Advice wanted - updated p3

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by debgreasby, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. debgreasby

    debgreasby Happy Mummy!

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    Full details of my story are on 1st Tri. In short, i am 13 weeks pregnant and my baby is not going to survive much longer due to various problems.

    I know that one way or another, i am going to miscarry.

    My consultant has told me that they prefer medically induced miscarriage, but i'm not sure that i can handle that. I think i would prefer to be put to sleep and for it to be over when i wake up, thus giving me some sort of control over the situation.

    He also said that they could refer me back to my local hospital. Thing is i'm not sure what options they will offer me.

    I just wish that someone would tell me what to do! I can't handle all thins thinking and deciding and worrying. I want to do what is best for me, i have 4 other children that need me.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced loss, there aren't words to make it any better.

    Apologies for rambling, and i hope some of what i said makes sense!
     
  2. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    I'm sorry you're going through this :hugs: I don't have any advice but I didn't want to just read without replying, I am sure other women here will be able to give you some good opinions on the matter. Wish you all the best :hugs:
     
  3. Drazic<3

    Drazic<3 You got the love <3

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  4. sk100

    sk100 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry Deb. I remember you from Clearblue Wonders. I recently miscarried. I was hoping for a natural loss but nothing was happening for weeks and so decided on ERPC as I needed closure. The wait is very stresful. My recovery was very quick, very little pain and bleeding afterwards. The risk with the tablet option is retention of tissue and risk of infection. Also, the bleeding and pain can be a lot. I don't regret my decsion at all. What are your priorities and concerns?
     
  5. debgreasby

    debgreasby Happy Mummy!

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    I need to move on... right now i feel i can't start the grieving process because i am in limbo.
    With the medical option I don't think i can handle the thought of passing my baby and the possibility of it taking hours and then still ending in surgery.
    My other kids need me, it's Christmas in 2 weeks and they are devastated enough, i need for them to find some closure too.
     
  6. sk100

    sk100 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Deb

    I think the emotional impact of the MMC didn't hit me until it was physically over. What you are going through right now, especially with the knowledge of your baby's condition, is really tough. There is still a process to go through when it is physically over.

    Please ask any other questions that you may have. Will be thinking of you.

    xx
     
  7. cherry22

    cherry22 mummy to 1 after 3 losses

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    hi,
    im so sorry!
    I have been in the same place but i was 16 weeks. i can only speak for myself and i had no other option but to have the pill and have him, i cant remember what i was thinking at the time but its a hugely personal thing.
    No1 can tell you what is best, only you can answer that, but i dnt regret what i had to do, i had no choice and i couldnt make it better.
    What ever you choose i hope your ok and it will get better, like you said you have your other children to be with and im sure they will help you through it.

    take care x:hugs:
     
  8. SmileyShazza

    SmileyShazza I'm a mum!

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    Hi Deb, I remember you from the 1st tri section am so sorry to read your story and to see you over here :hugs:

    I am recovering after finding out our little one had stopped growing at our 12 week scan. It was a devastating time for both myself and OH. They gave us the options and I decided I would prefer to undergo an ERPC as it would mean I wouldn't have to physically pass anything but instead would be put under anaesthetic and have everything surgically removed. It wasn't a difficult decision for me as I knew I would find it more upsetting to go down the natural route.

    For me it was the best decision as the procedure itself sounded worse than it actually was, the staff were fantastic, I went into hospital at 7.45am and was home by 1.30pm. I have had minimal bleeding and very slight cramps and I feel that personally it bought me closure a lot more quickly than the other options would've done.

    It is obviously personal preference as to what option you should take so I would make sure you discuss all the options available with your consultant/doctor so you know exactly what each one entails this will hopefully help you make a decision.

    Sending you and your family a massive :hugs: right now xxx
     
  9. hannah76

    hannah76 Well-Known Member

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    so sorry to hear about your baby deb... no advice here except to say that the longer i live with the idea of a medical, the more i think i am too chicken and might want the d+c afterall.... its so confusing and hard to decide what to do, and i feel for you. take care of yourself. x
     
  10. shocker

    shocker Well-Known Member

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    Hey deb im really sorry to hear of your loss :hugs: I was 14 weeks and i chose to have a d&c as i couldnt face the wait, if you have any questions or anything feel free to ask, i cant tell you what to do and no-one here can its a very personal decision but whatever you decide there will be people here who've been through it and can advise, hope your ok :hugs:
     
  11. londonbird

    londonbird Well-Known Member

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    :hugs::hugs: sweetie

    I know for me I wish I had of been put to sleep and had d&c ...nobody explained what I would go through or see ..and to be honest I found the medical so traumatic and awful, having to see everything and go through it all completly alone. I really feel if I had of known the facts I could of made a choice that would have been less traumatic. Also the recovery factor, less bleeding and so forth after d/c

    Anyways whatever you decide we are here to support

    :hugs:
     
  12. Rabiah

    Rabiah Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss.

    As I understand it from both my late misccariges, at 13 weeks gestation the advice is that the baby is too large to suction out with an ERPC (it's different if you think you are 13 weeks but the baby died at say 7 weeks). The amount of vacuum pressure needed to remove a baby of 13 weeks or over greatly increases the risk of rupture to the uterus. If the uterus ruptures a major fix is needed.

    Giving birth through a MMC sounds terrible, and the thought terrified me the first time, but actually it was the best thing that could have happened under the circumstances. It allowed me to bond with my baby and gave me a body to bury. The ritual of the burial brought tremendous piece, even though it was a very simple affair.

    There is no right or wrong answer - you have to find what's right for you, but unless you wait for while so that re-absortion can take place - I doubt many doctors would want to do an ERPC.

    I hope that all goes well for you, and that you can find the answer which is right for and your family.
     
  13. Gemma Xx

    Gemma Xx New Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear this, it's such a tragic thing to go through. I miscarried in June and had surgery to have the baby removed. I'm glad I was put to sleep and had the surgery, as it made things much easier to cope with. I couldn't imagine doing it any other way. I really wish you the best, and hope you can get through this hard time xxx
     
  14. sk100

    sk100 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Deb
    After reading through the posts, in particular Rabiah's, it might be useful for you and your OH to draw up a list of questions for the doctors. I agree that you may want to consider what you want to do re burial/cremation.
    xx
     
  15. debgreasby

    debgreasby Happy Mummy!

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    Many thanks Rabiah, your post made sense.

    Would i be able to bury/cremate my baby under these circumstances?
    I have only just started thinking about this as i kind of assumed that they would just take the baby away and i wouldn't know what happened to it.

    I am starting to lean more towards the medical side now i have had time to research etc. I think it would help me to have chance to say goodbye properly and have some sort of burial for my baby as opposed to it being all clinical.

    I have a lot more information now, and hopefully when i have had a chance to talk things over with my DH i will be able to make a decision.

    I honestly don't know what i would do without the support of everyone here. It means so much that so many people have shared their experiences and best wishes.
     
  16. alibaba24

    alibaba24 Well-Known Member

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    Hi im sorry to hear of the awful experience your going through. I myself have had a D&C and do not regret it one bit i feel for many reasons it was the best decision to make. If you want to know more pm me I dont want to go into all the details on the thread incase its too upsetting

    xxx
     
  17. SmileyShazza

    SmileyShazza I'm a mum!

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    I must admit I did wonder if you would even be able to explore the option of ERPC due to how far along you are. It has been different for a lot of us who have had the operation as I think most of our little ones have been missed miscarriages and therefore the size of everything is far smaller.

    I hope you manage to find a solution for you hun. We are all here if you need to ask any questions or just let off steam :hugs:
     
  18. debgreasby

    debgreasby Happy Mummy!

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    Thanks Shazza. Reading replies on here has given me lots to think about. I hadn't thought about the implications of me being further along.

    DH and i had a good talk last night and it seems we both want the same things so that's a good thing.

    I need some closure, wish the weekend was over so i could get my results x
     
  19. Rabiah

    Rabiah Well-Known Member

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    Hi
    Been thinking about you. Hope you managed to make the decision that was right for you and your family.

    How are you?
     
  20. bky

    bky :(

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    I had a D&C/ERPC with my MMC. At the 12 week scan I had found out it was dead since 9 weeks. I wanted to pass it naturally but at 15 weeks I had just started to spot and my midwives were worried. I was given the option of medical management or ERPC and I chose ERPC, mainly because I didn't want to be passing stuff at the hospital and they wouldn't let me do it at home. They had told me at that time they didn't like to do medical management past 8 weeks as there was more risk of tissue remaining (maybe just hospital policy).
    The ERPC wasn't bad though I was scared to death. I was sore for a few days from the anaesthetic but after that I was able to work through and get closure. They asked me if I wanted the remains (I didn't) but on talking to the acute gynaecological assessment consultant there were some options related to that that were available to me.
    I wish you and your family good luck in working through this.
     

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