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Am I being a too impatient with my husband? Help please

southerng

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Hello ladies,

My husband and I are both 38. I waited to find and marry my prince charming. We both have never married. We dated for a year and a half, and married 5.5 months ago. I am ready to start, started feeling my clock tick at 34. We are closing on a house next week. I am grateful to have married "the man of my dreams," and be closing on a house. A month ago I asked him about trying and he said in a month. Well, it's been a month, and now he wants to wait until after moving in, settle in which may and says maybe a month maybe 3 months :-( I know my body very well, and know I will be ovulating next week and have my 6 most fertile days arriving soon. Every egg dropped feels like gold lost. As a 38 yr old woman who wants kids, your peroid actually becomes a value. We have used a condem since getting married. I don't understand why we can't just lose the condem, and move at the same time. The baby is not going to pop out day of conception. It is obvious the last thing he wants to do is hurt me. I know at this age, every day that goes by, your eggs age significantly. I want him to feel ready, and of couse don't want to force him into this. I don't know how I am going to get through next week when I have been counting the days down to these fertile days, and those eggs will just go to waste. Am I being overly worried? Should I sit back and give him a couple more months. I am sooooooooooo sad. Any words of advice??
 
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a chat about your worries and also his, the mystery of the make mind means there's probably something holding him back that your hasn't thought of (like fear!), sit down and talk about it, good luck
 
I think you need to sit down and talk. Remind him it takes 9 months to make a baby, if you got pregnant tomorrow you'd be long moved in and settled by the time the baby arrives :flower:
 
Thank you ladies, but we are all talked out. We have talked and talked and talked. He says he wants things to be more "stable" between us. We had more arguments while packing for our move. He said he wants to feel like his opinion matters. He says hes confused and feels "cloudy". I first bought this up in April. We had originally decided waiting a year after marriage. Something inside me clicked. I changed my mind. There is nothing i can do, but im feeling resentment building.
 
You had an agreement with him, and you changed your mind, but that doesn't mean his has changed. You need to be careful about building resentment when you originally agreed to wait 6 more months. He isn't doing anything wrong or mean or uncaring. He married you with the expectation to wait 1 year after marriage, and now you've changed - he isn't being unreasonable at all.

No granted, he could change his mind, but you have no right to expect him to after you married him with an agreement already agreed upon.
 
It sounds like he is worried about the arguing and right so, if your relationship isn't in good place it's probably better to wait until it is.And I have to agree a bit with miss priss, we are always complaining about men changing their minds but expect then to if we do. 6 months will pass quickly and you'll be ttc soon
 
This is a tough one, I understand both points of view.

On one hand you both said a year after marriage and he wants this precious time to be just you two, which is understandable.

On the other hand you're right in saying that at 38 your eggs are precious. Now, my mother conceived three babies after age 38 no trouble at all, but it's not that easy for everyone. Although you are still perfectly capable of conceiving and carrying a healthy child, the longer you wait the more troubles you might encounter. Miscarriage rates go up, egg quality and quantity declines and so on.

I hope you manage to sort this.
 
Thank you for the input ladies. Yes, we did agree to waiting a year. I started reading all the risk associated with 38 and that sped me up. He too wants to start trying sooner than a year. I feel like trust has been lost, as he told me in a month. I started calculating my fertile time, all for him to say no. Then he said maybe after we move in, his head will clear and we can start trying that wknd. That's now, and he says it's too soon. Now he is saying maybe October. He obviously feels pressured. I feel a heavy weight on my heart and tear up as I'm writing this. I love him. But this difference in readiness, desire is tearing me apart, and in turn, tearing us apart. We haven't had intercourse since he said he wanted to wait. It breaks my heart to put on that condom, knowing it is preventing a baby. I realize there is nothing I can or even should do. I worry the waiting will bring a huge gap between the 2 of us amoung other things.
 
I think you need to sit down and talk. Remind him it takes 9 months to make a baby, if you got pregnant tomorrow you'd be long moved in and settled by the time the baby arrives :flower:

Ditto this. Men seem to forget that it is a long 9 months before the baby pops out. And who knows if it will even happen right away?

My mum & grandmother both went through early menopause at 38, so I know for me personally, that I'd be pushing for it to happen sooner rather than later. But you can't force someone to be ready :(
 
I think it's fair enough that you're a bit concerned, sadly it is true that it is harder for a woman to conceive as she gets closer to 40. However, it is only a few more months and as others have said you do have an agreement.

Could you maybe try and settle on a new compromise - you could start NTNP, but not full out trying, in a couple of months or something? And you could use the time to really work on the relationship so you don't argue as much?
 
I think it's fair enough that you're a bit concerned, sadly it is true that it is harder for a woman to conceive as she gets closer to 40. However, it is only a few more months and as others have said you do have an agreement.

Could you maybe try and settle on a new compromise - you could start NTNP, but not full out trying, in a couple of months or something? And you could use the time to really work on the relationship so you don't argue as much?

This is a good idea. This is what my DH and I are doing because he wants to wait a few more months until we properly "try."
 
myself, am planning to be a solo mommy, for various reasons. Some of the main rreasons being my lack of desire to be in a relationship, my utter fear of intercourse (AI only for this girlee), and endometriosis causing me to feel as though times running out fast, despite only being slightly shy of 23.
 
I appreciate the input. Maybe I should just take the NTNP track. However I think for him, taking the condom off is going to be his decision. I have accepted I may or may not be ovulating when he takes it off. Thanks for all the advice ladies
 
Hun I really sympathise with you as I am having the same issues with my OH. I've been waiting three years now with a different excuse every time. First it was that we should both have a stable job (as I was unemployed at the time which was a fair comment) and after I had been employed for over a year it was that we should wait until we had a mortgage and somewhere stable to bring a child up in. We did that and then the next excuse was to get settled into our new house. We have now been in our new house for well over a year and now it's our relationship that needs to become more stable, however I understand how resentment may start to show its face and when that appears it can have a nasty affect on a relationship where you can end up in a vicious circle of "our relationship would be better if we could just have a baby and we could have a baby if our relationship was better" .... I wish I could offer you some advice but it's a tough one that I've been trying to figure out myself!
 
I can see both points of view. It sounds like he is scared to make that next leap. Its a huge thing for a lot of men to say yes and to decide on the right timing to try and make a child. I know my husband was on board first time but once I started talking about fertile times and ovulation he freaked out a bit and he felt that sex was then serving a purpose of only to make a baby. It was hard for him and it took a few months for him to get his head round it. Men don't understand that the timing is never perfect for having a child.

Hope he comes round. I am also an older mom and understand your concerns in regards to fertility.
 
I happened to come across this thread and although I am not having a similar situation as you, let me tell you how I came about...

My dad was 44, had been married before, no children and presumed "infertile" from an accident while parachuting in the army. My mom was 43, had been married before, with two (much older) children.

Apparently, they were thinking it couldn't happen for them :winkwink:

I am an "opps" :haha:

Hoping everything works out for you! :hugs:
 

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