse thing to have and it takes away a part of you.

give your brother a hug from someone who knows exactly how it feels

 

[marley2580]

I know a few people that have started home education because their child developed a school phobia. I believe all those kids are now thriving.

 

[blessedmomma]

My girls never had a problem with school until we moved a few years ago. They had trouble every day and we battled it constantly. They were bullied by kids and had never dealt with that so didnt know how to handle it. I told them to tell the teacher who in turn called them tattle-tales! Schools these days just are no good. The kids are out of control and the teachers are dealing with a lot of issues on little pay. It makes them bitter to be there. Many other things went on over the next two years and one weekend i found them in their room crying their eyes out about it so i pulled them out and home-schooled them. They still contact old friends but are so much happier and it has made us much closer as a family. Children arent built to handle so much stress every day, and they need to know someone will go above and beyond for their happiness.

 

[Cattia]

As a teacher I think the way your brother's school are behaving is very poor. They have a duty to support children and make sure that those with special needs are catered for. OFSTED actually have very strict guidelines on supporting individual children which comes under the banner of 'every child matters' and schools are obliged to prove that they are fulfilling these standards. It's hard because you don't want to cause trouble for him in school, but I just don't think this is really on, I wold write a letter to the govenors and outline your concerns about your brother and the way he is being treated, if you make it clear that the school are undermining your attempts to make him better, then I think you will put them in a position where they have to re-think. I would also get your brother's doctor to write to the school outlining what he needs (i.e special arrangements) as again, if they go against these, then they are in effect discriminating against him. Good luck!

 

[netty]

I am not sure where you live and what services are in your area.

In our area we have a service called family solutions who do confidence building and other things for under 16's.

Go see your gp as I am sure they will be able to refer Lochie to the child and adolescent mental health team.

Good luck
xx

 

[blessedmomma]

thanx for the info cattia and netty! sounds like the school system in UK is more efficient than here in America. I wish you ladies would have been my girls' teachers

 

[indy and lara]

Och that is really not on. When I have taught kids who are school refusing I always made sure I went staright out in the morning and walked in with the child in an attempt to make them feel welcome. Have the school offered to try a buddy to meet and come in with etc? Or meaningful reward charts?

Im not sure where you are in the country but has the Education Welfare Officer (or similar) been contacted and asked for help? Have they offered to involve the Ed Psych to see if support can be accessed for the family and your brother? They cannot just wash their hands here- they need to be putting pro-active steps in place.

 

[cabaretmum2b]

Thanks for all your replies everyone

Lochie has been seeing a counsellor on and off, and the school are aware that this is the case, so why they are acting like this is beyond me.
We haven't been offered a buddy or anything like that - it sounds like a really good idea!!!
We've had problems withh the school before, as one of my other brothers, Ewan, is autistic, and he ended up not going there after problem after problem arose. They seem to like to talk about their attendance, OFSTED reports etc, and not actually look after the child's individual needs, if you know what I mean?
Still, if OFSTED is their key focus, then obviously I should hit them where it hurts and start writing letters!

 

[Sophist]

Have you asked the school for a complete evaluation by the psychologist? Do it in writing, and specifically request that he be assessed in ALL areas, including academics as well as emotional health. Not sure what country you are in, but in the US they have to do the testing within so many days, and if you disagree with the results you can request an independent evaluator. If he can get it in an education plan, (here it would probably be on a 504 plan, or in special ed under "other health impaired") where he can have accommodations made for his anxiety.