The joy you ask? The joy is in hope. Hoping you'll make it. I'm not sure how the government works in Scotland, but in most places the government offers assistance, and is especially lenient with single moms. Let him stay off the birth certificate, unless he plans to marry you, it does no good to have him on there. You know what, I've never been in your place, my family was very supportive. But I have friends who are in your place. And it can get better. Life isn't fair. Ever. But its nice to hope for the best even in the darkest of times. My entire 2008 year was the worst year of my life. I didn't even want to have my baby towards the end of it, but you know what, when she was born, she was like the light at the end of the tunnel. Do you want to keep your baby?
Just remember. No matter what he says his life will change as well. It might not be as much as yours, but it will. Whether or not he's in the kids life, it will have an effect on him. but cheer up. Things get better! Just think about your baby. When I got depressed when I was pregnant I would just think about Harley and what I had to look forward to, like smiles, and laugh, etc. Wondered what she would look like.
I'll tell you what. I had a terrible newborn. She had colic and reflux, was a terrible sleeper, moody as hell. etc. And everytime her dad would call me and tell me about all the fun he was having, I wanted to strangle his dumb ass. It drove me crazy. I had a baby who spent the first 3 months screaming every night from 6pm-10:30pm. She cried everytime I tried to feed her, didn't want to latch on, cried everytime i held her. I thought she hated me. It wasn't till she was about 3 months old, I realized how much she really meant to me.
Yeah life sucks, but you know what, it gets better, theres some good in every situation.
Also, I'm a total advocate for breastfeeding, but you know I was a formula baby, and I'm a very healthy person, and I'm well over 6 feet. Theres nothing wrong if you won't be able to breastfeed.
I'm sorry if I can't cheer you up, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, pm me