Advice Please!

[MrsMystery]

Here goes my second post...looking for advice:

One of my closest friends has just had a miscarriage (it's been a week). It was her second pregnancy; her first resulted in a beautiful and healthy baby boy who is now over a year old!

When she and her hubby found out that they were expecting the first time around, we (hubby and I) were the first ones they shared the news with! We were at their house the very evening she took a HPT and got her BFP.

I found out that I'm now expecting (yay!) and I really want to share the news with her. (There's really no one else I'd want to share the news with first! - other than my hubby but i'm not counting him lol)

I'm just torn on if I should tell her right now. I spoke to her earlier today about her miscarrying, how she's feeling etc. She sounded in pretty good spirits and, rightly, said she has her moments of sadness.

I know that she would be thrilled for us but I am worried about upsetting her. I love her dearly and don't want to cause her even the slightest amount of heartache, but I also want to share our happy news with her as soon as possible. (We are going to see them for a quick "drink" tonight!)

Thoughts??

 

[onlyme]

I would wait if it was me. I know you're excited to tell her, but from her point of view the news will be very raw at the moment.

 

[LilianA]

I would wait a couple weeks just because its so fresh at 1 week after miscarriage it will probably just hurt her more than anything so just give her a couple weeks.
I told my sister about 2 months after her miscarriage and it still hurt her

 

[sweetpeaxo]

I would wait a few weeks.

 

[brittanymc]

Yes I would wait just a little bit.I experienced a miscarriage in my first pregnancy and my best friend was pregnant so it was hard but every time another friend of mine announced their pregnancy it was like a knife in my heart.She will be happy for you I am sure but it will hurt really bad at this point, in a couple of weeks she may still have hurt feelings but she will have healed a little more.Good luck and congrats

 

[MrsMystery]

Thanks everyone. I figured it was probably better to wait...I totally get that no matter what, it'll still hurt her to some degree. The last thing I want to do is make an incredibly heartwrenching experience hurt more.

And to those of you that have had MCs, my heart goes out to each of you. I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[Akinesia]

Definitely agree with the other posters, better to wait in a situation like this. She's bound to be very happy for you, but it is kinder to wait til the wound of miscarriage is not so fresh. Who knows, maybe she'll conceive again very soon, then you can share with her with no worries. Enjoy your "drink" night

 

[jenp86]

Wait it out. I had a mc in July and a couple of weeks later my sister felt she had to call me as soon as she got a BFP, as much as I was happy for her it made me so sad because I had the same excitement weeks earlier. I ended up distancing myself from her for a few weeks because I needed to grieve before I could be excited for her, and now we're both pregnant!

Congratulations!!

 

[Minivan]

I would actually go ahead and tell her. If you guys are really close friends she would want to know. I come from the point of view of TTC for years then finally having a child and then having a M/C while trying for child #2. Coming home to my baby boy made it better for me. Each of us deal with our emotions differently, so if she is pretty level emotionally she might be able to handle it. While others have more "roller coaster" emotions. Just my 2 cents... guess I am on my own with this opinion... Again I assume it's your best friend.

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

I have to throw my two cents in here. I agree with Minivan. I've had two miscarriages and the devastation I felt was actually eased by the happiness of friends having babies. Your friend is going to feel pain for the loss of her child, no matter if you tell her or not. She may also end up feeling pain if she thinks you kept this from her because you didn't think she could handle it. I have a good friend who had a miscarriage right before I discovered I'm pregnant. While it hurt her that she was no longer pregnant, it also gave her renewed fervor to TTC. When I asked her if it was okay to talk about my pregnancy around her or if it bothered her too much, she was offended that I would consider not sharing this important part of my life with her. She said she hadn't given up hope for a successful pregnancy and that she loved talking about and shopping for baby stuff. Just a different point of view to consider.

 

[jennijunni]

I agree with 2 PP. If she is really your closest, she would be hurt that you did not share this with her earlier. I know I would be. I want to rejoice in my friends pregnancies, and I would hate it if they kept it from me. GL!!! And congrats!!

 

[Mon_n_john]

If it were me I would wait at least another week but then again I am not telling ANYONE besides my DH or you girls until I am 8 weeks along.

 

[sunbaby777]

I also think you should tell her, but obviously in a calm, sensitive way. If she is really your best friend, she will be hurt by you not being honest with her. She might even feel ostracized. When you tell her, I would not be all giddy. I would be solemn and honest. Tell her you don't want to hurt her, but that she is your best friend - and you couldn't imagine keeping it a secret from her. She may not want to talk about it afterwards for a bit because she IS still grieving, but I always believe honesty is the best policy.