A few questions and an update

[FTB2017]

Wife and went to first appt other day...all very normal. The main problem right now is she is coming off effexor (anti anxiety). I think she's doing incredibly well...sure we've had our down time but she's really been way more likely to "make up" after a bad stretch which is very unlike her. I have encouraged her to exercise on our elliptical lightly (something we didn't do at all last time)...I really feel like it's helping a ton. She's like a different person after working out. I've done my absolute best to walk the line of making her feel beautiful and loved and not going overboard and crowding her. I find it hard to walk this line though. I want her to enjoy her pregnancy this time...and it has been a lot better so far. We haven't been sexual yet, as she fears it. I respect that and know she's not all that comfortable physically right now. About when did that change for you? We have another drs appt in 2 weeks as this one was fairly early. She's mentioned it as a milestone for not having the fear. I think she also fears that I'm only "interested" because I want to make up for lack of intimacy last time. We are closer emotionally than we've ever been...having gone through the lowest time in our relationship in early December. Anyone have any tips or insight on making her feel beautiful and wanted? Is it OK to push physically a little but definitely not cross a line?I'm not a hound dog and would never make her feel shitty about it. Like if you had to turn your partner away, would you resent them for trying if they respected your wishes? Also anyone with any experience with coming off effexor or another anxiety meds? I think sheshe's knocking it out of the park but want to hear anyone else's experiences

 

[Farmgirlalee]

If sex is a fear thing for her at this stage of ththe pregnancy, then I wouldn't push. Keep doing what you are doing. As she feels better and gets further along her hormones will shift and most likely her sex drive will return. Just keep being there for her and doing what you can

 

[Talia12]

You sound amazing and I think you are equally knocking it out of the park.
I agree to just leave the sex thing for now - you sound like you're doing well in making her feel wanted and loved. Lots of women (me included) are nervous about sex in early pregnancy.

 

[mara16jade]

I can tell you that after having a rocky start to this pregnancy, being intimate is the last thing I want. I'm so scared to do something wrong to jeopardize the pregnancy (even though nothing is wrong and doctors have repeatedly told me it would be ok). I'd give her time.

 

[FTB2017]

Thanks a lot ladies. Today we went to the movies to see la la land...to say the least pregnancy or not I would have never went to see a movie like that withe anyone...lol. as we fell apart over the years we lost the concept of dating..it was a great day. She cried from the previews until the ending...all in my arms. Starting to see the spark again...massage time tonight for her. Times on our side...

 

[Talia12]

That's really sweet

 

[Sommerfugl]

No real help but I was on effexor for depression as a teenager, and when I came off it, the discontinuation symptoms were horrendous, worse than the depression they were trying to treat. This doesn't happen to everyone, and I was on a pretty high dose so hopefully that is why, but if she isn't feeling quite right (horrible, intense 'static' in the head is the closest way I can describe it) it could have something to do with that?

I found my sex drive was pretty dead in the first tri, but returned in the 2nd. I can understand the anxiety though, especially in the early days, and added to first tri pregnancy symptoms I think it's the last thing on lots of ladies' minds.
It sounds like you're doing a good job of supporting her so just continue with that. Complements and cuddles and listening to her concerns.

I wish you both a happy and healthy pregnancy

 

[FTB2017]

Thanks again. We've had a few "talks" and I think it's the wrong time to have those talks. That's really my main problem is I tend to want to hash everything out and now just isn't the right time. I'll keep doing my best...I know real talks aren't really top priority in her mind right now.

 

[Rhiaberry]

These ladies have answered your questions perfect. I'm in awe areally there actually a man in the world who wrote this post. Wow. She sounds like a lucky lady! I will say orgasm in pregnancy can cause cramping sometimes quite intense which can cause alot of anxiety to expectant mothers. I will await till I'm safety out of first trimester till I get it on again. Sorry that might not be what you wanna hear. Support here with love.

 

[misspriss]

I was on daily therapy with Klonopin, for anxiety. It is a totally different kind of medication and is not as hard to get off. I can still take it if needed, which helps. I had a few nights of medication related insomnia and that was about it. My anxiety seems better, I do not know if it is the hormones or the coping skills medicine helped me develop.

We have not had any issues with libedo, just having 2 little kids already. We have had plenty of sex since finding out we are expecting.

 

[FTB2017]

Thanks. I don't want to paint too good of a picture of me though...I was bad during the first pregnancy, just not loving towards her at all. It really sent our relationship down the toilet as the lack of affection mutually continued. I discovered she had a short affair 2 years ago just after finding out she was pregnant this December . We've really made such good progress since, but I tend to talk to her about things way too much. I'm so impatient with things that I often ruin a good time with questions about our relationship and whatnot. Last night we kind of went down the rabbit hole and talked about sex or intimacy. While it wasn't pretty, I think some goodd stuff came out. She actually told me that I could have a Hall pass if I wanted but honestly I dont. I just told her I wanted her to realize I still thought she was sexy. She's a tough gal normally to have this discussions with, and now with effexor and pregnancy I just feel like I dig myself a hole with my borderline nagging. It's selfish but comes from a place of love.

 

[FTB2017]

Actually super happy I didn't push too hard last night. She had a little bleeding today with no pain or cramps. I would have felt like dog poop if we had done anything. We are both teachers and go back to work tomorrow from a 10 day break. She's also got a head cold. Picking up a rotisserie chicken to make some stock for soup and give her a real relaxing week

 

[ftm2017]

I'm coming off of effexor and klonpin and It's really hard to deal with. I have the static feeling in my brain too i usually explain it as brain zaps and that's from the effexor. It really makes your head hurt and you feel terrible, just be cautious of that with her.

 

[crazylilth1ng]

You sound like you are really trying to make up for everything that has gone wrong in the past and it is really sweet of you. You do need to remember though that blame ALWAYS goes both ways and there is always fault on both sides so it is up to both of you to put the effort in. You seem to take a lot of blame on board and while yes, a lot of the problems were possibly down to you, as I said, it is never just down to one person.

I know nothing of the medication that your wife was taking, but in regards to the sex factor of the post, when I was in the first trimester, not only did I not want sex at all, I was on pelvic rest for spotting as I had a tear behind the developing placenta. I did however do other intimate things to please my partner. I wont lie, I wasn't really really gagging to do them, but I love him and he was never ever pushy and he is a good man and well, it isn't all about me it goes both ways. He was more than happy to wait and to go without completely until I felt like doing things but I felt he deserved some pleasure for how well he looks after me.

I commend you are being so patient and kind with your wife this pregnancy. I really hope that it leads to you two getting properly back on track!! I also hope the bleeding she has had dies down, it is probably nothing.

I know how she feels regarding the head cold :/ it is really nasty. I hope work went well for both of you.

 

[FTB2017]

To update the situation with intimacy...

I've been working out pretty hard lately, partly due to the shock and emasculating effect of discovering the affair, and partly due to the fact that it was just time to start doing it again. I feel amazing. I'm a heck of a lot smarter now with it than I was when I was 20. I've been able to do workouts that boost HGH/Test in the body and have experienced my own hormonal max and mins (of course nothing compared to hers). I was borderline manic the other day after a good workout and said screw it. I asked her to go in the bedroom to talk, and when we arrived I just grabbed her and threw her on the bed. I told her just to listen...and said that I need intimacy of some sort. That I was more than willing to wait (didn't want her to think I wanted it while she was sick etc) but that I thought it was important for us to engage at some point...even if it was selfishly for me. Kiss, watch adult movies, rub, touch...whatever feels good. I was shocked by her reaction...she was taken back and didn't stop smiling the whole time. Of course since then we've both been sick but I can tell she liked it. I've made a few comments to her since that she's eaten up. Our physical relationship wasn't there for a long time, and I think she knows that i'm not "pushing to be a jerk" but rather kind of liked the attention. I'm really glad I opened up to her about it. We can talk for days but seeing her reaction made me feel so good!

 

[TTCfirstovr30]

I am bipolar and stopped my welbutrin (Anti-Depressant) as soon as I found out I was pregnant. My doctor says the progesterone created from being pregnant acts as a natural anti-depressant.

I have not had any issues (so far!) but I have found that working out is KEY to maintaining stability in my head. And nothing crazy, elliptical is great and so are walks. My husband and I go on walks on the weekends together and it is great, just make sure you bring some water and possibly a snack!

But that is a touchy subject, because you don't want her to feel like you are "policing" her if you ask her about the gym. Maybe you two can go to the gym together or go on walks after work or something? 30 mins is the recommended dose while pregnant. and I know it has helped me with my issue.

I concur with the other ladies and let the sex happen naturally. Maybe wait until the second tri and do something romantic and give her a massage with candles, etc and see what comes of that.