A little sad today.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by NatashaZ, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. NatashaZ

    NatashaZ Well-Known Member

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    I've only told my closest friend that I am pregnant. I thought it would be easier for me if I could enjoy this for a little while before telling the world, or deciding if I want to go through with it or not.

    I have tried to keep a calm, logical perspective on things and I can't help but feel incredibly sad over my situation. The only family I have in this world is my aunt, whom I live with, and we don't get along. My mother died last April. She was the greatest friend I have ever known. I am just so sad that I don't have her support. I know my aunt will be very disappointed in me, and feel that I am just adding to the burden I've become to her. And she will remind me of it every day of our life together.

    My boyfriend doesn't know yet. Prior to finding out I was pregnant, I was thinking maybe it was time to move on. I don't know what to do and I don't know how he will react. As future parents, we don't have the foundation to build a family.

    I work so hard but am still so poor. I can't envision myself buying a crib or cheerfully taking baby to the doctor. It is hard to envision the love and joy of bringing a new human to the world when the financial burden and guilt I feel make me think I would be a horrible parent.

    The only thing that is keeping me hopeful is that I wish my mom had had me 10 years sooner, when she was my age, so that I could have enjoyed another 10 years with my best friend. And if I ever have a child of my own, I want to spend as much time with it as possible, too.

    I am so conflicted and sad. I have been crying all day. I just miss my mom and wish she were here with me.
     
  2. MsJMouse

    MsJMouse Mum!! : -)

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    Your post made me want to cry :cry:. :hugs: Nothing beats a mum hug and I am sorry to hear your mum isn't here to give you one.

    Good luck with your decision as it sounds like a hard one.
     
  3. NatashaZ

    NatashaZ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you... you are right, nothing beats a hug from mom. I wish my aunt and I had the same sort of bond but we don't. My friend said that I shouldn't stress about it yet, that one morning I will wake up with the resolve to do whatever it is I decide. I very much want to have a baby but I don't know if it is for the right reasons. I want that mother/child bond back very much :(
     
  4. menageriemom

    menageriemom Well-Known Member

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    I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this :( I cannot imagine the sadness of losing a parent.

    As far as the financial aspect if you plan on keeping the pregnancy- there are plenty of programs to help you while you need it. State insurance, WIC, EBT. You can find almost everything you need for baby second hand (aside from things like a car seat) and even free! Free Cycle and Craigslist are great resources. Your pregnancy is timed perfectly for yard sale season! I'm sure you can buy all of the first year's wardrobe for less than $20 or $30.

    You aren't required to stay with your boyfriend if you don't want to be with him. It's very possible to successfully co-parent and even if you have issues with him being involved you are still entitled to child support to help you care for your LO. However, you may be surprised with his reaction!

    This forum is a wonderful resource of supportive women. Hope you feel better soon, whatever your choice may be. Keep your chin up!
     
  5. NatashaZ

    NatashaZ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you menageriemom. I know there are resources, but going through it all is overwhelming. I was glancing over the section 8 housing application for my county, and it was just so hard to figure out. I don't know if it is normal to be this emotional at 6 weeks, but it is clouding my focus and I hope I can just get through the next few weeks without being too depressed about it all.
     
  6. menageriemom

    menageriemom Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed right now. Our hormones are totally out of whack! :flower:
     
  7. AndreaBat

    AndreaBat Well-Known Member

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    Hi hon .. dont have any advice for you but i juys wanted to say I know how u feel .. I lost my Mom suddenly overnight gone .. it left the biggest hole in my heart and it has always been like that and now i really wish she was here .. she never saw me get married (im now divorced) she will never get to see my baby or hold her .. I feel like she has missed out on so much and I just wanted to send u a cyber hug .. whatever your decision and yes it is such a hard one make sure you make the decision for you not for anybody else because you will have to live with it forever not them. Also remember our hormones are all over the place at the moment and sometimes we cant see sense and nothing makes sense .. give it some time .. give yourself some time .. try and talk to some1 who is a complete outsider - sometimes that works. BIG HUG hon.
     
  8. MrsHedgehog

    MrsHedgehog Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and I'm sending you lots of motherly hugs! Remember though that although your mum is physically gone she is still with you. My advice to you is this. Sit down quietly, close your eyes and think about your mum. Feel her sitting next to you, hugging you. What would she say to you? What advice would she give you? Her voice is inside your heart and if you listen carefully you'll hear it.

    I hope that you manage to get through this ok. Whatever your decision, there are people who sill support you. You're not alone.

    Take care x x
     

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