Advice needed on Controlled crying PLEASE (UPDATE P4 POST #35 ON HOW LAST NIGHT WENT

[iwanta8a8y]

Hi ladies,

I am starting controlled crying as our nights are just getting worse and worse! (He is pretty much 6 months old now) Last night Toby slept for 5 hours, then between 11:50 - 3am he was waking every 10-30 minutes!! I just cant cope with these night wakings anymore and have decided that i am going to go down the CC route...

Tonight Toby was NOT happy going down, he literally SCREAMED for half an hour, choking he was crying so much, it was awful, i hated it, but i feel i have to do this now.

Do they usually scream so hard? or do they just usually cry?

Can you give me some advice on what i need to do when he wakes again -

I leave him for 5-10mins before going in right?
Then calm him without picking him up - this DIDNT work when he went down earlier, just started screaming even louder when he knew i wasnt going to pick him up or give him his dummy!

It going to be a hard few nights, but i guess its the only way it will get better for us!

Not sure how i am going to do, but I am going to give it my best shot

Any help would be really appreciated, thanks everyone

 

[aliss]

You have just started the 6 month growth spurt, similar to the 4 month one, so just be aware that doing CC right now means he is likely crying for food and comfort that he needs. If he's in a growth spurt and developing, then he's going to cry hysterically no matter what you do because leaving him to cry is not going to fix anything.

Good luck to you hunny But I think you need to wait a bit longer. You really cannot do this kind of sleep training during a growth spurt.

 

[ellers]

I did this recently, but it is hard! However, it worked in one night, and since then (apart from the odd night, illness etc) has slept til about 6.30am. The odd squawk, but not needing us to go in,
We did 3 minute intervals - so, 3, 6, 9 etc.
The first night I got to 18 minutes (so about 1 hour 15 in total) before he slept and I was soooo on the verge of giving up. However, IF you give up at say 12 minutes, then your LO will know that he needs to go that far before you'll give in.
I would go in, put his dummy back in (he has about 4-5 scattered around his cot), lay him down, shush him, tell him 'it's alright, good boy' over and over, and leave. Probably spent about 1 minute in with him - I found it impossible to do a speedy turnaround because, as yours, he went hysterical when I went in.
Remember, you're not supposed to do CC before 6 months, but if you're at the end of the line, then go for it.
You need to be in totally the right head space to do this - I made a decision one evening of 'right, enough is enough' and did it. I'm so glad we did. And we did it at a year old, so he'd gotten so used to coming in with us.
Get a book and a stopwatch, and try to ignore it. Also, if he sounds like he's settling just as you're due to go in, leave him another 30 seconds or so and see what happens.
Good luck - be strong. He won't remember this x

 

[riohound]

Im afraid i cant advise on cc as ive never done it but i was just wondering why you dont give him his dummy? Wouldnt his dummy help him to settle?x

 

[NG09]

Can't really advise on the CC but my LO was exactly as you have described at 5 months, we just went with it, yeah it was endless and lasted around 5-6 weeks but we got through it. We took him into bed with us and he settled no problem after that. I was concerned that he would get used to it and not go back into his cot but he went back into his own room when he was ready and sleeps through in there no problem now.

 

[QTPie]

Ellers has great advice

I agree that CC isn't the best approach, but sometimes you are at the end of the line and it has to be done. We did it at just over 10 months: LO had STTN since 3 months, but then had increasing disrupted nights due to us swapping the last boobie of the night to bottle. My mum was being released from hospital, into our care, after very major surgery - we couldn't have him waking in the night. It took about 3 nights, but we cracked it (and not too much crying really).

I would recommend that your OH (assuming you have an OH) does the checking/settling. He will have less of a manipulating reaction when OH tries to calm/settle him AND fathers tend to be less easily manipulated.

Good luck.

 

[iwanta8a8y]

You have just started the 6 month growth spurt, similar to the 4 month one, so just be aware that doing CC right now means he is likely crying for food and comfort that he needs. If he's in a growth spurt and developing, then he's going to cry hysterically no matter what you do because leaving him to cry is not going to fix anything.

Good luck to you hunny But I think you need to wait a bit longer. You really cannot do this kind of sleep training during a growth spurt.

Hey hun - he hasn't had night feeds for over a month now, but last night I gave in and did a bottle for him just before 3 and he didn't take it, he had out 1.5oz and that took him about 20 mins so I know he isn't hungry in the night anymore, we just got into bad habits!

Isn't there always going to be something stopping me doing it, growth spurts, teething etc...just feel like if I don't put a stop to it now we will still be here in another 6 months!

 

[hpjagged]

We did CC at 6 months and worked wonders for us!
We started with 1, 3, 3, 5, 5, 5. Luckily for us she was asleep within 25mins and her crying wasn't hysterical, just moaning. That night she woke up every 2 hours but she settled herself and slept till 7am. You just gotta be persistent with it and do not give in.
You know in your heart and head that he is clean and fed.
If you think he is growing through a growth spurt wait a week or so and see how he is.
I'm not sure where u would be if I didn't do CC, LO was waking up ever 45 mins to hour and a half. I was half asleep during the day and even went seriously light headed.

Good luck

 

[iwanta8a8y]

I did this recently, but it is hard! However, it worked in one night, and since then (apart from the odd night, illness etc) has slept til about 6.30am. The odd squawk, but not needing us to go in,
We did 3 minute intervals - so, 3, 6, 9 etc.
The first night I got to 18 minutes (so about 1 hour 15 in total) before he slept and I was soooo on the verge of giving up. However, IF you give up at say 12 minutes, then your LO will know that he needs to go that far before you'll give in.
I would go in, put his dummy back in (he has about 4-5 scattered around his cot), lay him down, shush him, tell him 'it's alright, good boy' over and over, and leave. Probably spent about 1 minute in with him - I found it impossible to do a speedy turnaround because, as yours, he went hysterical when I went in.
Remember, you're not supposed to do CC before 6 months, but if you're at the end of the line, then go for it.
You need to be in totally the right head space to do this - I made a decision one evening of 'right, enough is enough' and did it. I'm so glad we did. And we did it at a year old, so he'd gotten so used to coming in with us.
Get a book and a stopwatch, and try to ignore it. Also, if he sounds like he's settling just as you're due to go in, leave him another 30 seconds or so and see what happens.
Good luck - be strong. He won't remember this x

Thanks Hun. Wow Louie did good! Let's hopeit might work quickly for mention, but I am telling myself 2 weeks...

He is literally days away from being 6 months so surely it would be ok to do it no?

 

[iwanta8a8y]

Im afraid i cant advise on cc as ive never done it but i was just wondering why you dont give him his dummy? Wouldnt his dummy help him to settle?x

I presume that his dummy is the reason he is waking, so think without it we might get a good nights sleep Once he has realised he doesn't need it to fall asleep. I still dont want to be getting up lots of times a night to give him his dummy back when he wakes and it is not in his mouth - maybe if he was old enough to find it and put it back in again it would be on, but he isn't

 

[iwanta8a8y]

Can't really advise on the CC but my LO was exactly as you have described at 5 months, we just went with it, yeah it was endless and lasted around 5-6 weeks but we got through it. We took him into bed with us and he settled no problem after that. I was concerned that he would get used to it and not go back into his cot but he went back into his own room when he was ready and sleeps through in there no problem now.

Hmm that's interesting, maybe just a phase then you think?

 

[ellers]

Thanks Hun. Wow Louie did good! Let's hopeit might work quickly for mention, but I am telling myself 2 weeks...

He is literally days away from being 6 months so surely it would be ok to do it no?

If you're ready, then go for it, but yes, as long as he's not in the middle of growth spurt, ill etc. I tried it months ago, but he got ill the next day (sneaky sod I reckon) so had to stop.

I was worried that he'd go either way - he's quite perceptive and tests us to see if he'll get told off, so wasn't sure whether he'd realise what we were doing and give us a hard time, or the other way, and think, huh, they're not giving in, so I'll give up.

Bear in mind that they can test your resolve around night 3, so be ready. Louie did, but he got nowhere because I knew he could do it. Just be prepared for the worse, then it can only be better!

 

[going_crazy]

Ellers has given you some great advice. I just wanted to wish you good luck, and to say that now you've started, don't stop! It may be hard for a couple of nights, but if it works, it will be worth it xxxxx

 

[iwanta8a8y]

Ellers has great advice

I agree that CC isn't the best approach, but sometimes you are at the end of the line and it has to be done. We did it at just over 10 months: LO had STTN since 3 months, but then had increasing disrupted nights due to us swapping the last boobie of the night to bottle. My mum was being released from hospital, into our care, after very major surgery - we couldn't have him waking in the night. It took about 3 nights, but we cracked it (and not too much crying really).

I would recommend that your OH (assuming you have an OH) does the checking/settling. He will have less of a manipulating reaction when OH tries to calm/settle him AND fathers tend to be less easily manipulated.

Good luck.

Thanks hun, it's not really possible for my OH to do it as he has quite a stressful job and really needs to be alert and not tired as he manages such an important role. It's for me to do really

 

[iwanta8a8y]

We did CC at 6 months and worked wonders for us!
We started with 1, 3, 3, 5, 5, 5. Luckily for us she was asleep within 25mins and her crying wasn't hysterical, just moaning. That night she woke up every 2 hours but she settled herself and slept till 7am. You just gotta be persistent with it and do not give in.
You know in your heart and head that he is clean and fed.
If you think he is growing through a growth spurt wait a week or so and see how he is.
I'm not sure where u would be if I didn't do CC, LO was waking up ever 45 mins to hour and a half. I was half asleep during the day and even went seriously light headed.

Good luck

Really reassuring to hear a success story. Thanks, why was your LO waking before? Reliant on dummy or feed for sleep of another reason?

 

[NG09]

Can't really advise on the CC but my LO was exactly as you have described at 5 months, we just went with it, yeah it was endless and lasted around 5-6 weeks but we got through it. We took him into bed with us and he settled no problem after that. I was concerned that he would get used to it and not go back into his cot but he went back into his own room when he was ready and sleeps through in there no problem now.

Hmm that's interesting, maybe just a phase then you think?

I really don't know hun, I can only tell you what my experience has been with my LO, as we all know they are all very different! But yeah, for Stephen I think it was the 4 and 6 month regression/growth spurt merged into one! I may be wrong but that's what I think. I know that if I had left him to cry it would have solved nothing during that time as he wasn't not sleeping to be bad, he just couldn't for whatever reason. It was really tiring and frustrating but like I say it passed.

Now for you I don't know if it's the same thing and I am in no way judging you, I'm sure you are a fab mummy but sometimes there can be other reasons behind their behaviour... not that I'm any kind of an expert!! lol

The best thing I did was decide to chill out, go with the flow, do what I had to to get a sleep and think he's not going to be a baby forever and for me that was letting him into our bed for a few weeks, in the grand scheme of life it's no big deal. For you it might be CC, do whatever gets you by!

Good luck and let us know how you get on whatever you decide x

 

[QTPie]

The best time to do this (although my timing is rubbish - since today is Sunday), is at a weekend (ie start Friday evening): then your OH can help out and you can both catch up on sleep over the weekend.

Be strong and good luck

Ellers has great advice

I agree that CC isn't the best approach, but sometimes you are at the end of the line and it has to be done. We did it at just over 10 months: LO had STTN since 3 months, but then had increasing disrupted nights due to us swapping the last boobie of the night to bottle. My mum was being released from hospital, into our care, after very major surgery - we couldn't have him waking in the night. It took about 3 nights, but we cracked it (and not too much crying really).

I would recommend that your OH (assuming you have an OH) does the checking/settling. He will have less of a manipulating reaction when OH tries to calm/settle him AND fathers tend to be less easily manipulated.

Good luck.

Thanks hun, it's not really possible for my OH to do it as he has quite a stressful job and really needs to be alert and not tired as he manages such an important role. It's for me to do really

 

[Kimmer]

I'm not a fan of CC so can't help with it. But I know it doesn't suit all babies and if your LO is getting that worked up, he's one of them

My lo went through the same sort of thing at your lo's age. For me, it was just a case of riding it out.

 

[iwanta8a8y]

Can't really advise on the CC but my LO was exactly as you have described at 5 months, we just went with it, yeah it was endless and lasted around 5-6 weeks but we got through it. We took him into bed with us and he settled no problem after that. I was concerned that he would get used to it and not go back into his cot but he went back into his own room when he was ready and sleeps through in there no problem now.

Hmm that's interesting, maybe just a phase then you think?

I really don't know hun, I can only tell you what my experience has been with my LO, as we all know they are all very different! But yeah, for Stephen I think it was the 4 and 6 month regression/growth spurt merged into one! I may be wrong but that's what I think. I know that if I had left him to cry it would have solved nothing during that time as he wasn't not sleeping to be bad, he just couldn't for whatever reason. It was really tiring and frustrating but like I say it passed.

Now for you I don't know if it's the same thing and I am in no way judging you, I'm sure you are a fab mummy but sometimes there can be other reasons behind their behaviour... not that I'm any kind of an expert!! lol

The best thing I did was decide to chill out, go with the flow, do what I had to to get a sleep and think he's not going to be a baby forever and for me that was letting him into our bed for a few weeks, in the grand scheme of life it's no big deal. For you it might be CC, do whatever gets you by!

Good luck and let us know how you get on whatever you decide x

It's so hard to know what to do for the best, it's just he has never been a good sleeper and last week has just been the worst yet! Part of me thinks I have to do this, but the other part says let him do it in his own time.
But then I know people who have kids which still aren't sleeping past 1 year old and I really don't want to be in that position if I can knock it on the head now if you know what I mean...

It's so hard!!

 

[hpjagged]

Really reassuring to hear a success story. Thanks, why was your LO waking before? Reliant on dummy or feed for sleep of another reason?

We were cosleeping, not out of choice but she just wouldn't settle in the moses basket. And somehow we got into some sort of habit she could not fall asleep or be asleep without my boob in her mouth.
I found out this is totally normal and I lived with it for about 4 months and then I had, had enough. I needed some more sleep not just 1/3 hours at a time. I needed a good block of sleep. Also needed a couple of hours to myself at night, I had to go bed when she did.

As soon as we started putting her in her cot, it was like she knew that that was her place to be, she was ready for her own space.
Best thing we ever did.

ETA: Just read your above post. I too, didn't want to have a 1 or 2 year old who couldn't sleep without me. Some people can live with that, I learnt I can't.