advice needed

[loulou1980]

bit of a dilema peeps and need some advice. Since I moved here in April 2003 i have become friends with next door neighbour,we became quite close but it seemed i was ding all the leg work.when she wants help I do it,I help her with house work if im there,when she had an operation i was there looking after her son,which my relationship nearly finished with dh as i was there so much helping out,she has got a boyfriend and she had one before this one,the day i found out i needed a d&c her chap wentr awol,so there i was scouring streets with her to find him,she dont visit me but goes round to everyone else,she got paid wednesday and coincidently she hasnt contacted me.she phoned me tuesday morning as she had no gas or electric and asked if her son could come round for breakfast and a warm,i said yes,as i wont refuse a kid.still no contact yesterday then last night when i was out she broutght a phone round for me to unlock.she brought one round last week.she presumes all the time,i had a washing powder trial come and the postie took it round hers as i was out,when i collected it she was like,oh i'll have that,without a thought,when her electric went she was oh i'll bring ashley round to have lunch with lily.she presumes Im going to do stuff when i go round there,like she'll ask me to wash up or help her tidy upstairs,i know its my own fault and i should say no,but im not like that,my other mate always said i could do with a jenny,shes just moved and didnt want to ask me as she knows i get used by this woman.anyays i want to end it,ive written a letter,but dh says no dont as it will end in an arguement and we'll have a load of shit to our door.they are friends with a lot of rough crowds.her boyf is a tosser who called his own girlfriends dd a slag in the middle of town(shes not,shes married with 2 kids)johns not bothered if it was just me and him but he says its not fair on kids.they watch what you bring into the house,as we have a large carpark at back of houses and no drives.what do you think.

 

[ablaze]

hmmm, that def is a tricky one, i mean like u said i my self couldnt refuse a child...

but then shes not helping you in the slightest, also if ashe has a few "mental"mates it could be more trouble than its worth, could you maybe drop a few subtle hints 1st n if she dont pick up on them then just be blunt!!

 

[Jo]

Hmmm not sure but didn't want to read and run

I will have a think about this for you as it is such a hard one

 

[Iwantone!!!]

omg waht a bitch

 

[sophie]

Tricky one loulou, could u not just stop doin things for her an see what happens from there? if that fails try having a little friendly chat with her? hope u get it sorted though sounds like a right nightmare!
xx

 

[loulou1980]

john wants me to still go round there for like an hour a week to keep her sweet,just say no to her, but if i keep saying no shes going to get sussed. ive wrote a letter and contemplating putting it through but john will go mad.

loz,
just lately I'm beginning to doubt our friendship. It seems you only want me when you need something ,you need help or want something doing. You go round other peoples houses to visit but you dont bother to come and see me. You only came round the other day as you had no gas or electric. If this is what our friendships about then i dont want it. I dont want to be used,ive had it enough with so called friends before. It eats away at me. im not jealous or being selfish about you going to other peoples houses (far from it),just hurt that you obviously dont value our friendship and only bother with me when it suits you. if you dont contact me after this then i know where i stand and i wish you all the best.

jennyx

im going to keep hold of it till i deem appropiate to ut it through her door.

 

[Wobbles]

You know her Lou what do you think her reaction would be to the letter? My mate just moved into a roughy area silly girl got herself mixed in with the girl next door! She was always round there then one night she goes away & BAM they did her house over! It was last week this girl had a new nokia phone told my mate knock off & then she noticed somethiing on the phone I think & said 'where - thats my phone' the girl insisted it wasn't hers yet wouldn't let her see the number thing under the battery! Horrid people & shes pretty scared to say anything (not for her own sake but the kids) - Asked me should she as she knows this lass could cause her life & her kids hell I know she has the balls but this girl & the 'crowd' well she has kids I advised her to bite her lip because of the kids. Shes moving & I'll be happy when she does!

 

[loulou1980]

we want to move,but noone in bromsgrove will exchange with us as we'reoff austin road and thats where the murders were.we will be looking properly after christmas as we will probably end upgoing back tobirmingham,which i dont want to do,but what choice do i have.i need a bigger house as when i catch again,if its a boy we're buggered as harry needs aroom on his own due to his behaviour problems.wish i was working properly again so i could buy a house and get out of here

 

[Wobbles]

Murders? How long ago?

Hope you get sorted soon Lou - Private renting a no no until your in a position to buy?

 

[loulou1980]

Murders? How long ago?

Hope you get sorted soon Lou - Private renting a no no until your in a position to buy?

3 since ive lived here since 2003 roughly one a year.privates no go as round here looking at least 800 for a 3 or bed,and i wont get hb for that

 

[Minxy]

TBH, I think a letter should be a last resort, not a first one. If by any stretch of the imagination she doesn't realise her behaviour's unnacceptable it'll catch her on the hop and make her more likely to be defensive.

I know if I got a letter from a friend I'd be likely to say 'why didn't you just TALK to me?'

I don't know what to advise apart from the cowards way out and just be too 'busy' to help out (easy at this time of year) and hope she finds herself another mule! hope things improve.

PS what's wrong with the fine city of Birmingham :wink:

 

[loulou1980]

where we lived before was full of druggies and we had people with guns living next door to us,i know i wontbe moving back to stirchley again

 

[Minxy]

Don't you mean the lovely village of St Irchley? That's what my friend calls it. Another mate swears she lives on 'Bournville Borders', an area she's completely made up so she doesn't have to say Stirchley!

 

[loulou1980]

hahah its like the rubery/rednal divide

 

[Cat]

I think the letter is quite confrontational, and might cause problems.

Can you just sort of make excuses so you distance yourself a little. Like when she asks you to do something like help her clean her house, say your going shopping, or you need to make some important pone calls. Have a bad back etc. Then you should find that over time she stops asking for you to do stuff, cause either she will get off her own backside and do it herself or she will find some other sucker to do everything. If you find it means she stops contacting or coming over than you know she didnt really value you as a friend and your better off without her anyway.