Aagh! Awful Atmosphere Between my Teen Daughter and Her Father!

[LucindaE]

Aagh! Aagh! Aghh! (sorry, that's better, I just had to get that out).
I knew that when my daughter reached her adolescence that she would:-

1) Avoid being seen with me
2) Think all my opinions laughable
3) Find me a walking embarrassment
4) Say she had the worst parents in the world.

That's all happened; fine, I expected it.

But - there is an awful atmosphere these days between my daughter and her father of late. She is sullen, he becomes authoritarian, they can't get on at all.

She's working hard at school and isn't drinking, or taking drugs, or whatever, but they can't get on. Probably they are too alike, very strong minded and opinionated. I have to say that patience has never been his strong point.

A lot of psychologists say, of course, that you should let other family members sort out their relationship difficulties or you get into a triangle that increases the conflict between the warring two - you end up being seen as siding with one of them.

I tried getting to get them to talk and things are never resolved, so I'm doing the non-intervention at the moment, but it's hard!

Anyone else experiencing this?

Sorry for rant

Lucinda XXX

 

[LucindaE]

Come on, sweet ladies, somebody must have experienced something like it? I feel such a fool with so many people clicking on this, and nobody having a thing to say! It's as if everyone's saying

Lucinda

XX

 

[v2007]

The only experience ive got is fom my own teens.

Me and my dad are both very similar and once i turned 14 i was very hard wrk, i was just so defiant and made their life very hard.

I would just say leave them to it, its hard not to get involved but they will just turn on you and you will look like the bad guy, i used to do this, and my poor Mam, God i feel awful now

They dont stay like this forever.



V xxxx

 

[Alexandra91]

Hi, im 19 and since around 14 me and my dad have not got on well at all. Its a shame because i was always a daddy's girl! We are both VERY alike as you said with your daughter and her dad - compared to my sisters who are a lot like my mum. when i got to about 18 i used to make more of an effort and we would have long chats about things i knew interested him. I think you will just have to sit it out until your daughter is a little older? I know that my relationship with my dad did get a little better (until i announced i was pregnant.. haha sorry dont mean to scare you!!!) I hope they work it out x

 

[LucindaE]

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply, Alexnadra.

You must be a mature enough 19, to be taking time out to talk to me about this and for your ability to see that it is the similarity of your personality to your Dad's that caused all the friction, as it must be with my terror and her Dad, too.

I think you are right. Young people are often wiser than middle aged ones!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sure your Dad will be a doting Grandad!

LucindaE

XXX

 

[Alexandra91]

Thanks LuncindaE! I am sure he will as well but he is a man after all, stubborn like the lot of them! Another thing that helped to bring my whole family closer together is every sunday we all go to the pub for lunch just for a chat and to discuss what we have done throughout the week? i dont know if that would be possible for your family but it has bought us all closer together including me and my sisters and i love it! x

 

[Laura2919]

I havent had any experience but i am sure when mine get to 15 they will be like it.

Maybe you should take her out for some lunch and ask her why she is being like that towards him!

Or it could be a phase. Maybe she wants to be treated like an adult.. lol I remember those famous words when I was younger. lol x

 

[LucindaE]

Sounds like a good idea, if she can stand being seen with us, that is!

Thanks, girls!

LucindaE
xxxx

 

[Serene123]

I'm 20 but me and my mum have never gotten on because we're exactly the same (even if she won't admit it!) I've said some horrible things to her in the past but I've never meant any of them... it's frustrating when someone is better and more experienced at being like you Does that make sense?

 

[lozzy21]

A lot of dads cant handle the fact that there daughters are no longer there little girls and very soon she will be going on drinking and discovering boys so they become strict to try to stop this from happaning.

 

[LucindaE]

Thanks, girls!

Toriaatrash.

Yes, I think the more we are like to a person, the more annoying we find them... They are both perfectionists, who insist on things being done their way...

Lozzy21.

Yes, there's a lot of sense in that, too. Rebellion is in the air...

Thanks for your insights!

LucindaE
XXXX

 

[lozzy21]

Hope things improve x

 

[Dinoslass]

Oooh, that must be an awful situation. I have three teenagers and we have had so many problems with my now 18 year old daughter. But never anything between either parent and her, just the whole family (including her brothers) and her.
But you must feel bad being in the middle. Hopefully it is just a teenage thing and in a few years time it will just blow over and they will find a way to get along. Not that it helps much now. I would suggest talking to both of them separately and just ask them to at least make an effort to have a nicer atmosphare in the house because this is affecting everyone. It does sometimes help. I know my boys do try better if we have had a normal conversation about how things go with them.
Fortunately I never had the thing that they do not want to be seen with us. So when puberty hormones race around and doors are banged we do try and go somewhere to do something fun as a family, which they always enjoy and for us it seems to clear the air for a while after that!

Good luck!

 

[LucindaE]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

lozzy21 - thanks, adore that siggy!
Dinoslass, thanks, yes, siblings fighting is less tiresome, love that photo!

Time will hopefully retore peace in the home! They make sporadic attempts to get on...


LucindaE
XXX

 

[zoe6660]

reading that is like me and my dad, i was daddy girls but coz we was soo alike we would shout and never agree on anything coz we was subborn, im 20 this year and im close with both my parents but coz my other sisters was being treated different and i was the oldest and had the hard end of everything i wanted out so thats when i moved up my fiance, i dont see my dad much but i go down and when i see them he is great with me he will try and joke and laugh, i think they need that bond back coz i miss my dad and i was soo subborn i wont ammit it to him but he knows and coz men dont understand they wont come to you u have to go to them and talk. that i still havnt talked to my dad but now i try and talk about my moped to him and stuff to have a convo but im sorry im not much help but i think if they done something together and they didnt relise like a day out camping as a family or the cinema. i hope it works out for you.

 

[LucindaE]

Ah, thank you, Zoe¬

We shall see what can be worked out. You are right, though - men are hopeless at communicating about feelings and my daughter is very stubborn, too.

Lucinda
XXX