I need to vent to people who understand what I am going through. I got on here because I was feeling hopeful that this would finally be *THE cycle*. Then I thought, "Who am I kidding??" Our son was born in March 2003. On his first birthday, we stopped all birth control and I began to try for another. That was 9 years and 3 months ago. I have PCOS. I had a nasty c-section with my son that almost killed me. I keep thinking that has something to do with it. But there's no way for me to find out because my husband absolutely refuses fertility treatments. But he's fine with not having more children. I am NOT fine with that. I will be 32 this year, and I keep thinking about how the years are flying by and nothing has happened. I tried 7 cycles of soy isoflavones. I know you're not supposed to do more than 3 or 4, but I was desperate. Well, it didn't work. I take a ton of vitamins and royal jelly now. They seem to be helping. My cycles have ranged from 36 to 67 days (I am extremely irregular), now they're down to regular 29 day cycles. That's what got my hopes up. My breasts are insanely sore starting a day or two after I should have ovulated (if I even did ovulate), and they remain that way until the witch gets me 12-14 days later. I mean so sore that I want to cry every time I move. I usually am kinda dry *down there*, but the past 3 cycles I've had plenty of CM. I've never had sore breasts like that in my entire life! But while that all sounds great, I refuse to get my hopes up. Then there are all the women in my family and in my husband's family who have just given birth or just found out they're pregnant. And I am expected to go to their baby showers. UGH!!! SEVEN WOMEN IN OUR FAMILIES!! Some people tell me to just be happy that I at least have one child, but they simply do not understand. I love my son more than anything in this world, but I never intended for him to be an only child. I wanted at least 3. But heck, I'll be happy just to have one more. My son tells me almost every day that he hates being an only child. It just makes it worse for me! I'm thinking of leaving my husband over this. It's a deal breaker for me. I love him so much, but he won't help with this infertility issue. I am not OK with this! I am not OK with just giving up! I am willing to divorce him over it, and he doesn't care! I cry A LOT. I have been so depressed over this for years. I read success stories on here, hoping to find someone who had a baby after a decade of infertility who did it without fertility treatments. Those stories are few and far between. I am so depressed and upset. Every time AF shows up, I cry. I mean I seriously cry! When my cycle gets to be 40+ days, I buy a pregnancy test, knowing already what the outcome will be. BFN. It's ALWAYS a BFN! But I torture myself several times a year this way. Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. I want my husband. But I want another baby too.