A different kind of idea, I need opinions!

Discussion in 'Assisted Conception' started by ashliee, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. ashliee

    ashliee Well-Known Member

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    Okay, so I got a lot of backlash about planning to use a sperm donor to conceive, And I am still going to use a donor, but it made me think a little bit, like what if my child just wishes that one day they had someone who understands exactly what they are dealing with, someone who gets it completely.
    So I was thinking maybe I should talk to a woman on the donor site, and we could plan to use the same donor, and keep contact, and let the children form a bond. Just to I dont know, give the children someone in life, that isnt just mom..
    Would this be a good idea? And please dont go off on me telling me I shouldnt use a donor, I am using a donor and that isnt going to change, but I really would love some opinions on this little idea of mine.
     
  2. mrs.rodrigues

    mrs.rodrigues Well-Known Member

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    Hello there :hugs:

    Well first off there is nothing wrong with using a donor...that is your personal choice. I as well am using DS because well i married a woman hehe and i am sure that when our children finally arrive we will get plenty of greif.

    for me i have an f-em attitude because you know what i know i will be an amazing mother as will my wife and sure when our kids get older they will ask questions and want answers and you just explain the truth to fit the age level they ask at. there are many kinds who dont have dads simply because they are dead beats and have no interest, there are kids who are adopted because for what ever reason the bio mom couldnt keep them...and guess what for the most part these kids turn out fine...and on the flip side there are kids of perfectly normal couples who turn out like wack a doodles.

    now if that is something you would like to do with the other woman than go ahead but for me personally i wouldnt it would be too weird. and i think more confusion for the child in the long run. but you and i are different so if you are comfortable with it then go for it. if you want you future child to have a sibling maybe store sperm from the donor in a cryo bank and use the same donor for another child at a later point.


    dont let other people spoil your dream of creating your family, btw there is a movie although it features a lesbian couple it is about AI children its called the kids are all right i have yet to see it i just got it from netflix

    good luck on your journey :dust:
     
  3. Miss Jennifer

    Miss Jennifer Well-Known Member

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    do what your heart feels is right! i think you and your beautiful little baby will be fine without a donor sibling. Coming from the same sperm will not be more important to your child than the bonds he/she has with your family and extended family! Now if you were to have multiple babies, I'd say try and use the same donor for that so they were full siblings. Don't know if that's even possible, though!! Best of luck and I've never before heard anyone knock donor sperm - don't listen to the haters!!
     
  4. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    Good luck hun....don't let anybody tell you you're doing something wrong. You are doing what is right for you.
     
  5. PrettyUnable

    PrettyUnable Mum of DD, PAL with #2

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    It sounds like a good idea to me, in theory... to have that option there for the kids involved, but remember they won't always bond or form a friendship.
    As a back up it sounds good.
    Surely there is some form of support groups, playgroups or something for parents and children of donors?

    I think it's great that you're thinking about how to try and provide and emotional support for the child other than yourself in this situation.

    However I'm not too sure about it being a woman and child who used the same donor - surely that could confuse the situation more if they aren't raised at half siblings? Or would you want to encourage their sibling relationship?

    Sorry for my ramblings.. lol. :hugs:
     
  6. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    ^^ She has a good point, about the half sibling thing.
     
  7. ashliee

    ashliee Well-Known Member

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    I would want to encourage their sibling relationship!
     
  8. dachsundmom

    dachsundmom Mommy To A Needy Husband

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    Here's another thought; I am adopted...so I guess someone donated sperm.:haha: Anyway, I have no earthly idea how to find my birth parents and have never really wanted to; some people don't understand this, but just being blood related to someone, doesn't mean that there will always be some type of bond/relationship...what I mean by that; if you met your 6th cousin, twice removed, just bc you share genes, there is no guarantee that you'll have anything in common, nor will it guarantee that you want to have anything in common with them.

    If you decide to do this, really and truly, it will depend on your child; you'd have to follow his/her personality and judge what's appropriate and at what stage in the child's life.

    Also, none of us ever know what the future holds and at some point, you might be in a relationship and choose to have more kids with each other; things get more complicated when emotions are involved and you'd have to consider your partner's feelings too...

    I commed you for thinking everything through, but you know what? You don't have to decide this now. I think it's more important to find a donor you are comfortable with; everything else really will fall into place.:flower:

    :dust::dust::dust:
     
  9. BeautifulD

    BeautifulD Mum to 3 and TTC #4

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    I'm going along the donor route and this is definitely something worth thinking about. Good luck on your journey hun :hugs:
     
  10. QuintinsMommy

    QuintinsMommy Well-Known Member

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    I think that sounds like a nice idea.
    it might work out well but it might not.
    good luck
     

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