A toddler at a funeral? What's your opinion?

[channy3232]

My great Aunt is very ill and is not expected to make it for more than a week or so. Rocco is 18 months. Do I take him or not? My Mom called me yesterday to make sure I planned ahead on what to wear and so my OH gave word at work that he'll need a few days off soon. I sent her a text and asked if we need an outfit for Rocco or if we should take him to my in laws. She said "use what you have. We'll talk later" so I guess she's thinking we should take him. I guess I just don't feel comfortable as I'm part of her immediate family that will be "representing" the funeral if that makes sense. We (my parents, brothers, sisters) are planning it, we're not just "guests" there. My OH will be there and he can watch Rocco while I help with family duties. But I guess when I think of a funeral, I picture everyone sitting around being quiet and I'm afraid if Rocco is there and he's being a typical toddler, running, laughing, etc, someone might think he's being inappropriate? Does that make sense? Not that they should expect him to know what's going on, but I guess I'm afraid someone will think it was inappropriate that we brought him. My Aunt Nancy loves Rocco and I feel like he should be there because of that but I guess I'm just a little scared. The church does have a "cry room" for children and I think they have toys in it and stuff. Ughhhhh I just don't know what to do.
And for the record, I don't feel comfortable talking about planning what I'm going to wear when my Aunt is still alive. She's 92 and it's not like we're expecting her to miraculously pull through and live another 5 years but I still just feel weird.

 

[amie-leigh]

hun im sorry to hear about your aunt, if it was me i would take Morgan like you said your OH is there so if Rocco needed to go into the cry room he could and if he was a big part of your aunts life then she would want him to be there x

 

[isil]

personally, until I felt my child was old enough to understand what was happening, I wouldn't take them. My son would be upset by other people being upset and I don't feel he'd benefit any from going to a funeral and I don't feel that I would benefit from him coming either...I think if I were going to a funeral, I'd want to go without him. Totally just my opinion though, and all families and funerals too are different I guess sorry you're having to think about this at all

 

[ALY]

i wouldnt let mey 3 go to grandads funeral last year holly was 7 robyn 3 and samsam 1 even tho grandad was very close to my kids i wouldnt want them to see me all upset and crying

i did take them to the club after tho as nan wanted them around and it helped her

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I took my son to my nans funeral. He would have been ummm 2yrs 8mths. The reason I took him was because he was at a difficult age and I didnt have anyone to leave him with. My dad had also said it would be a comfort to see my son there anyway, well the day was sad like funerals are but my family are open about this thing and also the after life. I must add it was a cremation not a burial so a LOT shorter.
I stood at the back and my son was in his buggy eating a apple. I paid my respects and then I waited in the courtyard. Everyone was sad but they all started cheering up with M around. He was brilliantly behaved.

I guess its just what your comfortable with and also everyone else x

 

[hayley x]

I would but thats cause I have no objection to baby's and children being a part of the celebration of someones life iykwim? x

 

[Panda_Ally]

It was my mums funeral on friday, after much toing and froing i decided it was best for holly not to come but be and the after buffet and drinks bit, I wanted the time to say goodbye to my mum without having to worry about her and making noise.

Sorry to hear about your great aunt

 

[~RedLily~]

I would take him. My niece ended up goingto about 3 funerals before she was one and I felt she helped people celebrate that persons life because after a funeral it can be hard to get in the spirit. I don't know if that makes sense.
Sorry to hear about your aunt

 

[kiwimama]

Ella went to her great grandmas funeral about a month ago and coped really well. The actual service was quite short and she seemed to sense that it was a time to be quiet and she was really good and sat nicely and mostly quietly. The reception thing afterwards she ran around and chatted with people, and everyone thought she was very sweet. Her great gran loved her so much, so it was only fitting she came to her funeral.

 

[ChloesMummy]

My gran died on Halloween, I didn't take the girls. I wouldn't want them to see the tears or the coffin, I just didn't feel right about taking them. It's however you feel about it all and what your comfortable with I don't think there's a right or wrong way x

 

[smokey]

I took Brian to his great grandfathers funeral a 2 weeks ago mainly because I felt even though he was only a baby it was a time for all the family to be together.
His great grandmother was glad to have him there because I thin kit also provided some kind of distraction afterwards.
It was a lovely funeral (as lovely as funerals can be) and he was so well behaved not a murmer out of him he just sat on his daddys lap watching it all but then he is very well behaved in church as well.
He sat up the front with his daddy as it was OH grandfather with OH sister and grandmother.
I was confused about what to dress him in but others said to me you dont realy need to worry about that so much with a baby but he had a pair of black trousers anyway and I got him a dark grey shirt.
Even during a meal for the family afterwards he was very well behaved, he is a little angel around company so no one believes me how he can be a little monster when he wants to be

 

[marley2580]

Personally, for close family I would take them unless I felt they couldn't behave. If it's a funeral rather than a cremation what about taking him to the cemetery instead of the church? A little noise is less noticeable when you're outside.

 

[Laura2919]

I dont think I would take my girls.

 

[topsy]

We went to my OH nan funeral last wed, and there was a little girl there who was about 15 months. It was at a crematorium, she sat in her buggy the whole time, was waving a book she had, but hardly made a peep.

Back at home everyone was talking to her, and I felt she really lightened the mood, as she toddled round the house with her pink cup, and that mum was there on her own.

So sorry to hear about your aunt, Take care xx

 

[channy3232]

I'm not worried about him seeing us upset. I'm not sure he'll really understand what's going on. Maybe I'm underestimating. My Mom said her and her sister talked about the service and they're planning on it being on a short service in the evening rather than an all day event that my Great Uncle's was. And they aren't going to have the cemetery service. She said it's going to be short and that it would be fine to take Rocco. My parents live close by so if he gets really cranky or anything, my husband can take him to their house.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I'm not worried about him seeing us upset. I'm not sure he'll really understand what's going on. Maybe I'm underestimating. My Mom said her and her sister talked about the service and they're planning on it being on a short service in the evening rather than an all day event that my Great Uncle's was. And they aren't going to have the cemetery service. She said it's going to be short and that it would be fine to take Rocco. My parents live close by so if he gets really cranky or anything, my husband can take him to their house.

I think it will be fine then. I dont regret taking my son. Hope the day goes as well as it can

 

[T-Bex]

We took Bethan to my OH's grandma's funeral when she was 4 months, and her being there cheered people up, quite a bit. I'll take her to anymore that happen, too.

 

[hopeandpray]

Here small children are almost always brought to funerals. People like to see them laughing and running around. However if you think that you will be very visibly upset and that that will upset your LO then I would either not bring or get someone else to take him. So sorry for you loss

 

[polo_princess]

For me it entirely depends on whose funeral it is ... if it were my mums, then of course i would take Brooke, but if it were my cousins, uncles nan, then no

I dont find funerals appropriate for children on the whole, but i do understand there are exceptions, hope that makes sense

 

[cuteboots]

My brother died this year, I had my 2 youngest with me as id no one to mind them, the priest even commented on how they brought life to the mass, just what my brother would have wanted as he lived life the way it should have. OH was there to help out with them if they had of played up a little but they were grand.