Advice about a daycare situation

[bookworm0901]

My kids go to a mother's day out 2 days per week. I actually work at the same mother's day out and I have really gotten to know my DD's teachers, and they are great. Sometimes they annoy me lol, but they really love the babies and that is very clear. I also breastfeed so they bring her to me to nurse throughout the day, she will not take a bottle for nothing.

So, she started going to the mother's day out at 4 months old. It starts at 9:30 am and she wakes up at 7:30-8 am in the morning. When she was really little, she would be ready for a nap the second school started, which was fine. Honestly, I always thought she was sleeping a little too much at school but I was okay with it since she was so little and needed her sleep anyway.

Now, she is almost 10 months old and STILL sleeping first thing when school started. I never gave her teachers a set schedule because I usually just go off of her cues (she's hungry, feed her. She's tired, give her a nap, etc). Well, I finally decided that she doesn't need to be sleeping that much, I kept thinking it would change but it hasn't changed. I decided that they weren't understanding her cues (it's only 2 days/week and she's changing so much that maybe they mistake everything for sleepy?) So I told them that I was going to give them a better schedule for her so that it mimics what her schedule is like at home.

Yesterday was the first day of her schedule, and I told them she would be ready for her first nap between 11am-12pm (I'm trying to be as flexible as I can, even though her nap is usually closer to noon lately). When I said that, one of her teachers said "so you only want her to have ONE nap per day!?!?" I said "no, school is out at 2:30 so her second nap will be at home." They acted so surprised. So school starts......

They called me at 10 AM and said "she's really fussy and she's EXHAUSTED! But we are trying to hold her off so that we can stick to your schedule!!" Ugh. The point of my schedule wasn't to make her miserable. So I went to her classroom, and she was really fussy, so I took her and nursed her. I brought her back to them (and with me, she was pretty happy), and told them let me know if she is still acting sleepy. 10 minutes later, they call me again and said that she is falling asleep on the floor.....So I gave up and went to her class and helped them put her to sleep. I forgot to add that I also did the gradual retreat method of sleep training recently and this was her first day of it at school, so I wanted to be there to help get her to sleep.

I was a little annoyed that she went to sleep an hour and a half earlier than I wanted, and earlier than what she has been needing at home, but I don't get it! Is she just sleepier on school days every week? Does going to school wear her out? Or is she so used to taking a million naps at school that that is all she wants to do at school, it's like her "school routine"? Being another teacher at the school, I have a bit of insider knowledge and I know her teachers are extremely overwhelmed, they have several fussy babies, all on different schedules, not enough hands, etc. And I KNOW its easier on them when my DD is "out of the way" asleep....

So, a little while later, I happened to see one of her teachers in the hallway and I asked her how she was doing. She said, "She's awake from her nap, she's eating her lunch but still acting sleepy." I said "well, she might need a few minutes to wake up" and she said "She's been awake for a while now....." I just said "well, let me know how she is". They came to get me around 1:30 to let me know that, again, she was falling over with exhaustion. She had only been awake at school for maybe an hour, and they were wanting to give her another nap!!!

I have a toddler class and they were all napping, so I left my class with my coteacher and I just got my DD from her class and told them I would spend a little time with her and she what I thought. She was happy and her usual self the entire time I had her, not acting like she needed a nap at all. I took her back to her class at 2 PM and school gets out at 2:30, so I didn't hear from them again until I picked her up and they never mentioned her falling over tired again.

I'm so confused. Does my DD maybe just need more attention than they are able to give her, so she's fussy and gets tired more quickly?

This seems so ridiculous to me!!

At home, she gets 2 naps a day, one is around noon and the other is around 4. She goes down for bed at around 8. At school, she is getting AT LEAST 2 naps, before school is even over at 2:30. Her teachers were acting like I'm not giving her what she needs or that my schedule didn't match her needs. I just told them the routine she has put herself on at home. My mom happens to work at the school also and she was the one who encouraged me to tell her teachers a schedule because it's annoying that she's always sleeping. Like I said, they are busy and having my DD sleep is helpful to them, but I know they aren't lying about her being fussy. I think maybe she just needs more attention playing and can't keep herself entertained, so she fusses and they put her to sleep. Anyone have an idea of what might be going on?

 

[shinona]

My children always had a different routine at nursery than at home. They were used to both and it never impacted on their night sleep.
Is her different routine at school affecting her night sleep? If not, and she's going off to sleep happily then it might just be that she's more tired there than at home and I wouldn't insist on an identical schedule
Xx

 

[bookworm0901]

Honestly she's not a very good sleeper either way. She has gotten infinitely better since I did the gradual retreat sleep training, so that played a role in wanting to imitate her home schedule. She's been doing so much better that I want it to continue lol, and thought it might help if her routine is the same 7 days per week.

But it also just frustrates me how much she sleeps at school. Sometimes I feel like she's just a nuisance to them since they're used to her sleeping, so at the slightest fuss, she goes straight down for a nap. And part of the problem is, she actually is very easy to put to sleep and so if you rock her, she will sleep, even if she doesn't need it. And they always say "She was fussy, but she went straight to sleep so she must have needed it!" I'm definitely not insisting on an identical schedule, which is why I tried to put time ranges (nap between 11-12) instead of nap at 11:30, etc.

 

[sue_88]

I've never known someone to just be able to 'put a baby to sleep' whether it's a mum or a nursery worker unless baby is actually tired. A baby will only sleep if tired, clearly some days your LO is.

If baby wants sleep, baby should get sleep. It doesn't matter if she's at home, nursery nor does it matter what time it is.

Maybe they need to give her more interaction during fussy periods but if its a clear tired fussy (I.e getting to the point she's falling asleep on the floor!) then they should put her down whenever. I don't see why you'd need to be consulted over it tbh, or even annoyed with the situation.

When my Lo is at nursery they follow her cues and I et a run down at the end of the day.

 

[LoveCakes]

If she isn't tired she won't be going to sleep. She may need more because being up and out of the house and all the other kids is so active for her. Jones may be more relaxing and less tiring.

By contacting you it sounds like they do care and want to do what you ask.

Is there any reason it's annoying you? If it hasn't affected her sleep at home maybe just let her do her thing in school.

 

[bookworm0901]

My child WILL sleep if you rock her. Doesn't matter what time it is or when she last slept. The rocking motion puts her straight to sleep. It does not mean she needs it.

It frustrates me, like I said, because I worry that they are trying to just get her out of the way, so its one less baby to worry about. At almost 10 months old, she doesn't need to be sleeping for the 4/5 hours she is at school. Also, she has finally started sleeping better at home which is why I want to get the school situation taken care of.

Of course she needs to sleep if she's falling asleep on the floor. However, this is what I think is happening. They put her down to play, she's not too good at independent play and fusses so much that she wears herself out, then needs a nap. I am a sahm and I know my baby. She doesn't need sleep as much as she is getting it at school. I just don't know how to remedy the situation when fussing is wearing her out to the point of needing a nap.

 

[sue_88]

If you're a SAHM, then remove her from daycare? if you're finding she's fussy there and they are treating her how you would then perhaps she wants to be with you where she gets what she needs?

 

[bookworm0901]

Not to be rude, but honestly I wasn't asking about whether or not I should keep her in daycare. She goes 2 days a week, for 5 hours per day. The reason she goes is because I wanted my 2.5 year old to go for the socialization and I found out that I could send him and her for free and also make a little money if I worked there too. The first 5 months have been great and my 2 year old is doing awesome there now, I would rather figure out what is going on for this one issue than let her sleep all day for the 2 days of school. Also, like I said, I work there and have my own class. I am not going to quit and leave my class in a rut.

 

[Sussy]

If you're a SAHM, then remove her from daycare? if you're finding she's fussy there and they are treating her how you would then perhaps she wants to be with you where she gets what she needs?

She isn't a stay at home mum! She said in her original post she works there too. Not really sure what the point of your post was other than to make her feel bad.

 

[Linnypops]

Odd, sounds like your instincts might be right - they're attributing fussing to needing sleep rather than needing a cuddle and some close time. My dd naps earlier at daycare than at home I've noticed which is fine she's not sleeping all the time or anything. I figure the same - when we're at home I'll see her fussing and I'll help her out/distract her till it's nap time and I reckon at daycare they just don't have the resources to do that kind of one on one time so they just put her to bed... But probably more stimulation at daycare plays into it too. I guess I might say to them that if they see irritability to first try holding her for 10 mins/whatever usually calms her down. I can see why you're not happy with the situation - id be annoyed to find dd napped far more there than at home - it must impact night sleep surely?

 

[sue_88]

If you're a SAHM, then remove her from daycare? if you're finding she's fussy there and they are treating her how you would then perhaps she wants to be with you where she gets what she needs?

She isn't a stay at home mum! She said in her original post she works there too. Not really sure what the point of your post was other than to make her feel bad.

But she's also said she was a SAHM? I'm not trying to make her feel bad I'm confused by op saying all these different things and working out how best to reply for what's best for her lo

 

[sue_88]

Not to be rude, but honestly I wasn't asking about whether or not I should keep her in daycare. She goes 2 days a week, for 5 hours per day. The reason she goes is because I wanted my 2.5 year old to go for the socialization and I found out that I could send him and her for free and also make a little money if I worked there too. The first 5 months have been great and my 2 year old is doing awesome there now, I would rather figure out what is going on for this one issue than let her sleep all day for the 2 days of school. Also, like I said, I work there and have my own class. I am not going to quit and leave my class in a rut.

So you're not a SAHM mum then if you work there, fine, glad I understand after as you're conflicting what you say so I was confused. If your a SAHM then the insinuation is there that you don't work so that's why I recommended taking such a young baby out of daycare.

My LO naps more at nursery due to interactive play, an early start in the morning of a work day, and more mind stimulation I guess. But ultimately my nursery leader follow her cues directly.

It sounds like the caregivers aren't meeting her direct needs then if they have too many children to handle. They should be able to do theirs obs adequately and it sounds like they're not....I would discuss with them that if she's tired, then she can go for a nap, but if she's fussy then they are to rule out a number of things before by playing with her, talking to her, singing to her.

Tell them to do this, and insist if you are called and she's not displaying tired signs (like a previous experience when you thought she was fine) then they are to take her and do an activity with her.

If they can't manage this then you need to go to a manager or something as their care doesn't sound great if they want to get babies 'out of their way' .

 

[_jellybean_]

Hi. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're concerned that your baby isn't getting enough interaction. It sounds like they care about your lo, but if you're really worried, talk to them about this. That's what they're there for. I don't know...if you don't think your lo is being taken care of well enough, then pull lo out of daycare...if you can't get the teachers to interact with your lo as much as lo needs, even after you talk to them, I'm not sure if there is another solution. If you talk to them about it and nothing changes, I'm not sure what else you could do--beside talking to the manager, which might not be a good idea since you work there.

Maybe lo is worn out there b/c it's more stimulating than it is at home. Maybe lo does need more one-on-one attention.

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

My LG has shorter more regular naps at nursery than at home which I put down to the fact she's playing with several other kiddies and doing activities which must be tiring for such a little body. When she a at home we'll play for a while then cuddle for a bit so she isn't doing as much tiring activity and will have 1 big nap in the middle of the day.

I also find that the 10 min car journey to nursery is just long enough to put her to sleep but not long enough for her to nap so she gets to nursery a bit drowsy which means she generally gets an early nap in.

 

[bookworm0901]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Sorry about the sahm/not sahm stuff. The mothers day out only hires sahms and all their kids attend. Its only 10 hrs a week, so I still think of myself as a sahm.

Anyway, yes I'm worried she's not interacted with enough, therefore fussy, therefore tired. Im going to try and really communicate constantly with her teachers to make sure she's getting what she needs.

 

[HKateH]

Honestly there are way bigger fish to fry than naps at daycare... I think the biggest problem here is daycare contacting you over the slightest thing.

 

[fieryphoenix]

Honestly there are way bigger fish to fry than naps at daycare... I think the biggest problem here is daycare contacting you over the slightest thing.

Did you even read the thread? Lol

 

[zorak]

My LO is in daycare and he sleeps more there than at home. He has a nap routine at daycare (led by him) and it's more than he's ever napped at home, it's because of all the activity.

 

[zorak]

I'd also question a baby falling asleep every time it's rocked. To me that sounds like somethings wrong with baby (not meaning to sound alarmist) . Does her breathing change or anything?

 

[bookworm0901]

Honestly there are way bigger fish to fry than naps at daycare... I think the biggest problem here is daycare contacting you over the slightest thing.

mmm....I'm not really sure you read it, hun. I work there and nurse her throughout the day, so I'm in contact with her teachers a lot. Not to mention popping my head in to say "how's my girl?" on occasion. But they used to never contact me except to nurse until I decided to try and get her on a more consistent school schedule to prevent sleeping all day at school.