After all the complaints about minding their own business, are you now...

KamKol

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...reluctant to give genuine heart felt advice to other mums?

I'm not talking about the whole BF/FF Battle...but just other general advice for mums...like "it would be better if you did this because..." Obviously, I know that it depends on how close you are to the person.

I went to my friends house today, not close, but close enough to go have a visit as she had just given birth to a baby boy. The baby is 2 and a half weeks old. As soon as I walked in, I was hit with extreme heat...it was absolutely boiling in her house! I broke out in a sweat instantly. Then she brought the baby to me to show me, and he was wapped up in a long sleeved vest, a knitted sweater vest on top, fully lined jeans and socks, with a fleece blanket all around.

I just briefly mentioned that it was rather hot in her house and it could cause baby to overheat and come out with a rash, or something worse. I didn't really push it on her as I was scared that what if the baby ended up catching a cold, she might blame me for it. She just waved it off saying "oh, I was feeling a little cold" and then turned the heating off for me.

Just got me thinking, if you were in a similar situation and you genuinely felt that you needed to air your views, would you still stop yourself in the fear that they might turn around and say "mind your own business - it's my baby" etc etc....
 
I don't give anyone parenting advice unless they ask. They never listen to me anyways and most people I know, if you offer advice without them asking, just return my advice with a "thanks, but no thanks, I know better" attitude.
 
i think it really matters on the topic. I would offer my opinion and leave it at that.

For example. if you wrote "im thinking of breastfeeding but im just unsure what to do, no one is supporting me"- id tell you that you strongly should breastfeed for a variety of reasons and to get to a La Leche League meeting ASAP because they are free and offer support, plus you can even go while pregnant!

and then i could at least say that i gave you the info. What you did with it after, its YOUR parenting choice. :) Make sense?
 
I dont think I would immediately offer up my advice to a new mum, I know when Thomas was first if anybody tried to give me 'advice' I would have taken it as a criticism and probably burst into tears. Now if anybody gives me advice, I will either say ok, that wont work for us because... or wait until you are a parent then you will know what bullssh*t that is!!! (To the givers of parenting advice by non-parents!)
In that situation, if I were too hot, I would know Thomas would be too hot and I would say wow, its hot in here, Thomas is a hot baby and take a couple of layers off him. Thomas actually is a hot baby though and sweats like mad if he gets too hot, but it took me ages to find what was good for him.
But I am definately more reluctant to give advice only because I know how I felt when I received it.
xxx
 
I wouldn't.
I hated people givin me advice when Aliyah was new born tbh,unless i had asked for it.
It just come across like they were telling me what to do rather than advice me,i dunno why :s Maybe i took it in the wrong way but thats just how i felt x
 
If the babies life was in jepordy then yes i would. If it was something that wouldnt cause the baby harm but i maybe wouldve done it another way then no i wouldnt.
Its a tough one because like a lady above said i myself wouldve took any advice the wrong way when alfie was newborn because i was an emotional wreck. Sometimes you just have to learn for yourself. I can remember when alfie had just come home and i wacked the heating up and it was roasting but i just though as he was in neonatal and it was hot there that thats the temp it should be anway the midwife came and she was sweating as soon as she walked in and made a comment on how dangerous it was due to overheating and i burst into tears but at the same time i was greatful for the advice as i coudlve let alfie overheat and no know any different.


<3
 
My baby is all but 3 months old so i don't presume to be a know it all mom. But if somebody was doing something dangerous that i knew could harm the baby i would speak up immediately...otherwise i just let it be.

For example, in your situation if the baby was all red and sweaty from being too hot i may have said something. If not, chances are when he DID start getting overly warm, as a mom, she would probably have noticed and taken off some of his layers. Sometimes you gotta just trust other parents to do whats best on their own :)
 
Its a touchy one I think! TBH, I worry about how I word things, especially on BnB, as comments and suggests can come across totally differently than intended via interent! In face to face, I am better as it is easier to have a proper discussion and find out what is wanted IYKWIM.

Won't give advice unless it is asked for or if baby is in some kind of 'danger'. I can be pretty judgemental (completely unintentionally) and always mentally slap myself afterwards!
 
I will not give advise unless specifically asked.
 
It depends on the context. I can't see me using the "if I were you I'd..." line but for instance my friend texted me the other day saying she'd had no sleep as LO had bad trapped wind and had been screaming in pain. I replied back with the sympathy I thought she was after, and added that with Fin I'd found if I held his legs in the air like I was changing his nappy & wiped his bum with a wet wipe, he would do lots of trumps. I'd found that by chance and didn't know if it was common knowledge.

Maybe she read it and felt like I was criticising her? I don't know, but she's my best friend so I hope she took it the way I intended it... I don't like to think of her or her little man suffering.

I think it's a fine line because it's easy to sound like you are criticising what the person is currently doing when you offer advice.
 
It depends fully. If you know the baby is in danger, then by all means speak up! But if you don't agree with their parenting "style" I say keep it to yourself. We are all individual and we parent in ways that work for us. The other day my sister was at my house and Luca got a bit grumpy; he was fighting his sleep. I picked him up and rocked him and my sister piped up "You mustn't pick him up all the time you're spoiling him". I told her "It's my way of parenting and it works for us". I later thought I'd snapped at her and called her to apologise/ explain. She told me I was right and it was none of her business but if he were to stay at her I couldn't expect her to do the same. I understand that wherever I leave my child people who mind him will do things differently to me. Fair enough. That's why I will only be doing it in EXTREME emergencies!
 
As others have said, if I thought a baby was actually in serious danger I think it would be anyone's duty to say something. However, if it's parenting/lifestyle choices then I would keep shtum. However, if my friends ask my opinion on things I will give them an answer honestly. (for example, my friend who is due a baby any day asked me where I'd put the carseat, in back or front, so I explained to her the dangers of having baby in front and reasons to keep rear facing as long as possible. What she does with that information though is up to her)
 
It really depends on who I'm with and the topic of it.

I'd never offer advice regarding a parenting choice to someone who was already a mother - E.G Breastfeeding. I have given advice to my pregnant friends regarding it * recommending it - even though I only lasted for 3 weeks lol.

With lots of my mummy friends, if we're talking bout something we're having a problem with then I'd give advice.

Think you just have to be careful not to make a new mummy feel like they're failing by pointing out something they do "wrong" xx
 
Yes I am very reluctant to give advice, or even to say that I've had the same experiences as it pee'd me off so much at the time!
 
It depends on the type - I don't mind people telling me about things that have worked for them like different ways of making up bottles etc, but I hate people telling me what I 'should' be doing - like telling me to wrap her blanket more tightly around her legs (it wasn't that cold and she was wearing heavy trousers) It makes me feel like I'm not trusted to look after her.

So I'd be very conscious of doing the same. I'll offer tips and tricks that I've learned but I won't criticise what the other parent is doing at that time.
 
thanks for your answers ladies. I genuinely thought the baby could over heat so just briefly aired my views and made her aware of rashes. But if it was a parenting choice, as in she would do something her way, i wouldnt say anything.
 
Its hard not to have an opinion, but I keep mine to myself. When we used to see the HV in the early days last summer we used to see so many babies wrapped up too warm or tightly in clothing when it was really hot you know about 25 degrees. The ladies would lay them on the change mats and they had like 3 layers of clothing on.
I used to gasp as my LO only had her tee shirt on. But looking back I thought what if those babies were preemies and needed the extra warmth. Its hard to judge, and so I dont anymore. So like others say if people want my advice then fair enough if not I wont say anything.
 
I have done gently before, like when my SIL announced she was feeding her 14 week old 3 jars of baby food a day (!!) I said 'Oh I thought the guidelines are to wait until 6 months now?' and left it there. I do it subtly and if they seem to care about what I've said go into more detail, otherwise I stay out of it unless the baby is in danger of course. xx
 
I don't usually give advice unless someone asks. Then, only if I have the information. I think people tend to think I have all the answers because I have three kids, but I don't. I think many moms believe that there way is the ONLY right way. There is many right ways out there.
 
it depends what its about, i would mention about the heat as I had heating on full belt when my LO first came home. was only when my sister brought round a glo egg temperature thing as a pressie i realised it was 24 degrees!! Didn't realise 18 degrees was actually quite chilly, so i'd mention it about heat as i'm sure i'm not only one to have done that.
 

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