So...long story: I am a 25 year old female, married for 2 years, and in college pre-vet med.
1. Needless to say, the year and a half of pre med I have before applying to the 4 year med school will all be stopped (and changed to nursing) or put off for a while. I will most likely go for my RN now instead of a DVM. BIG DOWNGRADE!
2. My marriage recently had a huge speed bump, where my husband and I separated for a few weeks and some major trust was broken (on my part) and betrayal took place (by me). Shortly after I became pregnant.
3. We are quite broke, living pay check to pay check with no stable income. No health insurance. No savings. However, we always make it and my husband is quite resourceful and we were already getting more stable before the pregnancy.
4. We live a very calm, relaxing, spontaneous lifestyle. In the country, with a dog and cat, chickens- laid back type lifestyle. But we still up and go to Louisiana, Colorado, the city, out drinking, etc whenever we feel like it. I love this!
So, due to all these things I am terrified. The 4th issues (the selfish one) is the one that keeps coming to the forefront of my thoughts. Things such as not being able to go shopping when we get an extra dollar, be carefree, spend all day in bed hungover, going to brunch until 3 pm and day drinking, spending the weekend at the beach last minute. I love my life. I love our life together, our free time, our busy college time, etc. I love being a carefree and beautiful 25 year old. I am terrified that I will become fat, frumpy, dumpy, wearing mom jeans, never enjoying mimosa's in the sun, never spending time with my dog (who is like my child), not laying in bed all day having sex. I know I wont do these things. I am already starting to resent the little pumpkin seed size baby inside of me. I feel like it is sucking the life out of me. This makes me feel selfish. Especially when I have the moments of happiness and excitement- like having a baby is natural and what I am supposed to be doing at 25 years old.
We are intelligent, more put together than MOST people who have kids in all reality, responsible (regardless of our carefree lifestyle, we are quite put together).
Then the realistic and unselfish issues of college completion, money, careers or good jobs, marital issues, etc. That only adds to it. We live paycheck to paycheck, have 5000 in debt, live 150 miles from our families, and have unconventional ways of making money and living. This all makes me scared I wont be able to provide.
But for some reason, the selfish issues take precedent- I know everyone says once you have a baby you wouldn't change it for the world, you love it, it changes your life for the better, etc. But that's just it. I don't want my life to change at all. For better or worse. I love my lazy sunday brunches in the city with my girlfriends, shopping sprees, hangover days, clean house, caffeine binges during finals (never thought I'd say that), partying, camping, festivals, and most of all being able to do what I want when I want. With nothing to worry about except my dog.
I remember my in laws saying I should not put so much emphasis on education and career and start a family, or I will be a dried up career woman with nothing but an extensive shoe collection and good fashion. And at the time I thought- that doesn't sound so bad!? That is what i WANT. Occasionally hormones would kick in and the love for my husband, I would think I could be happily barefoot & pregnant in the country. Then reality, neither of us want that. We LOVE our lives!!!
I am scared I will 1.) like my new baby life and become one of the mutant mothers I never wanted to be. Wearing Mom Jeans and taking my kid EVERYWHERE annoying EVERYONE. 2.) I will lose my single, fun, not kid friendly friends. 3) I will put my college on hold and never get back to it. At the very least trade in nurse for doctor. 4.) I will never be hot again. I will be mom hot maybe, but never size 2 hot again.
5.) My husband and I wont have our alone time anymore. 6.) My dog will get neglected. 7.) My free time wont be my own. I will always be a mom. 8.) I will never get my youth back. It will be gone with the kid forever. 9.) I wont do a good job as a parent. I wont afford it, I will mess up, etc.
Please tell me that this is normal? And furthermore, I am not putting down any women who planned to or are enjoying being pregnant. This is just MY SELFISH attitude towards my life.... and I kind of enjoyed being selfish. Perhaps that is the problem....
1. Needless to say, the year and a half of pre med I have before applying to the 4 year med school will all be stopped (and changed to nursing) or put off for a while. I will most likely go for my RN now instead of a DVM. BIG DOWNGRADE!
2. My marriage recently had a huge speed bump, where my husband and I separated for a few weeks and some major trust was broken (on my part) and betrayal took place (by me). Shortly after I became pregnant.
3. We are quite broke, living pay check to pay check with no stable income. No health insurance. No savings. However, we always make it and my husband is quite resourceful and we were already getting more stable before the pregnancy.
4. We live a very calm, relaxing, spontaneous lifestyle. In the country, with a dog and cat, chickens- laid back type lifestyle. But we still up and go to Louisiana, Colorado, the city, out drinking, etc whenever we feel like it. I love this!
So, due to all these things I am terrified. The 4th issues (the selfish one) is the one that keeps coming to the forefront of my thoughts. Things such as not being able to go shopping when we get an extra dollar, be carefree, spend all day in bed hungover, going to brunch until 3 pm and day drinking, spending the weekend at the beach last minute. I love my life. I love our life together, our free time, our busy college time, etc. I love being a carefree and beautiful 25 year old. I am terrified that I will become fat, frumpy, dumpy, wearing mom jeans, never enjoying mimosa's in the sun, never spending time with my dog (who is like my child), not laying in bed all day having sex. I know I wont do these things. I am already starting to resent the little pumpkin seed size baby inside of me. I feel like it is sucking the life out of me. This makes me feel selfish. Especially when I have the moments of happiness and excitement- like having a baby is natural and what I am supposed to be doing at 25 years old.
We are intelligent, more put together than MOST people who have kids in all reality, responsible (regardless of our carefree lifestyle, we are quite put together).
Then the realistic and unselfish issues of college completion, money, careers or good jobs, marital issues, etc. That only adds to it. We live paycheck to paycheck, have 5000 in debt, live 150 miles from our families, and have unconventional ways of making money and living. This all makes me scared I wont be able to provide.
But for some reason, the selfish issues take precedent- I know everyone says once you have a baby you wouldn't change it for the world, you love it, it changes your life for the better, etc. But that's just it. I don't want my life to change at all. For better or worse. I love my lazy sunday brunches in the city with my girlfriends, shopping sprees, hangover days, clean house, caffeine binges during finals (never thought I'd say that), partying, camping, festivals, and most of all being able to do what I want when I want. With nothing to worry about except my dog.
I remember my in laws saying I should not put so much emphasis on education and career and start a family, or I will be a dried up career woman with nothing but an extensive shoe collection and good fashion. And at the time I thought- that doesn't sound so bad!? That is what i WANT. Occasionally hormones would kick in and the love for my husband, I would think I could be happily barefoot & pregnant in the country. Then reality, neither of us want that. We LOVE our lives!!!
I am scared I will 1.) like my new baby life and become one of the mutant mothers I never wanted to be. Wearing Mom Jeans and taking my kid EVERYWHERE annoying EVERYONE. 2.) I will lose my single, fun, not kid friendly friends. 3) I will put my college on hold and never get back to it. At the very least trade in nurse for doctor. 4.) I will never be hot again. I will be mom hot maybe, but never size 2 hot again.
5.) My husband and I wont have our alone time anymore. 6.) My dog will get neglected. 7.) My free time wont be my own. I will always be a mom. 8.) I will never get my youth back. It will be gone with the kid forever. 9.) I wont do a good job as a parent. I wont afford it, I will mess up, etc.
Please tell me that this is normal? And furthermore, I am not putting down any women who planned to or are enjoying being pregnant. This is just MY SELFISH attitude towards my life.... and I kind of enjoyed being selfish. Perhaps that is the problem....
