Am I awful for having a doppler :-(

[10thSept]

Hi there
Now until last night I LURVED my doppler. Since we have been able to hear the HB we have been listening anywhere from twice a week to once a day - we listen in the evening together (hubby and I).
I love it because it makes me feel relaxed about the baby being there and OK and also find it a nice sort of bonding - I know the baby doesn't know it, but as my hubby said, it's a sort of link with the baby, esp because I can't really feel it yet.

Last night, STUPIDLY, we were out and I mentioned to my friend, who is a doctor, that we have one and love listening to the baby and that it makes me feel secure. She was REALLY judgmental about it (and she hasn't been about other things I have done that another friend has been very judgmental about) and said that it's obsessive, over the top and she has never heard of anyone else do that. I tried to explain it makes me feel secure and that I'm not going any more or any less to the doctor because of it and she said stuff like, unless I could understand when a real slowdown in heart rate came about, there is nothing I could do, that's the only time listening can actually do something. I tried to explain I'm not actually trying to stop anything bad from happening (god forbid) but it's really just reassurance. I also said she'd be surprised how many people use it and that she's not heard of it because people don't tell their doctors or midwives because of their reactions. When I said it means I worry less, she says obviously I am worrying because otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to listen.

Anyway, we dropped the conversation but it really really upset me a lot. I now feel terrible for using one or needing one and I don't know why but the whole thing has got me feeling really really down. I wish I'd never said anything to her in the first place, but I really wish she hadn't been so negative and made me feel so bad. Why can't I keep my stupid mouth shut??!!1

I know lots of people here have them, how do you deal with reactions like this???? And the people who don't, do you think it's awful to have one?

 

[Scally]

I do not think it is awful to have one at all!!!!! I would not be able to cope without mine!!! They expect u to go a month without listening to the heartbeat or having a scan. Having that reassurance is something i most definitely need especially if i am getting any pain or anything. As u said if something bad was going to happen we couldnt stop it (heaven forbid) but to just know that all is ticking along nicely is sooo comforting! Doctors and midwives tell u not to stress, so surely dopplers help reduce that stress, well they do for me anyway!
U poor thing, u didnt need that, but carry on using it, u r entitled to the bonding feelings u get with your baby x

 

[Mary Jo]

I have hardly told anyone (other than here!) that I have one - I am sure they'd think I was obsessed and I don't feel like explaining the extent of my anxiety and how MUCH it has helped me. It's working for me, feeling more secure about baby, and if it's working for you, ignore your friend.

The only thing that would make me question my use would be if someone said it seriously was dangerous - but I haven't heard anyone say that, so I'm carrying on.

 

[soon2b6]

From her point of view she might be thinking that it will make us neurotic mothers rush in and take up apointments unnecessarily. From your point of view you have a lovely time listening in on your unborn baby, feeling close, you see it as a bonding experience (I can see it could be useful for dads too)
She has her perspective and you have yours. She was insensitive in my opinion and has made you feel bad. She may realise this and apologise, perhaps??
You should never feel that you have to keep your mouth shut, particularly with your friends after all you were just talking about one of the most important things in your life.
I think if you get something from using it then wheres the harm?? You are definately NOT awful for having one. I havent got one even though I am soooooo tempted, because I WOULD be one of the neurotic mothers,lol
Take care, and keep doppling

 

[xGemx]

Don't feel bad. I told my doctor and he didn't think there was anything wrong with it at all.

I've had a few problems this pregnancy and my doppler has kept me calm during periods of bleeding when I would have otherwise lost the plot and paniced (which wouldn't have helped the situation at all). Since my issues my doppler has kept me calm and relaxed which can only help my already unstable pregnancy.

Maybe your doctor feels that we shouldn't be using equipment originally intended for professionals. I know this is a weird comparison, but I am a nail tech and I get annoyed when people use professional acrylics on their own nails because they don't know the correct way to do it. Even if they aren't doing damage, I have spent many years training TO do it properly. Does that make sense? I hope so.

I think that if the doppler chills you out and makes you happy then that is helping you and helping your baby as a concequence. Dopplers are nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[star-dust]

yes it is bad now hand it over here and let me keep it safe for you

Ok seriously now, I gave up reading after you said:

She was REALLY judgmental about it

coz that got me back straight up!!! How dare she judge you for tryin to do somethin that will help you bond with the baby, We asked my m/w about dopplers and she was totally for it and said they can be addictive but if you get one have fun!
She also said yes it can make some mums paronoid but if you cant find h/b dont amiddatly think the worse, just think babys playin hard to get and is layin futher back, and try again after having a hot drink or something sugery!

No its not a bad thing haveing one, dont let her spoil something thats special to you and your hubby, he doesnt get to, suffer the piles, the water retention, back ache, indegestion oh and feel babys kicks so letting him hear the heartbeat will help him feel close to baby and help him bond!

Sorry hun rant over!!

 

[lolababe]

i don t think u re doing anything wrong.
i wish i could go to my doc every week for a scan. but then she d think am crazy for doing that.
i also wish i can have that scanner at home and see my baby all the time
a lil obssesive but who cares if it makes us feel better

 

[first alien]

i had the same experience when i told the midwife at our first scan at 14 weeks. i left thinking "why did i tell her!!!" i dont use mine as often as you mainly because i cant be doing with cleaning up the gel after but i do listen on a regular basis. in fact yeaterday i listened in twice.
my husband loves the fact we have the doppler (he bought it for my birthday) i love the fact that he can be involved a little more as all he can see is a growing belly and not feel the pains and movement of the baby.

Dont feel bad about having one, especially if you feel you are worrying less from having one. i think alot of people would love to have one but have stupidly asked their midwifes who have said not to have one!!!

i wouldn't of heard my baby's heartbeat until my 20 week scan in may if i didn't have one. instead i heard it at 10 weeks and i smile everytime i hear it as it is so amazing.

i love dopplers!!!!!


xxxxx sorry for the rant!!!

 

[polo_princess]

Dont take any notice!! Your fine ... 99% of women on here have them

 

[Pippin]

What??? Well tell her to come on here then we ALL use them (well lots of us anyway ) I think there is nothing wrong with it and my MW thinks it's a cool idea and loves the fact they have come down in price so much. I use mine too, makes me feel close to my little one. Ignore your friend hon she doesn't sound much like a friend anyway.

 

[cs22]

I dont have a doppler but i dont think theres anything wrong with having one. As you said it would be like a link to the baby. I would like one but if i couldnt find the heartbeat i would freak myself out as i panic over everything. So for that reason i wont get one. Dont feel bad at all, You have no reason for feeling bad. You just want that connection with youre baby and theres nothing wrong with that xxx

 

[fruity]

I have loads of GP friends and whenever they or their partners were expecting they all brough dopplers home from the surgeries! I think it just depends who you speak to as to what reaction you may get. Just out of interest, does she have kids??

 

[badunkadunk13]

Maybe your friend was just having a bad day since you stated that she hasn't been judgemental in the past. Even not-preggers ladies have those. Just give her a call, explain how it made you feel (if she's THAT good of a friend, you really should tell her how it made you feel and not let it fester inside). Hopefully she'll tell you her reasons behind feeling that way or just say she was having a bad day and looking for an argument. Either way it's off your chest and you can agree to disagree and never broach the subject again.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with having a dopplar as long as the user realizes that there might be times that you can't hear the heartbeat and not to panic. Otherwise, if it makes you feel secure and closer with your child...go for it. If people feel differently, so be it...we're all different and enjoy different methods of security!

 

[jojo2605]

Aw, you poor thing!! As has been said several times on this forum: each woman has the right to make her own decisions about her pregnancy!

I don't use one, but that's my personal choice because i worry too much anyway and my OH thinks this would give me something extra to worry about BUT I would love one really to be honest & only for the same reason you have one: to feel closer to little one!!

I really just wish that people could be a bit more diplomatic about expressing their opinions instead of going wading in with insensitive comments such as this lady did.

There is no proof that what your doing is harmful, and until there is I would enjoy the heck out of your doppler!!

 

[Tsia]

Tell her to get a grip!
You want to listen to the heartbeat to give you re-assurance so you do.. theres nothing wrong in that! every woman does it.
Its just fascinating to me that you can hear it. I do it too.

DOnt worry hun. Keep on listening. x

 

[misswren]

I hadn't even realised you could get them yourself to be honest until I got here but I totally get why so many ladies have them!
I have m/w appt tomorrow for the triple test, not because the result will be particularly pertinent but just to squeeze in another opportunity to be told all is well really, which includes me hoping very much that she listens in for baba!!!
I think that basically as long as you are aware you won't always hear the little one immediately and don't panic etc there is no problemo.
You don't have much luck with the old medical professionals do you hun??!! Stay away from all those in white coats......

 

[10thSept]

Thank you thank you thank you thank you lovely ladies all SOOO much!!
I makes me feel SO much better that you all think it's ok and you're right, I have the right to make my own decisions and I sometimes people aren't going to agree with me and I need to ignore them!
She doesn't have kids, so perhaps that's it - I think it's FAB to know some GPs take the machines home!!! that's amazing, wish I knew that yesterday!
I'm not sure I'm ready to bring it up with her, I'm just going to leave it be and move on - and discuss my pregnancy MUCH less with me doctor friends!!
Thanks ladies, I love you and I love this forum - I feel so much better than I did before I posted, I was really miserable all day.
Thanks xx

 

[misswren]

Woohoo we cheered you up, maybe we'll manage to convince you that you're a stunner yet

 

[10thSept]

hehe, miss wren, you make me laugh!
and you're right, I need to STAY AWAY from the doctors!!!
I'm supposed to be meeting two friends who are doctors on wed, might not feel well!!

 

[jayne191284]

I have one and since i havet seen the midwife since i was 8 weeks it has been putting my mind at ease.

I am having to wait until im 22 weeks until my next scan and if i didnt have my doppler i would be going mad!

x