It will be 2 yrs on Oct 4th, that my partner and i lost our 1st baby together. She was 13 weeks pg and we were due to go for our 1st scan on Tuesday 5th October. I was so excited as this was the 1st time i was going to be a Dad, i couldnt wait for the day to come. I was at home on the Monday before the scan and my partner rang me at 10p.m to say she had started to bleed and was on her way to the maternity. She told me not to panic, but something told me all was not ok. When i reached the hospital she was been examined and the doctor was just about to do the scan. As i watched the monitor, i couldnt see anything and our worst nightmare had just begun. The dr told us there was nothing there, i just broke down and held my partner in my arms for a solid hr. She had to stay in and have a D&C. My whole world had just fallen apart. I couldnt beieve our baby had died. My partner came home and the first 5 weeks were terrible, both of us crying most of the day and night. I found it hard to go out cos anywhere i went all i saw was babies and prams, and i would just break down and cry when i saw this. In Jan 2005 we found out my partner was expecting again and even though i was over the moon, i was very cautious just in case it happened again. We had the 12 week scan and the midwife told us we had a very healthy looking baby. Again the tears rolled but i still had that fear. On Sept 29th we had a beautiful baby girl weighing in at nearly 10lbs. We called her Ella. I couldnt believe i was a Dad. Ella will be 1 next Fri, but the following week will be the 2nd anniversary of our unborn baby and to be honest im finding it extremely upsetting more so than last yr. I cant stop crying and thinking about our baby. I honestly think it was a boy. But i miss that baby so much, it breaks my heart. Only for Ella , i dont know where i would be. Sorry for the long message. Thanks. Mike.