Advice needed on comfort sucking!

[tillymum]

My LO is impossible to calm down when she cries, the ONLY thing that will calm her is to BF. I seem to be constantly feeding her as a result and it is really starting to stress me out. I am literally feeding her every hour or less even! When she starts to cry she just escalates into a frenzy and nothing other than a BF will calm her! I think this has become a bad habit, my MIL says she's using me as a 'human soother'.

I don't know how to control this! I'm worried about how I will calm her down when I stop BF'ing in a couple of months.

My other problem is getting her to sleep in the day, she used to nap on and off throughout the day but now she fights it at all costs, which makes her tired and upset and.....out comes my boob to comfort her so she'll sleep! I feel like she's attached to me all day and I can't get anything done!
Don't get me wrong she's a happy, chirpy cutie when she's not crying but it's like smile one minute unconsoleable crying the next!

My Dh is convinced she is just hungry all the time and we should start giving her a FF along with BF to top her up and let her go longer or to start her on solids, but I just think she's in the habit of getting boobie when she's upset and now nothing else will console her.

I feel I can't leave her with her Dad or Nan during the day cos she'll kick off and they won't be able to calm her!

I feel like I'm a bad mum to have developed this comfort sucking habit and I don't know how to stop it or how to calm her down and it's just stressing me out now! Plus with Christmas coming I know that my mum and mil will be on at me for how often I feed her and how it's not right, and as well intentioned these comments are they just upset me!!!

Any advice?

 

[leighbaby]

She could genuinely be hungry? They have loads of growth spurts! or have you tried using a dummy?

 

[tillymum]

She could be hungry that's why I keep feeding her but because she is also resisting sleep in the day she gets tired and cries and won't sleep and will only settle if I feed her. She does have a dummy and if I offer it when she gets so upset it's she cries even harder!! It's been going on for the last week or so I originally put it down to a growth spurt but surely not for that long.

Re-reading my post I sound like a right whinging ninny! I'm just tired and had a stressful day, but don't get me wrong I absolutely love her to bits and love the bond and closeness we have and she is a happy baby. I'm just worried I've gotten her used to being BF every time she cries and because I have to feed her every hour (or less) I have no time to do anything.

I'm also worried my supply might have decreased or her appetite has increased and I'm no longer meeting her needs, but she's gaining weight well.

 

[lyre]

i could have written your post! i'm in exactly the same position and it finally got to me last night too. i know i've encouraged it, as i found it a sure fire way to calm him but now he seems to want to be permanently attached even sleeping latched on and when i remove him, he wakes 30 secs later rooting frantically. not sure what to do either. maybe its a growth spurt but its been like this for 2 weeks.

 

[polaris]

First of all you are not a bad mummy for comforting your little one, even if she has developed a comfort suckling habit, there is plenty of time to wean her off it, she is not going to be still doing it as a toddler so don't stress too much about it.

it could be a growth spurt if it's worse recently. We seem to get loads of growth spurts (in the middle of one at the moment i think) and they always make me completely doubt my parenting skills and question my approach with LO. But then things do seem to even off the following week.

My MIL is awful for making comments about demand feeding. Apparently he doesn't need to feed that often and is over-eating and that's why he has problems with wind. Err, thanks!! I just bite my tongue and try to ignore. Luckily my own mum is much more accepting that guidelines have changed since she had babies and anyway i will make my own choices.

Sorry for waffling on, your LO is still very young and I think it is only natural to soothe her in whatever way works. It is very easy for others to criticize but all babies are different. Things will work out in the end, or that's what i keep telling myself. Having said that, I feel your pain at having LO constantly attached to boob and to be honest was hoping that Thomas would have outgrown this by four months, but i can imagine he may not have as he is definitelt a comfort sucker too.

 

[Bec L]

Poppy is very much a comfort sucker - I am very much a human dummy!! I used to beat myself up about it but now I think it's a great tool and if it calms her down then great.

That said, she has been poorly a couple of times in the last month and I have literally spent almost a week each time on the sofa with her just sucking on me. Doesn't help that I am pg and my nipples are v v v sore!

Hopefully your LO will grow out of it hun. Have faith

 

[Foogirl]

I went through this, it eventually sorted itself out when she started sleeping properly. We got her into a proper sleep schedule and stopped feeding her to sleep and now she tends not to comfort suck.

I think they just grow out of it, but it is such a convenient way to calm them down!

 

[avabear73]

I was reading your post and TBH I couold have written it word-for-word!! Starting tomorrow we're going to start really trying to bring in a routine so once that is settled - I'm hoping a few weeks - if he's still doing it then I guess we'll have to look at it. But he'll be ready to start solids by then so that might help - if he's full enough he might not need it as much. We'll see.

 

[Foogirl]

But he'll be ready to start solids by then so that might help - if he's full enough he might not need it as much. We'll see.

Actually, thinking about it, the comfort sucking did stop when we started weaning her....

 

[tillymum]

Thanks ladies, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one and I don't feel so guilty about it!! I think I will try to introduce a daytime routine too Ava and see if that helps. I read on a pampers email that at 4mths she should be getting two 1-3hr naps each day, not really sure how to get her to do the second nap as getting first nap in is hard enough!

See I've been thinking a lot about introducing her to solids as my HV said I can start from 17wks which she is now, I'd rather wait another few weeks, though if it settles her then maybe it's worth it ?!? She is also now waking at 5am (used to just wake at 7/7.30am) so she is definitely hungrier. I might speak to my HV again today about it.

Thanks again

 

[Kitten]

Our 4month growth spurt lasted 3 weeks, as did our 3month so I had this for about 7 weeks run together but it did stop. We've had a mild one which I put down to illness until I realised he was too long for his sleeping bag, lol, and think we're building up to the 6month one now as he just wants to snooze with the boob close by (he actually keeps his eyes shut and uses his hand to push the boob up so he can reach the nipple without moving his head, lazy sod!). I seriously thought I was going to have some kind of breakdown from 10-16weeks but now it's just a distant memory.

 

[petal040]

I agree it could be a growth spurt - I've think the 4 month one is a big one - I've heard it referred to as 'the dreaded 4 month growth spurt' many times, and I think it fools many people into thinking they need to wean earlier than they actually do... because baby seems so hungry, unsettled, starts waking in the night etc etc.

Also - I don't know if it's worth mentioning or not... but as babies get older they can go through a phase of clinging to Mummy - wanting to be physically on or near her all the time - nobody else will do and baby can become frantic if they are left with someone other than her, even if she just nips to the toilet or to have a shower.

I think it is linked to baby becoming more able to tell the difference between their main carer (Mummy - but it could be Daddy or Nanan or whoever) and others. It usually happens around the same time that baby starts crying if they see strange faces (if someone other than Mummy tries to coo at them or hold them etc). It is a normal and healthy stage of attachment and will change as baby grows through it. Not sure how long this lasts - but I think it would vary a lot between babies. It isn't the same thing as separation anxiety... I think that comes later

I would think that that kind of clinginess could involve lots of nursing (being as close to Mummy as possible - physically and emotionally attached - is probably pure bliss for baby at this time).

Breastfeeding is hard work. Hugs

 

[Blob]

I also was in this position not so long ago and she's just grown out of it. If she cried i HAD to feed her if she needed to nap i HAD to feed her But i started taking her out in the pram at nap time and at night i slowly used the 'no cry sleep solution' and she's fine now.
Good Luck!!

 

[tillymum]

at night i slowly used the 'no cry sleep solution' and she's fine now.
Good Luck!!

Just curious what is the 'no cry sleep solution'?

I'm hoping it is a growth spurt, just seems to be taking a loooong time!
She is very clingy too, needs to see where I am or be in my arms alot - I'm hoping it is a phase that will soon pass.

Thanks again.

 

[Elysian1c0]

I'm a human soother then, too. My boy will take a dummy sometimes, but I only give it to him if my nipple is "tired" of being gummed, or if my breasts are too full and he's fighting with the milk (since he's not really hungry). My mother said the same thing, that I wasn't a human pacifier and that letting him be on my boob all the time was gonna wear me out. She even implied that I overfeed him because I'm too lazy to comfort him some other way!! Thanks Mom.

Babies like the closeness of their mommies, and nursing provides them with a lot of good calming hormones, too. I think it's fairly natural for them to want it all the time, sometimes. Adi has had two such bouts, where I was worried he was starved (the first time) and I was worried he would want to be latched on me all the time, for the rest of forever. Neither was the case. (I personally wouldn't introduce formula, but...that's just me)