A Fathers loss

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by celticfan32, Sep 23, 2006.

  1. celticfan32

    celticfan32 Member

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    It will be 2 yrs on Oct 4th, that my partner and i lost our 1st baby together. She was 13 weeks pg and we were due to go for our 1st scan on Tuesday 5th October. I was so excited as this was the 1st time i was going to be a Dad, i couldnt wait for the day to come. I was at home on the Monday before the scan and my partner rang me at 10p.m to say she had started to bleed and was on her way to the maternity. She told me not to panic, but something told me all was not ok. When i reached the hospital she was been examined and the doctor was just about to do the scan. As i watched the monitor, i couldnt see anything and our worst nightmare had just begun. The dr told us there was nothing there, i just broke down and held my partner in my arms for a solid hr. She had to stay in and have a D&C. My whole world had just fallen apart. I couldnt beieve our baby had died. My partner came home and the first 5 weeks were terrible, both of us crying most of the day and night. I found it hard to go out cos anywhere i went all i saw was babies and prams, and i would just break down and cry when i saw this. In Jan 2005 we found out my partner was expecting again and even though i was over the moon, i was very cautious just in case it happened again. We had the 12 week scan and the midwife told us we had a very healthy looking baby. Again the tears rolled but i still had that fear. On Sept 29th we had a beautiful baby girl weighing in at nearly 10lbs. We called her Ella. I couldnt believe i was a Dad. Ella will be 1 next Fri, but the following week will be the 2nd anniversary of our unborn baby and to be honest im finding it extremely upsetting more so than last yr. I cant stop crying and thinking about our baby. I honestly think it was a boy. But i miss that baby so much, it breaks my heart. Only for Ella , i dont know where i would be. Sorry for the long message. Thanks.
    Mike.
     
  2. Jo

    Jo I'm an old bag!

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    Aww Mike i am so sorry for your loss

    I am so gld you wrote this though as people tend to forget about the dads in stuff like this

    I think you try to be so strong for us that people think it hasn't affected you in the same way.
    My OH never cried in front of me, but i found out later that he had had some heart to hearts with his friends which was agreat releive to me as at one point i thought he couldn't have cared less, which was far from true

    Its over 3 yrs since we lost our baby and we still have to take it step by step sometimes

    The pain never goes but it does dull a little
    :hugs:
     
  3. CuteKitty

    CuteKitty Well-Known Member

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    awww Mike, im sorry for your loss ....

    It will be 3 years on the 31st since we lost our baby, and the 3rd of jan when we gave birth to him. We too also had a little girl last aug and i find it hard sometimes... to think that Louise shouldnt be here. yet i wouldnt change her for the world, but if Sam was here Louise wouldnt be.... it messes about with my mind and have mixed feelings about it all.

    The thing i find the hardest is that as time has gone on, no1 remembers Sam. Its only me, my husband and lil boy that talk about him. No one in our family talk about him or remember certain dates :( its like he doesnt exist! Some thing that hes in the past and should move on but i can move forward but bring Sam with me! why should i leave him in the past? It really upsets me when no1 talks about him and have forgotten about him.

    Happy Birthday to Ella for the 29th .... and hope the angelversary of your special baby goes smoothly and peacefully for you. Hope you give yourself time to think and remember your special baby.

    Sending my love to you, your partner and Ella... and special floaty kisses to you special little baby in heaven x
     
  4. celticfan32

    celticfan32 Member

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    Thank you so much for your support. It means so much to me.
     
  5. CuteKitty

    CuteKitty Well-Known Member

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    Were here for you anytime you wanna chat Mike... As Jo wrote alot of people forget about the husbands/partners/dads and worry about the women but the guy matters too... its both equal in the grief and loss.

    Special hugs for you Mike..... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
     
  6. weestar21

    weestar21 Well-Known Member

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    awwwww mike im sooooooooooo sorry for you loss :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
     
  7. celticfan32

    celticfan32 Member

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    I know i should be concentrating on Ellas birthday and i really am, cos she is the love of my life. But this yr , i cant stop thinking about our unborn baby and what he/she would be doing today. I try to think positive but i wouldnt be human if i didnt miss my 1st unborn baby. I find it difficult cos there was no final farewell, no funeral to say my last goodbye. When my partner miscarried, it was just a mass of clots. I will never stop loving that baby till the day i meet him/her in heaven.
     
  8. shell

    shell Well-Known Member

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    aww sorry for your loss i feel the same i m/c 3 months ago. ttc again now thoe.
     
  9. Imi

    Imi .

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    You sound like a bloody fantastic father, and you are right to feel this way.

    I know but just don't talk about it ...

    Wishing ella a wonderful birthday, and hugs for you to get you through ...

    Imi
    xxx
     
  10. celticfan32

    celticfan32 Member

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    Thanks again for all your kind messages of support. xxx
     
  11. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry for your loss celticfan

    :hugs:

    xxx
     
  12. teareye

    teareye Member

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    Happy birthday for Ella.
    So sorry for your loss, the girls on here have wonderful ways for coping, wonderful things like memory boxes, ballons and angels. Draw on those around you for strength, sometimes it may not be easy, sometimes you feel hurt and confused but i'm sure your lost baby loves you, mummy and sister. hugs and kisses
     
  13. celticfan32

    celticfan32 Member

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    Hi again. Would just like to say Ella had a great 1st birthday and we all enjoyed it. I took my dp and Ella down to the sunny south east of Ireland for the week and we all had a lovely time. We were a bit sad on the Wed morning as we both knew it was our little angels 2nd anniversary. But we carried on as normal, but not forgetting the day that it was. The most sad thing about it was, neither my family or my partners family even rememberd it was our angels anniversary, but we did, which was the most important. Overall we had a lovely week and beautiful sunshine....
     
  14. Iwantone!!!

    Iwantone!!! Well-Known Member

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    sorry for your loss me and my partner loss a baby at 5wks old and it is nice to hear what they man goes through coz the woman always get the attention i wish my fella told me how he felt when we lost our baby I have a goddaughter called ella you should rejoice in ella and you little baby up above is looking after her/his little sis good luck for the furture
     

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