Am I being super-sensitive?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by luca123, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. luca123

    luca123 Mum to 1,twins on the way

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    It seems as though my SIL is on a mission to make me miserable.

    I don't see her very often as we live quite far away so we mainly communicate via facebook.

    I had 2 miscarriages earlier this year and a couple of days after my last miscarriage she posted on facebook 'I've got loads of baby clothes to give away - any takers?' which to be honest really got to me at the time.

    I am now thankfully pregnant again. This week I heard that the results of my triple test show that I am at high risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome. I've just logged onto facebook and there is some comment that SIL has just posted about how she can't believe her children are so beautiful and that they have got perfect genes.

    Her children are truely gorgeous but I have got to say that I have never heard anyone refer to their children's genes in this way and it really feels like she is having a dig at me.

    I have been an emotional wreck this week - so am I just over reacting to her comments? Or is she a bitch from hell who is trying to upset me knowing full well that I will read her comments?

    The other really strange thing is that she has said that she won't give us any baby stuff because 'you don't want second hand stuff for your first baby - I'm going to sell it all on e-bay!' WTF? We have always been so welcoming and generous to her children I just can't understand why she is being like this.
     
  2. AimeeM

    AimeeM Mum to 3 Boys.

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    What a total and utter bitch. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you are bothered by her as that would make her feel great. She is playing games to make herself feel superior.

    Do your best to ignore her and delete her of facebook, you don't need this shit.
     
  3. alibaba24

    alibaba24 Well-Known Member

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    I reckon shes being a cow if she knows you will read these comments why would she post them knowing full well you would be upset at them?! no consideration whatsoever and if i was you id just call her bluff! if she said to me you wont want these baby clothes ill sell them id just say "yea your right it will be all the more special buying my baby clothes myself"

    she sounds like a cow try ignore her

    xxx
     
  4. Belle30

    Belle30 Mummy to a baby boy

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    Hiya honey

    It's hard to say whether she is doing this kind of thing on purpose or not without knowing a lot more about your relationship with her, the way she behaves more generally and her reaction to your pregnancy. Some women seem to feel the need to be catty or judgemental or been-there-done-that know-it-alls when they find out a friend or a family member is pregnant, for whatever reason. Or maybe she doesn't have you in mind at all when she is writing this stuff on facebook. But I know how easy it is to see it as a personal attack and feel hurt by it - I do this all the time!

    What is clear is that she is not being very thoughtful or sensitive writing stuff like this when she knows about your situation, and it is sometimes beyond me why people can't think a little bit before they open their mouths or start typing. The comment about her children's beauty and perfect genes strikes me as a bit odd being posted on facebook - but it does often seem to be a forum for people to brag unnecessarily about how allegedly wonderful their life is (people say stuff on there that would sound really weird or big-headed or OTT if they said it face-to-face, and you have to wonder why they feel the need to do it).

    The stuff about the second-hand baby gear is a daft assumption on her part - I'm having my first baby and I'm not at all bothered about having some second hand bits and pieces.

    I know it's hard, but try to ignore her stupid remarks - if she is trying to upset you then you don't want to give her the satisfaction. If she is just a bit thoughtless, then it's unlikely that she would realise you were upset by her comments anyway - that's just her ignorance, so it's not worth your worrying about it.

    I'm sorry to hear about your m/cs, and your triple test results - but high risk doesn't mean anything definitively, and you still have a greater chance of having a baby with no problems. It must be very scary and upsetting though, and I know it's hard to focus on positives. But you need to be brave and strong for yourself and your little one, and sod people that can't be happy for you or can't pay a second thought to your feelings.

    Your baby will be gorgeous too.

    All the best xx
     
  5. EmmanBump

    EmmanBump Guest

    she sounds like a complete utter bitch, just try and ignore her hun. i think that she knows that its going to upset u, the advice id give is delete her off facebook as u rly dnt need 2 be feeling like tht but i guess its ur only way of communication xx
     
  6. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    you are definately NOT being super sensitive at all!! i would be upset too if that was me, I would probably comment on her status and say something like ''are you trying to make a dig at me because if you are then its pretty pathtic'' and as far as the clothes thig goes, get a friend to write on your wall that they have some 2nd hand clothes and comment back underneath saying that you would love some 2nd hand clothes as you know how fast babies grow and how much they cost. But thats the more petty way to get back at her,(me being hormonal)
    you could just put her on limited so she cant see your status's and wall and everythig else, or delete her but i know how hard it is to delete someone who is related and you feel bad afterwards. but she is being a bitch,!
    Im sure your baby will be mroe gorgeous than hers and will probably be a better person as you sound like you will teach your baby values and morals whereas she sounds pathetic and selfish. xx
     
  7. Belle30

    Belle30 Mummy to a baby boy

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    I deleted my BIL and SIL (OH's bro and his wife) from my facebook when they were both being complete twats, and now at least I don't need to be confronted with their petty nonsense every time I log on! My SIL has absolutely refused to even acknowlegde my pregnancy (not even a sniff of a 'congratulations' - she didn't even speak to me at their wedding a few weeks back!) Although I felt a bit sad at not being able to say I had nice in-laws, you really don't need people like that, especially when you're expecting and have much better things to think about.

    And agree with purpledahlia that your baby will likely turn out a nicer, kinder person as you'll teach yours that being spiteful is wrong!
     
  8. What a cow. I'd delete her from facebook and play innocent when she asks if you've deleted her, just tell her your FB is playing up. Ignore her if she tries to add you as a friend and just keep fobbing her off with that same excuse. She'll always wonder if you were doing it to get at her, just like how you're feeling now.
     
  9. mumnbean

    mumnbean Well-Known Member

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    Good luck for your amnio... I hope your baby is healthy and happy!!!
     
  10. jmac

    jmac Well-Known Member

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    You can do without this. I'd just bin her off and be very polite when forced to see her but not make any efforts to keep in touch otherwise.

    And your baby will be gorgeous too (Downs or not). Someone needs to remind your SIL that beauty is more than skin deep.

    Chin up.
     
  11. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    :hugs:

    I don't think you're being supersensitive in being upset - but I can't say from what I read that I'm of the same opinion as everyone else.

    She may be a complete bitch - OR - she may just be wrapped up in her own world and totally totally insensitive. And without knowing her, it's hard to say which.

    I'm shocked at the suggestion to delete her - as none of us can know what she meant by those things. That kind of reaction can kick off a world of trouble which you might find even more upsetting.

    I'd be upset too hon, but it's very hard to say if it was intentional to cause you this distress. It might be best to give her a wide berth either way - she doesn't sound like the type of person who's presence is going to make you feel better.

    :hugs:
     
  12. ramblinhaggis

    ramblinhaggis Call me Max - Mum to 4

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    first off get rid of her from your facebook, if you cant read such petty comments they cant get to you, wether she is just insensitive or not, you shouldnt have to read them on a site you go on for leisure. If she asks why you deleted her, tell her simply that you find her comments get to you so would rather not read them. It does sound bitchy to me i am afraid. Take no notice, perfect genes are only a very small physical part of raising a happy, contented child....xxx
     
  13. embo216

    embo216 Mummy to 3 <3

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    I would say that it's way to much of a coincidence that these comments are coming up at the same time as your going through so much. I would take her off my facebook although I know that's probably not the best solution as she's kind of family. x
     
  14. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    I would at the very least put her on a very limited profile, then she cant moan youve deleted her, just say youve changed your settings for everyone. its not fair to go on and see things like that.
     
  15. Duffy

    Duffy Well-Known Member

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    Sister in laws are very catty I have also LOL, the best way to deal is to simply not go to her facebook anymore. As for her not giving you baby clothe it sounds like an excuse on the first baby and I would not ever ask her again. Lesson learned she more greedy for money then helping out family it shows where you stand on the priority list. My advice from experience don't show that anything she does bugs you, hurts you or even angers you. I have a very distance cold relationship with my sister in law due to her own actions that have resulted in this type of relationship. Its sad because I'm sure there are generally nice sweet sister in laws out there but it looks like we both missed the boat on that one ROLF. Lots of luck and have some ((((( hugs )))))
     

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