advice

[Kiki1993]

Hi, well we were originally waiting until june 2017.. might still be.. I want to be a stay at home mum for the first 3-5 years (work part time if need be but want baby to always be with me or OH) and this is going to make me sound very old fashioned but all i wanted was to be a SAHM, I've always worked obviously and decided to go back to college, my 2 year course will have me finished in 2016 may/june time .. well OH said he doesn't care about the extras he just wants a baby and wants to try this time next year, I would be finished my course at about 6/7 months pregnant and then would probably keep working until the birth but just wondering what you guys think? Part of me wants to next year and the other part is telling me to keep waiting a bit longer for the extras (extras like marriage first) We would get married elope style at gretna if we have a child, maybe if we don't as well .. my head is all jumbled i can't make a rational decision.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

You have to decide what is important to you, and weigh the pros and cons. We eloped, and I enjoyed it way more than the traditional wedding I had with my first marriage. I spent so much time talking to the people that came and doing photos/toasts/etc that I barely saw ex. Second time around, we had a ship captain marry us and spent the evening together sailing around the lake and just enjoying each other. I got pregnant on our honeymoon, so the family met each other and baby at the same time. (good thing we saved all that money we would have spent on a traditional wedding!)

Definitely get your degree at least. I plan on being a SAHM until we're done with children and they're in school, and my Bachelor's isn't going anywhere. But at least I have it, and have the option of returning to work when I'm ready.

You've still got some time to decide. Keep talking it over with your partner, and keep re-evaluating the closer you to get to the first date.

 

[ariela]

Hi!

From personal experience I'd say that don't be too hard on yourself hon!
There's no right order to do things & it's just life.

I'll graduate from University in May/June 2016 and our plan now is to TTC in the end of next year (I'm still open to changes in the schedule though). Timing is always tricky concerning the work, but I'm confident that if things stay on the same track, we will manage just well. I'm planning to stay home a year or max two with the baby , then start working with 50% list at first. My mom was SAHM for twenty years, but I don't see it being that much better option than returning to work earlier..

We are not married, but I'm not that much into traditions like "#1 get married, then ttc" anyway, and so isn't my OH. I mean... What would be cuter than have a casual summer wedding and involve your kids there as well?

I don't want to incite you to do like we're going to, just giving this as example. Smart option would probably be to wait couple years and meanwhile work more. But sometimes when everything seems just right, you gotta let yourself follow your heart too! Just be sure you have someone to support you and to give free child care if needed.

Kitteh Kat, I just love your way of getting married, so different and romantic.

 

[cupcake.]

Like ariela said i also don't think there's the perfect order and time to do life it all depends on personal priorities.

I eventually want to get married but having a baby is way higher on my priority list. OH and i plan to start ttc next august.

Regarding your degree, you really have to see how comfortable you feel as time goes on and the planned ttc date comes closer. Maybe you won't get pregnant right away, or you could ntnp for a while before you really ttc.

 

[Kiki1993]

Thanks everyone, it's so hard to actually know what you want when there is so much outside influence and comments in the family.
We are hoping to go to florida at some point and considered getting married there but gretna is romantic and close to home (wont need to pay for the dress getting transported) .. but the with it being 2 hours from home i don't know if family will be like "you should have called us we would have went just to see and then go home" ... i doubt it but could happen? and then how long can i wear my dress around gretna? all day? Being with hubby, the dress, photography are the most important to me but i think i will doubt the wedding if i dont give family the chance to be there?
HND not degree, would take 2 years after my hnd to get a degree and i don't like the sound of any degrees so don't want a degree for degrees sake.
Wish I could just be trying, it's what this is all aiming towards, OH just wants to try this time next year (be finished hnd by 6/7 months pregnant) .. it's tempting to be honest, could then elope with baby there and wont feel as bad i don't know why that is :/
I'm trying to concentrate but my head is actually so out of order i can't make sense of anything
Oh and i'm college 9-5 today.. and working 5-10 .. so 9-10pm day today ...

 

[cupcake.]

I totally understand what you mean with family influences! I'm not even going to tell friends or family that we are going to ttc, i think they would not really be supportive. Well, my family probably would, but my friends would probably all think i'm way too young. I'll be 23 when we start trying, which i don't think is too young and OH will be 27. But yeah, it's tough listening to your own wants sometimes.

Try not to stress yourself too much, hun

 

[ariela]

You have so much big things going on in your mind right now (the wedding, college, holidays, working, a baby...) that it's no wonder you feel out of order. Just take your time pondering the options. I'm sure your OH understands if you still want to wait couple years more to feel more secure financially.

Simplifying to yourself what you want to provide for you kids may be helpful (it was to me). Also you can ask him to justify, does he have a good (also rational?) explanation why he thinks it would be your time to ttc next year?

Hope this is helpful.

 

[Kiki1993]

Thanks you two, it feels good too know i'm not crazy and it's normal to feel jumbled! Well OH is sick of waiting, we have been together a long time and he really wants a family, I will definitely wait until i finish my hnd, I have a feeling i'll be sick a lot when pregnant .. i just wish i knew what i wanted career wise, i kind of want a degree but i have searched every uni in scotland and couldn't find one course that i could or wanted to do! So thinking hnd is my only option and then back to working. I wanted to do child nursing but isnt financially feasible because they could place me anywhere in scotland, it's full time placement and part time study so I couldn't work on top of that, i wanted forensic science but i would need higher chemistry and biology and sucked at chemistry at school.. i don't even have the grades to do int 2 chemistry so would need to do an int 1, int 2 and then higher so 3 years just to get the entry to the 4 year course. No other course sounds good to me!

 

[ariela]

U know, you have the rest of your life to apply that uni and get a degree, if you still want at some point. I don’t know a lot about HDN, but I’m pretty positive that you’ll get along with it just well.

Have you thought childminding? It’d be close to child nursing and you’d be able to work at home.

 

[Kiki1993]

A hnd could get me into the final year of one degree or more normally the 3rd year of another. Yeah I have a HNC in childcare and use to work in nurseries, I would love to childmind but my house is council and not in the nicest area, i doubt anyone would want to leave their kids here to be honest If we were exchanged to a nicer area maybe, just sucks .. the only thing that makes it a bad area is neighbours, my garden is huge, downstairs flat is spacious .. I might see if one of my friends would want to start childminding with me but use their house, A friend of mine has a 2 bedroom private house (would need permission from landlord) she has the level below me in childcare and i have the level desired on top of 5 years experience, we have spoken about it being a possibility, by then we would both have kids, hers will be at nursery by then, i drive so could drive any older kids .. We would need to get care commission to come out and evaluate the place and safety check it, with 2 of us we could have up to 10 kids but because her house is only a 2 bedroom we would only get about 6 at most, competitive price rates would be 3.00 per child per hour so 18 an hour, we would divide by 2 which is 9 but then we would need to take money out for toys and stuff like that, insurances etc. so would probably take our wages down a bit.
Yeah thats what i've been thinking, and i told a friend my idea of having a child after my hnd and if i finally figure out what degree i wanna do then ill do it later and they said it was stupid
I have googled and googled universities and the courses they offer. I could maybe do forensics at abertay because they say with a relavent hnd i can go into 3rd year but i miss the 2 years prior knowledge and i don't think i could catch up because i don't have higher chem or bio so would be pretty impossible to catch up. 2 of the other degrees you don't need a degree to get a job they prefer experience which i have ... i just wish people would realise a degree isn't the be all or end all!
I considered doing the ba ASN and then 1 year post grad to do primary teaching, but the thought of being a teacher doesn't appeal to me anymore, it use to but now it doesn't even remotely sound good to me
I'm pretty sure once i get my hnd i'm just going to get a job and once i qualify for maternity leave we will try ... then after i think i will try be a childminder with someone, an ex colleague or a friend using their house unless i have a sudden epiphany of what degree i want to do before then!