advice please! lost the ability to make decisions!!

[salb10]

hi folks,

i have a three week old (as of 2moro) little boy, and we had a little bit of a rough start.

I really wanted to breast feed but we really struggled in the beginning. My LO had problems latching on and would get really cross, and scream and not settle etc and i found the midwives in hospital generally horrendous when it came to BF'ing support.

They just grabbed my boob and pushed and twisted my poor baby's head on to there and were very forceful. I wasn't taught anything, they just kept trying to mash the two together. In one day i saw approx ten different midwives who all grabbed and twisted us.
On one occaision in the middle of the night when i buzzed for help i got told to 'feed him again' and 'don't put your bag on that bed' - and that was the end of my support....

any hoo, on the first visit from my community midwife when i told her what he was like and she had a hold of him, she said she suspected a broken collar bone. we went off to the hospital and he had an xray and she was right!
so my poor little boy who the midwives kept saying was a 'grumpy' baby was actually in pain

They don't do anything to the bone as they said it would heal itself quite well in about a week or two, but at least we now knew what was wrong with LO and knew to be extra careful with him on that side.

Because we had such a hard time with BF'ing because Lo was in pain, i started expressing and feeding first off by syringe at the hospital, and then by bottle at home. LO is able to attach quite well now and still has bottles and has had dummies. He seems to deal with all the different teats etc very well - no confusion here! lol

i really like the idea of combined feeding because, to be quite honest, i find breast feeding so damn boring!! and i feel awful for saying that! but it takes so long, and he just never seems satisfied from me, even if i spend an hour feeding him.

The problem is, i also feel like because i am neither completely assigned to BF'ing OR bottle feeding, i am just drifting, with no real plan of action or routine and i am literally living feed to feed. This is really not like me. I need a plan, i LOVE plans! and routines! so feeling like a drifter is really unsettling.

also, with the formula feeds, i know that the recommended thing to do is make up each feed fresh as and when you want it, but if i do that, theres no way i can do it quick enough whilst keeping LO calm and sleepy (in middle of the night) and preparing a feed and then waitiing for it to cool.
A friend said she always made up the days bottles at the beginning of the day and kept them in the fridge and just heated them as and when.

Last night, i took up 2 bottles of boiled water in sterilised bottles and two seperate tubs of formula, and then when LO needed them, i mixed the two. I thought this was better than keeping made up formula in the fridge and the boiled water alone was sterile and in a sterile bottle so no bugs growing there, and the formula was added to the water and used straight away and was served at room temp which is what my baby seems to like.

However, another friend said this way round is worse because the powdered formula needs to be added to boiling water to kill any bugs in it. But on the instructions for the formula, it says to boil water, leave to cool for 30 mins, then add formula??

so which is the best way?

I just bought a bottle warmer as well to try and make it easier.

I do have a great DH but as he works and i am currently not, i don't want him to have to help with the night feeds. I just don't know how to get myself in to a routine i'm comfortable with.

i do feel confused lol

i also can't imagine ever getting me and LO out the house before late afternoon! I have got to start a proper routine 2moro. i need to feel in control!

 

[MizzDeeDee]

When I was combifeeding I BF first and then I topped off. If you MUST do both at his age I would do that to make sure he gets as much BM as he can.

You can make bottles the day before and the day of and refrigerate but they must be used that day and you'll have to reheat them. Do you guys have nursery water you can buy? Maybe you can get pre-filtered water and mix it on the spot.

That is what I do..though I know it is different in the US. We don't have to boil the water... at least where I am and like I wrote, I use bottled water of some sort.


Good luck and Congrats!

 

[tummymummy]

Im combination feeding too and tbh as long as you offer boob at every feed andd express maybe in between you should be able to keep your supply up hun. Do whatever suits you there are no rules just whatever lol. I add boiling water to formula and rapid cool and put in fridge for nighttime feeds but just make up bottles as needed during day xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[aliss]

Aww hunny You've gotten good advice above. I know how you feel - I too had a "grumpy/fussy/angry" baby that wouldn't BF, they kept grabbing at me and acting like I was an idiot, sure enough also diagnosed with a collarbone fracture in the morning.

I suggest that you need to move the words 'routine' and planning from your vocabulary. Those things won't exist for several months. Yes, breastfeeding can be boring exhausting and never ending (this is your supply building) but it is what it is. It is the most naturally difficult thing you will ever do. You will drive yourself INSANE trying to impose a routine right now, it isn't going to happen. You need to pump everytime you give a formula feed or you will lose your supply.

Every mother of a newborn lives from feed to feed without routine... the sooner you accept this, the easier your life will get. Good luck.

 

[patch2006uk]

Absolutely what aliss said. Forget routine, forget plans. Jusy feed your baby. Newborns don't have a schedule, they have a tiny tummy that needs filling often!

There are benefits to BFing exclusively that giving formula reduces-some of the allergy risks increase, as well as the risks regarding SIDS.

I personally would try to exclusively BF for as long as possible, even of that's only for the first 6 weeks while your supply establishes. All I'd say is the exclusive BFing days don't last long, and the feeds will become more regular and shorter with time. If you stick with it, things will improve in a few weeks.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[2ndtimeluckyX]

The reason you have to wait 30 mins is because if u add the powder to water at 100 degrees it can scold the powder. If you add the powder at 70 degrees it is still hot enough the sterilise the powder but not kill all the nutrients etc etc.
I don't wait 30 mins, I boil the kettle, pour my four ounces into the sterilised bottle straight away, leave it to cool for 5 mins, then add powder. Much faster.

 

[skc22]

Firstly your poor little man having a broken collar bone - I hope he heals quickly!
I combination feed due to terrible advice from midwives and felt pressure from day 1 to FF. I have issues with my supply though. I'm in Australia and we add the powder to cold boiled water and heat as needed, and can keep pre-made feeds in the fridge for 24hours max. It hasn't done Alexia any harm preparing it this way, but I know most countries have different do's and don'ts.
Your LO is very young still so don't worry about a routine just yet. Alexia was attached to my boob permanently for the first 6 weeks! I started a bed time routine at 6 weeks but we have no day time routine as such, just fit in what I can between feeds. She STTN but feeds at least every 2 hours during the day. I personally hate combination feeding and would prefer to BF for many reasons, not to mention it is much more convenient.
Do what feels right for you and your baby with regards to how you feed your LO. Breastfeeding doesn't take as long once they get older and are more efficient at getting the milk out. His feeding constantly gets you supply up.
Good luck in whatever you decide

 

[numum]

Hey i thought I'd just add-i would get your dh to do some night feeding-its very noble of you but you'll soon see that you are doing a full time job as well and may end up resenting him skipping off to work nicely rested while you have had two half hour snoozes all night and now have to get up and look after lo all day!

 

[patch2006uk]

Hey i thought I'd just add-i would get your dh to do some night feeding-its very noble of you but you'll soon see that you are doing a full time job as well and may end up resenting him skipping off to work nicely rested while you have had two half hour snoozes all night and now have to get up and look after lo all day!

Breastfeeding releases hormones during night feeds that help you get back to sleep. I've done every night feed, and I'm just as well rested as my husband. The nights when he wakes up too, he just ends up worse off as his body can't switch off as easily as mine can after a feed.

 

[fedupwaiting]

I can't really give advice on the combi feeding. We breastfed for two weeks then transistioned to formula and the 5 day transition is a bit of a blur in my memory. Best thing i did to be honest...we had weight gain issues which were stressing me to tears.

With regards to the getting out the house though i felt exactly the same at your stage till i made my lists.

I made a night before list which included getting my hair washed, packing the nappy bag, sterilising the bottles, laying out clothes for.me and.baby and setting up nappies and mat for night change.

The morning list included EVERYTHING I needs to do before leaving house including brushing teeth!!!

Sounds extreme but i was in such a daze those early days that simply blindly following my.list step by step.and ticking off got us out the house much easier

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Hey i thought I'd just add-i would get your dh to do some night feeding-its very noble of you but you'll soon see that you are doing a full time job as well and may end up resenting him skipping off to work nicely rested while you have had two half hour snoozes all night and now have to get up and look after lo all day!

Breastfeeding releases hormones during night feeds that help you get back to sleep. I've done every night feed, and I'm just as well rested as my husband. The nights when he wakes up too, he just ends up worse off as his body can't switch off as easily as mine can after a feed.

This! I would get rid of the word routine. Also, stock up on movies, magazines, books, and snacks to keep you busy while nursing

 

[aliss]

I should also note, that routines don't exist for formula babies at 3 weeks either Mine was bottle fed from birth due to the broken collarbone and FF a few weeks later (for the exact reason I warn you about - giving formula without pumping!). He didn't fit a feeding routine until 8 months and still has erratic night feeds at 17 months. Babies do not operate by clocks unless they want to, trying to force them to do something they don't want to (or can't, at this age) just brings more stress to mama. And the last thing a 3 week postpartum woman needs is more stress!

 

[numum]

Hey i thought I'd just add-i would get your dh to do some night feeding-its very noble of you but you'll soon see that you are doing a full time job as well and may end up resenting him skipping off to work nicely rested while you have had two half hour snoozes all night and now have to get up and look after lo all day!

Breastfeeding releases hormones during night feeds that help you get back to sleep. I've done every night feed, and I'm just as well rested as my husband. The nights when he wakes up too, he just ends up worse off as his body can't switch off as easily as mine can after a feed.

Yep me too as i ebf also but does she not say she does bottles at night?

 

[aliss]

Hey i thought I'd just add-i would get your dh to do some night feeding-its very noble of you but you'll soon see that you are doing a full time job as well and may end up resenting him skipping off to work nicely rested while you have had two half hour snoozes all night and now have to get up and look after lo all day!

Breastfeeding releases hormones during night feeds that help you get back to sleep. I've done every night feed, and I'm just as well rested as my husband. The nights when he wakes up too, he just ends up worse off as his body can't switch off as easily as mine can after a feed.

Yep me too as i ebf also but does she not say she does bottles at night?

If she is pumping, like she should, when giving formula at night then she will still get the same hormones (which is def. needed when you go to such trouble!). If she's not pumping then she will lose her supply soon enough unfortunately. Many girls do not understand that they can't just give a bottle instead of breast without a good 20+ minute pumping session with a newborn.