Advice please

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by angelpkj, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. angelpkj

    angelpkj Well-Known Member

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    FOB left me 2 weeks before xmas,im now 28 weeks pregnant,alots gone on with me and FOB,we won't be getting back together.

    in time i've decided to give LO my last name much to the anger of FOB,he's said alot of very horrible things,it seems he just plays dad when he wants and loves playing the hard done by dad lately.

    long story short,FOB goes out every weekend and takes drugs every weekend,hes 25 going on 15 and has a 5 year old daughter he hardly sees.
    he reckons hes calming down on taking drugs but won't stop,he also sells them,hes not a big time dealer but still-he sells drugs.

    recently its come to light that a girl he was "just mates with" i think him and her have something going on after finding some very hurtful messages to each other and he's been staying,i'm fuming,he's been wanting to meet me to "bond with bump" and i gave him the chance cause i felt bad for him and he choose to fuck me off last min to go see her!im also mad he can't afford to help towards LO but can afford to put petrol in his car to drive 40 mins there 40 mins back to see this girl!!!

    i believed he wanted to make effort to be a dad and this and that but now i'm realising he just wants be a dad when it suits him but still go out weekends and see this girl

    i just think no more chances,not when he'd rather be with this girl or off his head on drugs

    i look at his 5 year old and now i just think i dnt want that for my son,i dont want my son to know his dad-get attached- then get fucked about,he doesn't pay for his daughter so i doubt he's guna treat his son any different to his daughter

    my heads a mess on one hand i don't want to be seen as "the spiteful bitch" and let him play the hard done by dad but at same time i look at my ex and now ive realised he will never change i don't want my son to get hurt,my son will not be going FOBs house due to drugs and stuff and FOB will never help pay so im considering leaving him off the birth certificate,if LO wants to know who his dad is i think it might be best if he finds out when he's old enough to make judgement and hopefully when my ex is ready to be a dad

    any imput?anyone agree?disagree or what would you do
     
  2. Surreal

    Surreal Me + Little Man = Family.

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    I totally agree with you. Not only is this man going to hurt your son by trying to be an 'on-again-off-again' father, but what type of example is someone who buys and sells drugs? Kids are pretty impressionable, and that's not a lifestyle you necessarily want to risk him getting into, in the future.

    It's not like he'll take you to court for visitation rights... he's doing drugs. The moment it gets mentioned in court and he's /screwed/.

    Your not being a bitch, your looking out for your son -- and FOB is too selfish to realize that, and see the detrimental life style he continues to lead.

    So... why have him on the birth cert., if he's not going to be there, in the first place?
     
  3. angelpkj

    angelpkj Well-Known Member

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    i doubt he'd take me court he reckons he'l do anythin to see his son,but i doubt that cause he can't even stop his stupid lifestyle for the sake of his daughter let alone the son thats comming

    my heads just whizzing about cause he want's go the birth and stuff

    i feel like a horrible person if i stop him seein his son,i was thinking of lettin him see LO when he's a baby and then at least he's met him but i dont want my son to get attached so ther will come a point i will want FOB to stay away

    but willthat not be bad that i let FOB meet LO then take that away?

    i just don't want FOB near me and baby,he's not been there up to now,he's felt baby move once and he was on drugs at the time

    i think i've been too nice,think i just need abit of reasurance that me not lettin fob do this and that is ok and acceptable and its not me being out of order,he plays mind games and i know he will try turn it round and make me feel and think i'm being a horrible person
     
  4. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    I think everyone starts off thinking they will do this and that but in reality more than half the time the guys dont stand up and do their bit, so then the mums have to put their foot down. Theres a baby involved, theres drugs involved, so your right to stop this now.

    Where do you live? where does he live? I think keeping him off the BC is the wisest move. He can be added at a later date, but he cannot be removed. It will cause hassle with things like babys passport, permission for holidays, etc, for the babys entire life, if he didnt play ball. He sounds like a waste of space
     
  5. angelpkj

    angelpkj Well-Known Member

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    we used to live together but he asked me to move out when he ended it so he lives about 15 min drive away now

    as i thought he is going on with himself saying im only considering stopping him having a relationship because "im a heartbroken bitter nob head woman"

    he's convinced im doing it to be awkward and this and that cause of everythin he's done to me,i suppose im gunna have accept he will always think that and go round tellin people that :(

    its like he doesnt seem to think its anythin to do with him,his lifestyle,his drugs,his attitude and his relationship with his other child even tho i've named off a massive list of reasons

    he askin to come midwife on wed but i really don't want him too,the thought of being near him makes me feel physically sick,i've bottled up so much hurt and feelings towards him and im dealing with it myself but i don't want him near me right now

    i dont want him to try touch bump,it makes me feel ill having someone whos hurt me so bad near me and wanting to touch my bump,i just feel so bad cause he's hardly felt baby move,i've tried keep him involved sending him pics of my growing bump and select items i've bought bump i just dunno what do
     
  6. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    you dont have to do anything!! HE is the one whos hurt you and HE is the one who will realise one day, The thing with these kinds of men is they think the world is against them, its a big consipracy against them, a ploy to ruin THEIR lifes, When in reality its nothing really to do with them, Its his child yes, but its your body. And nobody should ever do something they dont feel comfortable with even moreso when its their body. Tell him you'll text him after the MW and let him know if anythings going on. Hes not got a ''right'' to be in YOUR appointment, The baby isnt here yet. His ''rights'' are very limited!

    Hes just selfish like the rest of them, my FOB is exactly the same. As long as you have support elsewhere it'll be fine. If he has no relationship with his daughter then i unfortunately very much doubt he will change for another baby, Just focus on your and baby and he can take a hike, grow up and come back when he has!
     

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