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Im sorry if this turns out to be really long winded and boring but i just wanted to make people aware that there is a positive in all of this. 
Me and my fiance, decided to try for a baby just after our year anniversary. Im 22 and he's 25 (as of now). Though i was a bit reserved about it at first i gladly went ahead. I found out about a month after we started trying I was pregnant, we we're both elated but it soon turned to tears as it turned out to be a chemical
We decided not to get disheartened and carry on trying. I then discovered i was pregnant again on fiance's 25th birthday, a lovely positive even though very faint was on the pregnancy test so i showed everyone at the party and we we're both really proud, ive never seen fiance so happy. We we're going away on holiday 2 days after!, we went away for a whole week in Wales to celebrate fiance's birthday and it felt like we we're celebrating the pregnancy too!, unfortunately we lost our little bean 5 days after we got back off holiday!..It was a massive downward spiral after that..We both argued constantly and it really did feel like the end.
Anyway, 3/4 months after that i was late for my period..But tried not to think anything of it as i was over a week late previous times and turned out not to be pregnant. So i carried on for the next week totally clueless!, i told OH who would pester me to test!, so i finally caved in at a week and 1 day late and got a positive..We both couldn't believe it!, we tried 3 more tests which all came back positive, my clearblue digi got 3+ straight away!.
At my first scan (12 weeks), we found out that the baby was healthy and i was hoping and praying for it to be a girl!..I dont know what it is about girls but i think i really wanted one to dress in lots of pinks and ribbons and dote upon how cute they look!, and of course name her after my grandma who died before i was born! (Pinks my favourite colour!
)..All along OH was convinced our little one was a boy, each time id get annoyed at him for suggesting it, keeping the faith that she'd be a girl.
My big scan was at 20 weeks & 6 days and the sonographer asked if i wanted to know the sex, i was so excited and agreed!..After he did all the necessary checks he carried on scanning, my heart was beating really quickly..I felt sick with nerves!..He then proceeded to show me his 'Package', and then said 'Yep, i think you'll find he's a boy'..My face just dropped, the smile i had now had turned into much more of a grimace!..The sonographer asked if i was alright after seeing my face, i just nodded and lied and said everything was fine!..Knowing id died a little inside from not carrying a girl!..
When we got out of the hospital i let out a small cry and OH proceeded to hug me and tell me it wasn't that bad and at least he's healthy, he'd probably clicked on to my disappointment when having the scan!..I told him it was bad as i dont love him as much as id love a little girl.
The weeks passed after the scan, it got so bad i even refused to address my baby by 'he'..It become more of an 'It' or a 'thing'..I got so down that I told OH i didn't want the baby because he was a boy..He was so worried and I had everyone else telling me how happy they were about me having a boy, i didn't share in their happiness, and told one of my friends that she could have him after he was born as i had no desire to keep him!..She was horrified to say the least!..At night id think about the two i lost and wonder to myself if either one of them had been girls and that someone really didn't like me if they we're girls!
But once i talked to my midwife about how i was feeling and shared my feelings with my friends and family, im gradually starting to accept that no im not having a girl and theres plenty of time for me to try again, but in 7 weeks i will have a son and I know in the beginning i hated him, im now thankful he's healthy
Me and my fiance, decided to try for a baby just after our year anniversary. Im 22 and he's 25 (as of now). Though i was a bit reserved about it at first i gladly went ahead. I found out about a month after we started trying I was pregnant, we we're both elated but it soon turned to tears as it turned out to be a chemical
We decided not to get disheartened and carry on trying. I then discovered i was pregnant again on fiance's 25th birthday, a lovely positive even though very faint was on the pregnancy test so i showed everyone at the party and we we're both really proud, ive never seen fiance so happy. We we're going away on holiday 2 days after!, we went away for a whole week in Wales to celebrate fiance's birthday and it felt like we we're celebrating the pregnancy too!, unfortunately we lost our little bean 5 days after we got back off holiday!..It was a massive downward spiral after that..We both argued constantly and it really did feel like the end.
Anyway, 3/4 months after that i was late for my period..But tried not to think anything of it as i was over a week late previous times and turned out not to be pregnant. So i carried on for the next week totally clueless!, i told OH who would pester me to test!, so i finally caved in at a week and 1 day late and got a positive..We both couldn't believe it!, we tried 3 more tests which all came back positive, my clearblue digi got 3+ straight away!.
At my first scan (12 weeks), we found out that the baby was healthy and i was hoping and praying for it to be a girl!..I dont know what it is about girls but i think i really wanted one to dress in lots of pinks and ribbons and dote upon how cute they look!, and of course name her after my grandma who died before i was born! (Pinks my favourite colour!
)..All along OH was convinced our little one was a boy, each time id get annoyed at him for suggesting it, keeping the faith that she'd be a girl.My big scan was at 20 weeks & 6 days and the sonographer asked if i wanted to know the sex, i was so excited and agreed!..After he did all the necessary checks he carried on scanning, my heart was beating really quickly..I felt sick with nerves!..He then proceeded to show me his 'Package', and then said 'Yep, i think you'll find he's a boy'..My face just dropped, the smile i had now had turned into much more of a grimace!..The sonographer asked if i was alright after seeing my face, i just nodded and lied and said everything was fine!..Knowing id died a little inside from not carrying a girl!..
When we got out of the hospital i let out a small cry and OH proceeded to hug me and tell me it wasn't that bad and at least he's healthy, he'd probably clicked on to my disappointment when having the scan!..I told him it was bad as i dont love him as much as id love a little girl.
The weeks passed after the scan, it got so bad i even refused to address my baby by 'he'..It become more of an 'It' or a 'thing'..I got so down that I told OH i didn't want the baby because he was a boy..He was so worried and I had everyone else telling me how happy they were about me having a boy, i didn't share in their happiness, and told one of my friends that she could have him after he was born as i had no desire to keep him!..She was horrified to say the least!..At night id think about the two i lost and wonder to myself if either one of them had been girls and that someone really didn't like me if they we're girls!
But once i talked to my midwife about how i was feeling and shared my feelings with my friends and family, im gradually starting to accept that no im not having a girl and theres plenty of time for me to try again, but in 7 weeks i will have a son and I know in the beginning i hated him, im now thankful he's healthy
bump
one
bump and I felt so guilty that I had a preference to what I wanted, now all I pray for is a healthy little boy xxx
