Alot of advice needed please!

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by cheekybint, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. cheekybint

    cheekybint TTC #4 after TR, 1 tube

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    I come from a very complicated and mishmashed family and currently i'm not the only one trying to conceive.

    I have a cousin (22yrs old) who's just found out she's pregnant, VERY pleased for her! However i also have an aunt (33yrs old) who is trying to get pregnant also, however this is through artificial insemination as she is in a same sex relationship and she is really struggling to conceive. They already have one child together, borne through AI 2 years ago by my aunt's partner.

    Now, this is where it gets complicated. My grandparents divorced before i was born and both went on to have more children after my mother was born. So although these are both my relatives, they are not technically related to each other (cousin is daughter of uncle from my grandad's family, aunt is daughter from my grandmother's family). Both are obviously related to my mother, and as a whole all of us are very close, regardless of their family link.

    The problem is my aunt has become very withdrawn from my cousin since she discovered she's pregnant and now i daren't tell my aunt (who i am very close to as we're the same age and were brought up around each other) that i'm trying to conceive incase she becomes the same with me.

    What would you do?

    My second problem, my life is never simple lol

    One of my close friends is currently trying to have a baby through surrogacy, so far she's up to 6 cycles with no luck. After the way my aunt reacted to my cousin being pregnant i now daren't tell my friend that we're trying for a baby either :(

    I don't really want not to tell either of them, because i think it'd be worse if i left it until we are actually pregnant, am i better off telling them now so they have time to come to terms with it?

    I'm sorry if this doesn't all make sense and sorry if i've given you all way too much info to be going on but i think it helps to have a clear picture

    Thank you all in advance!!
     
  2. HippyMumma23

    HippyMumma23 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun. 1st of all whilst I soooooooo hope you get pregnant this month, it might take a couple of months and if you mix that in with not telling them until the 12 week scan (which is fair enough, a lot ofpeople wait that long) then we are talking a few months in which they two could get pregnant themselves.

    If unfortunatly neither of them do, then all you can do is approach the subject to them with lots of tact and understanding. And perhaps be a little prepared to back off a bit from them for a couple of weeks afterwards if space is what they need. They are friends and family they wont let you go forever, but it might hurt and they just need to deal with that. I assume it hasnt been all that long since your cousin told your aunt? She will come around eventually, but obviously when shes so desperatly trying herself her reaction is totally understandable.

    The thing is, the fact that you have even written this thread already shows a huge amount of love and respect for these two women, so I doubt you will approach it with anything but grace and understanding. And whilst its not a nice situation for anyone to be in, lucky that they have you who cares about them so much.

    A lot wouldnt be the same.

    xxxx
     
  3. cheekybint

    cheekybint TTC #4 after TR, 1 tube

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    Thanks HM, should have posted the whole thing in our buddies thread really, should have known you'd be full of good advice for me!
     
  4. HippyMumma23

    HippyMumma23 Well-Known Member

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    Awww its always good to get advice from all directions though, especially as you might have some ladies in here in your aunts position.
     
  5. Lena

    Lena Guest

    Hope you don't mind me popping over from 1st tri. If i were you I would wait until you are pregnant to tell them because if, god forbid, it doesnt happen right away and takes a few months that is added pressure on you and your other half that you really don't need during this time. TTC is a personal journey between you and your partner and anyone who would get mad at you for not telling them about it, is really being selfish.

    Me and my husband didn't tell anyone we were TTC because we thought everytime we talked to them, they'd ask or wonder if we had any 'big news' to tell them yet, and we thought if it didn't happen right away people might start to worry and think there was something wrong with our fertility.

    Lots of *~*~*~*baby dust*~*~*~* to all you ladies.

    x
     

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