A Diplomatic Way to Name the Baby??

[BeesKnees]

OH and I can’t agree on baby names at all. We are not married (but embarking on what I would consider a very long engagement) so the last name of the baby is not assumed. He shoots down every name I have come to love and expects the child to have his last name which I don’t object to. I am not a fan of his name choices either. I am simply trying to devise a plan to make this naming thing fair. I certainly don’t want things to get ugly. He hasn’t been very sensitive or supportive to my needs which makes it difficult to be diplomatic. Our relationship has been on shaky ground all through the first trimester.

I was reading what I could find online about paternal naming rights if unwed. It appears that in the U.S., the mother will be filling out and signing all the paperwork and I could (if I wanted to be a jerk, and I certainly don’t) fill out whatever I wish for a child’s name. When he signs, it establishes paternity. Naturally, the consequences if he didn’t sign the birth certificate for paternity would be him having no rights to the child whatsoever. I am assuming this and could be wrong on parts of this so clarification or insight is welcomed.

So, here is my idea to make naming the baby fair for both of us. I wish to have an agreement as to how we will choose the child’s name before we find out the gender.

If he wants the baby to have his last name he can choose from my top 3 first names and then choose the middle name. If he is dead set on having more say in the baby’s first name, I will choose from his top 3 first names (and trust me, I am not a fan of any of his choices either so picking one won't be an easy task), middle name of my choice and then my last name. I just don’t think it’s fair that the baby name should reflect the majority of his taste and identity.

Thoughs? Is this fair, unfair?

 

[Mrs HM]

We are finding it hard to agree on baby's name too, but I think that we will just have to find one we both love. I couldn't give my child a name I was crazy about, so we will keep looking but it is difficult. In terms of the surname, would you consider giving the baby both of your last names, or use your surname as a middle name?

 

[BeesKnees]

In terms of the surname, would you consider giving the baby both of your last names, or use your surname as a middle name?

His son from a previous relationship has a hypenated name and he is not too thrilled about it. I don't like a hypenated name either. I have no problems with the baby taking his surname or mine, I just want the chosing to be fair.

 

[BackwoodsBarB]

me & my love have a deal worked out....if it's a girl, i choose the first name. if it's a boy, he chooses. he can pick the girl's middle name, and i can choose the boy's.

we also have 2 veto options. but, if you're dead set on naming your child yourself just threaten to name the baby justin beiber (your last name)....every other option will look great in comparison!! lol.

 

[SpideyMom]

My OH was very picky with our DS name. I came up with a list of all the ones I liked and let him choose from that. Our DS does have his last name. We've been together 19 years now, not married. This time around we are throwing ideas back and forth at each other and jotting the ones we like, just waiting for my scan in October to confirm if it's 100% a girl we are having or a boy. Seems easier this time around. Good luck!

 

[Cedemarie]

Wow. I must be the bad one out of this group. I have two boys...Both of which I decided on the name. They have their daddy's last name, but I picked their first and middle names. I figured I carried the baby, I'm naming him. And boys keep daddy's last name forever. Of course, my DH, wasn't opposed to me picking the name either so it's not like he was objecting to anything. I'm not that terrible. If he had said absolutely not or something I probably would have went back to the drawing board.

 

[BeesKnees]

Wow. I must be the bad one out of this group. I have two boys...Both of which I decided on the name. They have their daddy's last name, but I picked their first and middle names. I figured I carried the baby, I'm naming him. And boys keep daddy's last name forever. Of course, my DH, wasn't opposed to me picking the name either so it's not like he was objecting to anything. I'm not that terrible. If he had said absolutely not or something I probably would have went back to the drawing board.

LUCKY!!! I wish my OH was that open-minded.

I brought up my idea to him last night and he's sort of accepts it. He wants to see my top 3 names (girl and boy) first. Do I give him that or not? They are subject to change!

I really think he wants a child to carry his last name. We both re-confirmed that we didn't want a hypenated last name for the baby. I do agree that since we carry the baby for 9 months then endure labor, we should have final say in the name. Women dream up their baby names long before they are ever pregnant.

I wish my OH would take as much interest in making my pregnancy comfortabe and happy as he does in expressing his opinions on names.

 

[dizzyangel]

I think you are being more than resonable on how you think would be the best way to name your child.
Its tough when there isnt names you both agree on which is why we only have a definate boys name and only a middle name for a girl!!!

Like you say - you could be a jerk and just name the baby what YOU want to name them so he has to be able to compromise!

 

[maybe11]

Hi we didnt name dd until she was 7 days old! Not because of arguments but we just couldnt decide on a name that suited her. Thats the troble, even if you agree on a name, it may not reflect your lo once they arrive.

I m not even thinking about names until 3rd tri.

 

[BeesKnees]

I personally fear his choices in names. For girls, his choices sound trampy or are really girly-girl in our modern society and for boys, they tend to have an athletic or African-American edge. We are both white.

 

[BeesKnees]

Hi we didnt name dd until she was 7 days old! Not because of arguments but we just couldnt decide on a name that suited her. Thats the troble, even if you agree on a name, it may not reflect your lo once they arrive.

I m not even thinking about names until 3rd tri.

I understand where you are coming from. I want to get some sort of plan of action made so we can try to reduce fighting. As I mentioned, things have not been easy for us lately. He is a typical guy and has a tendency to "forget" things that we agreed on.

 

[em1021]

atleast hes interested? right? lol. my oh pretty much lets me choose whatever name i like and if he hates it of course i wont use it. but i like when he likes a name =] i was throwing names out there and he LOVED 2 of them so it ended up being super easy lol

 

[BeesKnees]

atleast hes interested? right? lol. my oh pretty much lets me choose whatever name i like and if he hates it of course i wont use it. but i like when he likes a name =] i was throwing names out there and he LOVED 2 of them so it ended up being super easy lol

Yeah, that's about the ONLY thing he seems interested in. Maybe I would be more undertanding if he would at least feign interest in seeing what I have been putting on the baby registry or other "baby talk". You are very lucky he liked some of your names. I wish he would like some of mine so we wouldn't have to argue.

 

[Stardreamer]

my children were always taking OHs surname as we are engaged and going to be married next year. We both agreed on first names that we liked (luckily) and both girls have one of my middle names so there is still a part of my family there.

 

[eulmh82]

Can you not keep trying for names you both like? I really wanted Ruby or Isabella, he wanted Olivia but we each hated the other names so we just kept looking and have come up with Evie which we both agree on.

 

[SouthernC]

Good luck either way you go hun, me and my OH aren't married either but weve been together for almost 9 years, when coming up with baby names we agree on a little girls name pretty easily, a little boys name took a while, but we finally agreed on a first name but couldnt the middle, so my solution he gets both (baby is a boy) OH isn't happy about it but the way I see it I'm carrying this baby, I'm giving the baby his last name I dont even want to hear it.

 

[bumpbear]

I'm quite traditional and think babies should have their father's last name. I was given my father's surname and I felt proud to have something directly from him: my mum would always have the privilege of saying that she carried me and gave birth to me. So I am going to carry on the tradition and baby will def have DH's surname. I see it as a way of giving DH some share of 'ownership' of our child (for want of a better word). I will always be able to claim having done all the hard work to bring the child in to the world, so this is just a little something special for baby-daddy to have for himself. I wont deny him that. We may keep my family name as baby's middle name if it suits the first name we choose together.

We're having a slightly trickier time with the first name, because we're an interfaith couple and need to find a cross over name - but we have already agreed on a few that we would be happy to keep. It's just about working together and compromising, not trying to get your own way all the time: much like any other aspect of a relationship. I do think its important to find and agree on a name together: there are so many aspects of child rearing where you will have to be on the same page so its just a first decision of many more to come in parenting i guess.

 

[BeesKnees]

Can you not keep trying for names you both like? I really wanted Ruby or Isabella, he wanted Olivia but we each hated the other names so we just kept looking and have come up with Evie which we both agree on.

Well, truth is that I really don't like a lot of names out there and I will admit that I am not open-minded either. I associate names with personalities a lot and I don't like common names at all. When we start rattling off names I see a high school themed movie unfolding in my mind. He's got the jocks and cheerleaders covered while I've got the art kids and the brains covered.

Needless to say, we both are from different worlds. I know it's ridiculous but I wish for the LO to reflect us equally by name. Guess who's the quirky one in the relationship and who's the traditional one.

 

[Redclaire]

we're not married either and i said baby would have his surname cos just thought it was right to do seeing as we both ttc for so long, the baby couldn't be more planned!!
I'm not mad on his other kids names, well 2 are nice, Lauren and emma, and the not so nice are eric and lyndsey (just my feeling tho!)...i imagine a kid as a baby but also an old lady/man...will a name grown with them...if they are president...a doctor...a professor...o will they sound like a dim Tim or porn star
I told him i'd accept any Irish language name as a first name and both agreed Aoife (pronounce eefa/ like Eva) for a first name, Catherine as girl's middle name (my fav cousin and grans name, his mom's name). We have the lads name is either sean conor or conor sean! he likes sean i like conor, but i'm easy on it really cos both nice!
if you don't like the kind of name he is choosing, sporty/ethnic, you pick a name genre...biblical, english traditional, family favs whatever suits your taste then buy a book and highlight all the possibles...eventually you might shortlist similar ones!
My sister had twins and had to have 2 sets of girl and boy names!! they both picked a top 3 names and chose from there!

 

[Lara310809]

I don't want to sound rude, but you're only 14 weeks; you have plenty of time to think about names. We didn't have a name for our daughter when she was born. I had spent the entire pregnancy going through the name books and saying names to my OH, and he rejected them all. He had his own taste, but I didn't like the names. He refused to go through the books because he coulnd't be bothered. A name would come to him. But it didn't.

So she was born and she was nameless. That night we thought about it and the next day we chose one. We found one we both liked and we went with it. It's not my favourite, no, but you have to prepare for that when you make a baby with another person, because their tastes won't always be the same.

I think if you do it the way you're suggesting, one of you, if not both, may end up resenting the name you've chosen. I don't think it's a good idea when people say "I'm picking the girls' name and he's picking the boys' name"; and this seems to be a variation of that (but with a top 3 list to choose from). I just think that choosing your baby's name is so big a decision, and it's important that you both like it. Have faith that you will find a name.

I'm fairly traditional too, and I think a baby should take their father's surname. I don't really get why people who are intending to get married give their baby their maiden name, only to have to change it legally (and in most cases pay for it) when they get married. If you're going to get married anyway, you may aswell give him the name free of charge when he's born. It's just my opinion, obviously.

I'm not saying don't do it whichever way, I'm just saying give it more time and you'll probably find some names you both love. You're barely in the second trimester; you still have 6 months ahead of you to make this decision.