9 Years and 3 Months

[MyMiniMonk]

I need to vent to people who understand what I am going through. I got on here because I was feeling hopeful that this would finally be *THE cycle*. Then I thought, "Who am I kidding??"

Our son was born in March 2003. On his first birthday, we stopped all birth control and I began to try for another. That was 9 years and 3 months ago.
I have PCOS. I had a nasty c-section with my son that almost killed me. I keep thinking that has something to do with it. But there's no way for me to find out because my husband absolutely refuses fertility treatments. But he's fine with not having more children. I am NOT fine with that. I will be 32 this year, and I keep thinking about how the years are flying by and nothing has happened.

I tried 7 cycles of soy isoflavones. I know you're not supposed to do more than 3 or 4, but I was desperate. Well, it didn't work.
I take a ton of vitamins and royal jelly now. They seem to be helping. My cycles have ranged from 36 to 67 days (I am extremely irregular), now they're down to regular 29 day cycles. That's what got my hopes up. My breasts are insanely sore starting a day or two after I should have ovulated (if I even did ovulate), and they remain that way until the witch gets me 12-14 days later. I mean so sore that I want to cry every time I move. I usually am kinda dry *down there*, but the past 3 cycles I've had plenty of CM. I've never had sore breasts like that in my entire life! But while that all sounds great, I refuse to get my hopes up.

Then there are all the women in my family and in my husband's family who have just given birth or just found out they're pregnant. And I am expected to go to their baby showers. UGH!!! SEVEN WOMEN IN OUR FAMILIES!!
Some people tell me to just be happy that I at least have one child, but they simply do not understand. I love my son more than anything in this world, but I never intended for him to be an only child. I wanted at least 3. But heck, I'll be happy just to have one more.
My son tells me almost every day that he hates being an only child. It just makes it worse for me!

I'm thinking of leaving my husband over this. It's a deal breaker for me. I love him so much, but he won't help with this infertility issue. I am not OK with this! I am not OK with just giving up! I am willing to divorce him over it, and he doesn't care!

I cry A LOT. I have been so depressed over this for years. I read success stories on here, hoping to find someone who had a baby after a decade of infertility who did it without fertility treatments. Those stories are few and far between. I am so depressed and upset. Every time AF shows up, I cry. I mean I seriously cry! When my cycle gets to be 40+ days, I buy a pregnancy test, knowing already what the outcome will be. BFN. It's ALWAYS a BFN! But I torture myself several times a year this way.
Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. I want my husband. But I want another baby too.

 

[missy123]

Ahhh i feel for you hun..im 6 years now i can only imagine how 9 years feel i also had a horrible c section

 

[popchick75]

Well, we are close on the time frame...I have been trying for 10 years at this point. I started trying for #2 within a year of my daughter being born.

I can offer some advice on what I have learned along the way if you are interested. I apologize if it sounds harsh...it's not meant to be!

1 - If you have a physical problem, all of the vitamins and supplements in the world won't help. Yes, they can help cm and with cycle regulation, but if you have scar tissue or blocked tubes, it doesn't matter if everything else works.

2 - You need medical treatment/test done. If you had a bad c-section, you need to find out if you have scar tissue that is blocking your tubes. That can't be done by ultrasound. You need to have a HSG at the very least.

3 - Do you have health insurance? If you do, check to see if it covers diagnostics for infertility. Most don't cover treatment, but many cover diagnostics. That would pay for blood work, ultrasounds, and possibly the HSG.

4 - It's not just that your husband doesn't care if he has more children, it's that he doesn't give a damn about how you feel. That is a bigger issue than just wanting another baby. Regardless on how HE feels about it, he should at least care that you are hurting and suffering. The fact that he doesn't, should be a giant red flag.

5 - If this is your deal breaker, then so be it. It is your decision on how to proceed, but don't feel bad if this is your deal breaker. If you decide to just stay with him and suffer in silence, then you are going to resent him for 'what could have been' for the rest of your life. I'm not telling you what to do as far as you marriage, but don't just look at how you feel now...look at how you are going to feel about yourself and your husband in the future if you don't have another baby.

My heart goes out to you. It really does. Your story isn't that different than mine. After 8 years of trying, the stress got to us and we ended up getting divorced. Shortly after our marriage ended, I met a wonderful man and we are now engaged. We have been trying for the past two years. After 10 years total of infertility testing, we finally got a diagnosis and for the first time have a real shot of having a baby

 

[MyMiniMonk]

Popchick, you're right.
It's not easy though. I love him so much, but I don't want to live my life with regret. It's already been so long, and I'm not getting any younger. I just wish he would help me. I wish he would care. I wish he wanted what I want.
I understand his concerns about money, but money isn't everything. This is so extremely important to me, and I'm willing to walk away from our marriage for it. This isn't a compromise. I want more children, and if he doesn't, then I guess it's time to file those papers.

 

[Ruskiegirl]

So sorry your feeling so down sweetie , I have been trying for 13 years myself for # 3 my oldest lives in a different state with her dad and grandparents so we never get to see her until she is 18 . I almost left my hubby over him not trying to figure out whats going on with us not getting or staying pregnant but I sat down and told him that I was willing to end our almost 14 year marriage over it and that it meant the world to me to have another baby but I wanted it to be with him and no one else. He recently did and SA for me we can't afford IVF,ICSI or IUI so our only hope is clomid if his swimmers are good . I understand exactly what your going through hun . I would sit down with your hubby and really explain your feelings to him , If he isn't willing to listen then I would be asking if he would be willing to do some counseling cause that is not supportive at all . GL sweetie hopefully he will wake up and at least hear what you have to say

 

[hopefulfor1st]

What I would suggest is a bit sneaky - see a doctor about your wacky periods and pain, it is likely linked to the infertility. If testing is done and u know the problem (eg pcos?) you may be able to self treat somehow,
Maybe over the next few months you mention to your husband pain or such in the ovaries/ uterus that you may need to see a doctor about. Maybe your c section scar starts hurting like crazy and u cry alot- maybe it's best u get checked out to make sure its nothing serious? While they're checking everything out down there they are bound to see any issues and hopefully recommend treatment or an easy fix

Good luck

 

[MyMiniMonk]

Yes, I have PCOS. I was actually thinking the same thing. Be a little sneaky about it. He would be fine with another child, he just doesn't want to pay for it (treatments are so expensive, I don't know how anyone can afford it!)

 

[hopefulfor1st]

But if you were having problems that needed to be seen to anyway...

 

[JJKCB]

im so sorry for you, I know my situation is not as bad but after 12 months of trying and 5 months of knowing something was wrong I finally broke down after getting AF and drinking a bit to take the sting away - I never mentioned the issue to OH because hes very skitzy and freaks out and pulls away a lot when it come to commitment (no idea what his issue is but hes like this with everyone) but he was actually very supportive and not freaked out at all

maybe you need to really explain to OH why your so upset, good luck and I hope it works out for you

 

[MyMiniMonk]

I haven't been on here in forever, but I just received some great news last week. I'm 6w5d with baby number 2 after 12 years of infertility. I have PCOS, so I've had my share of negative tests over the years.
Here's my story...
My husband and I found out we were expecting in September 2002. I was already about 16 weeks pregnant, but I had no symptoms and because I have PCOS, I was used to having just 2 periods a year. I was 21 when my son was born in March 2003.
We used birth control until March of 2004. After that point, we figured that whatever happens, happens. After a few years, we decided that maybe we were ready to seriously start trying. Nothing happened. Not one positive test. Not one ounce of hope. I saw several different doctors, and all of them said I would need to see a specialist if I wanted to conceive again. But my husband absolutely REFUSED to do any kind of fertility testing or go any further. If it didn't happen naturally, he wasn't wanting another baby that bad. I was all set to leave him in August 2014 because I wanted more children. I had always planned on 3 children and I resented him for squashing my dreams of having more children. I was getting my little ducks in a row to file for divorce and move out, but then his brother passed away suddenly in September 2014. My husband wasn't handling it well at all, so I stayed.
By late November, he began having neck and leg pain. The doctors kept telling him it was sciatica and poor sleeping positions. In the beginning of January, I was rushing him to the ER only to find out that he had many large tumors on his spine, in his chest cavity, and on his liver. On February 20th, which was our wedding anniversary, we found out exactly what kind of cancer he had. He had a VERY rare and aggressive cancer called NUT Midline Carcinoma. He was only the 2nd person in our home state of Illinois to be diagnosed. On May 29, 2015, after a 5 month battle, he passed away.
During his illness, we found love and forgiveness, and he apologized for everything, including refusing to see a doctor about fertility treatments.
It's been 11 months since he passed away, and I was able to move on... Sort of. I think it was one of those things where I needed a way to take my mind off the loss of the man I shared my life with for 15 years. But either way, here I am today, almost 7 weeks pregnant after 3 gynecologists told me I couldn't conceive without medical intervention.
When I took the first test, the "test" line showed up instantly, and the control line took a few minutes. I took the 2nd test the next day. Same thing. The "test" line was instant, the control line took a few minutes. I called a local clinic for a test and got an appointment for that same afternoon. After giving them a urine sample, I was taken into a small room to wait. After a few minutes, the nurse came in and said that I had the absolute fastest positive she's seen in her over 20 years of experience. She said to get an appointment with my regular OB/GYN as soon as possible because she thinks it's multiples. My mom insists I'm having more than one as well.
I'll see my doctor on May 19th for my first appointment. He won't see me until at least 10 weeks.
So I wasn't supposed to have more children, but I'm due December 14, 2016. I had tried soy isoflavones, which did absolutely nothing except make me moody. I didn't get to try anything else. I'm 34, I'll be 35 when this baby arrives. This wasn't supposed to happen, but I couldn't' be happier!
Don't give up hope!

 

[BrendaJ]

Absolutely amazing... God bless, and sorry to hear about your hubby. I am astounded at the closure you had and how things looked up for you! Best of luck! Also, thanks for the update... I did t even know this was an old thread until I got to your recent post!

 

[helloeveryone]

Lovely update, how things going now, hope all is well.xx