am i being unreasonable :\?

[nicolefx]

Okay so atm I have an infection in my nose and a bad kidney infection. I feel terrible and i'm in alot of pain, but i'm still cleaning up etc. The problem is my OH - he was out literally all day on Sunday (working till 12 noon, then went to his mates to watch the football and came home at 1am). I didn't complain even though it meant i didn't have anything to eat because he was supposed to make dinner as i'm not in a fit state to make it. Yesterday I had to go to the doctors, which was a two bus journey and I felt like I was going to spew/pass out the whole time - he was supposed to come with me but couldn't get away from work which was fair enough. Then just before I went in he phoned me and said his friend and him would come and pick me up and he would call me back in half an hour. He didn't, I waited then went and got the bus home - he had fell asleep. He was working this morning, came home fell asleep, went to the game shop and is now going to his friends house. Tomorrow morning he has his friend's mums funeral at 10 am, will be out all day for it then probably going out at night after it. Which means tomorrow he will be hungover/in bed all day. On Thursday he has football and he is going out on Friday again.He makes about 800 a month so I don't see how he can afford it. 150 comes off of that for a debt management plan and he has his phone bill plus bank charges to pay. I wanted him to give me some money/pay for some baby stuff on friday too. Plus his dad has just went and asked him for 600 quid . Which he will apparently pay back, but can't give a time when - he can only say 'you'll get it back'. He isn't working, barely looking for a job so I don't see how he can pay it back. I'm due on the 22nd of december and we have basically nothing bought in at all. I get paid on tuesday so I will be able to get something in. I'm just really disappointed and annoyed right now - I don't see why he has to go out so much or why he is incapable of cleaning up or why no one seems to be paying any attention to the fact im ill and stressed . Am I being unreasonable here? xxx

 

[tink30]

Your not being unreasonable hun at all xxx I would be upset with this... I would try and get some strength back and then sit him and speak about all this. Can your mum come and help out for a few days or a close friend? it will take up too much energy to have this out with him now if your poorly. and the kidney infection will make you feel terrible and the antibitoics sleepy.. so save your energy jusst now xxx hoping you cant sort this all out. Sometimes men need a proper chat with.. big hugs xxx

 

[Jaylynne]

I don't think you're being unreasonable! Especially if he has no money to afford going out to begin with! Some guys are just dense and need to be told what you're feeling because they will never get it on their own. I think that's horrible he left you to get the buses home when he was supposed to arrange the ride! He's going to be a dad which means he needs to step up and grow up. If that means fewer nights out with the guys then he needs to slow it down. Maybe make a chore list so he knows to help you out? I'd definitely have a good talk with him when you're not upset as emotions tend to ruin a fair conversation

 

[AveryATL]

Sounds like he needs to grow up, in a major way, really fast, and realize that the world does not exist simply for him to have fun in. He has to start prioritizing you and the LO over his needs to hang with his buddies.

 

[Stargazer77]

No

 

[Dani_87]

Not being unreasonable at all! He should be helping you out as much as possible.

 

[kaiser246]

edit

 

[Natalie1a]

No you are not being unreasonable at all in my opinion. Your OH needs to sort his priorities out he has a baby on the way and you and baby should be the most important. Ok so they still need to go out but not all the time! Also I understand he might want to help out his dad but you will need all the money you can get for the baby and if he only earns £800 how his dad can expect £600 is crazy (to me, I hope this does not offend you!) Nx

 

[nicolefx]

Thanks for all the replies guys - i don't know if it's just me but i second guess all my feelings now for fear of just being hormonal! I love him to bits and he is soo excited about his baby - always feeling my stomach, asking if hes been kicking, kissing my stomach etc. But to me that means nothing if he can't provide for him - to me being a good dad started the day we found out, not when baby is born . He has given up alot for the baby - smoking, playing golf all week, playing poker a few times a week. But he's still saying 'oh but I haven't been out in ages' .. i'm like well you go to your mates a few times a week to play the ps3 or whatever, you were out 3 weeks ago for your mates birthday (he was absolutely legless), you were out all day on sunday and you were completely drunk? The last time I went other than to my mums or work was to Pizza Hut for lunch with a friend who treated me and wouldn't let me pay. I don't go anywhere and i'm not complaining because my little man comes first end of story. None of my clothes fit and he's away buying a new suit jacket, tie and white shirt for this funeral tomorrow? Plus apparently needs my last 20 out of my bank account for it .. I don't understand why someone would need money for a funeral that is 2 minutes up the road, other than for going out after it. Also when I said that I would try and come he had been saying all week yeah his friend would really appreciate it, now he's like no I don't really want you to come, it will be a long day, just you stay here and rest - which i'm translating into 'we're all going to be getting legless after it and I don't want to have to come home because your ill.' I never thought that when I found out he would be going out more than is reasonable, spending money he doesn't have, i'd be doing all the housework plus working 40-odd hours a week - it's like he thinks he can still have the same life he had before and be the best dad to his son. As for his dad, he knows my OH doesn't make enough money to give him it so will be thinking i'll give some - like fucking hell I will, my baby is not suffering because he has problems aka he won't get up off his backside to find a proper job and is still living the lifestyle as though he has a job! The worst thing is we live with OH's parents and they are fully aware we have pretty much nothing bought in for the baby! His dad charges me 240 to live here and OH 120 - that's not including food as we buy our own food, so that's just water and electricity as I keep the heater turned off in our room because I keep getting too hot these days. Not to mention the fact I get them free full Sky TV, free phone package and free broadband through my work - all they have to pay is 12.25 for line rental! If OH gives him the money he'll be informed that I can only pay 100 this month and won't be making the money up as I have to pay OH's bills now too. If he doesn't like it he can kick me out! My mum would love to have me home - sorry the really long posts, just really need to rant, its driving me mad and if I rant to my mum she would probably come to the door and make me come home LOL. Oh and before OH left I said so you won't be home too late and he said I duno we'll see .. in otherwords he'll be home at stupid oclock, wake me up, try to have sex (which i can't do because i'm very swollen atm) and be stinking of booze. Oh and then i'll have to make sure he gets ready and looking respectable in time for this funeral tomorrow for a woman he never even knew! Sooo mad right now xxx

 

[xPH03N1Xx]

Pack your things, take a week and go to your mums. If he asks why, tell him you just need some you time! And that shouldn't be a problem since he has so much of it. He will change his tune quick enough, and if he doesn't, just stay a little longer.

Don't let him walk all over you, you need to sort this out now, or its never going to end!
Do what's best for your bub, its more important than your relationship right now.

 

[tucker07]

i dont blame you for being mad! I would be to, downright pissed! he needs to put you and the LO first and stay home and take care of you! I agree with xpho3n1x you should stay with you mom for a few days and maybe it will get the point across.

 

[Jokerette]

youre not being unreasonable... its sounds a bit frustrating!