Am I doing the right thing?! HELP!!!

[emmylou92]

So my mum came to visit this week and i just feel her and the OH are telling me how to bring up Hollie.

I'm BF Hollie so if she cry's for a feed i give her it, if she starts sucking her hand or turing her head to the side and opens her mouth i offer her it and they say i'm wrong for just giving her what she want's when she wants it...as far as i'm concerned i dont know how much milk she is getting when she has a feed so if she wants more then she can.

They also say i shouldn't sleep with her as i will 'make a rod for my own back' as she wont want to go in her own bed as she gets older...but if my daughter wants to be close to me then she can right? she has spent the last 9 months in the comfort of my womb listening to my heart beat so if she wants to lay on me the why not?!

nd last but not least they say i shouldnt pick her up when she crys all the time because if i do then she will just think 'if i cry mummy comes and holds me' but i want her to know i will always be there.

I want to do all these thing's but they are making me feel like i'm a bad mum for doing it.

AM I WRONG?!

 

[Tanara]

I do everything you listed above and did with my son and he's perfectly fine and independent, and yes at first it was a wee bit of a struggle to get him to sleep in his own bed but it only took a few times for him to get the hang of it.

Your not a bad Mom, dont let anyone make you feel other wise, your her mom you know whats best end of story.

 

[x__amour]

Hugs, Emma.
No love, you're not wrong. You're doing exactly the right thing, being a mother.
You are supposed to feed on demand, especially if you're breast feeding and especially in the first weeks of life! Hollie knows when she's hungry and you know when she's hungry so you are definitely doing what's needed. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping whatsoever. It's shown that babies that co-sleep can have a higher self esteem while older, are easier to control and experience less anxiety/guilt throughout their life. That's only the tip of the iceberg. Your baby can sleep better and matches their breathing to you. Yes, sometimes it can be a little more difficult when it's time for them to sleep on their own but not impossible, in the end it will happen. As for the crying, I can see where they're coming from but everyone is different. I pick up Tori when she's crying and I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with it. The general guideline for "crying it out" is 20 minutes, I believe. But you're not damaging her picking her up and you're not "spoiling" her. Everyone has their different ways of parenting. Try calmly explaining to them that you appreciate their advice but Hollie is YOUR daughter and you want to raise her the way that YOU want to. You're NOT wrong and you are NOT a bad mom. Good luck, hon! Hope everything works out!

 

[brandonsgirl]

i havent read the above posts yet so sorry if im repeating anything said...

BUT hello your daughter is one week n a bit from your ticker???
If she crys - pick her up...
If she acts like she wants food - give her boob or bottle
And if she gets comfort from you in the same bed then go ahead... its a way of bonding.

When my LO was little little like that he would sleep in the same bed as us. He would fall asleep with Daddy and work his way over to my side of the bed and then he would get boob when he woke up etc.
We did feeding whenever he wanted it and always did. If a baby is hungry they will tell you. Plus just becuase you pick her up when ever she wants comfort doesnt mean you are just giving her what she wants whenever she wants it..
She is a little baby that is adjusting to the outside world who wants cuddles from mummy and daddy. There is nothing wrong with that hun..

I did all the things you said you are doing and my little boy is doing just fine. We had him in his own bed by maybe 5 or 6 months and he didnt have a problem with moving out of the bed. I think he knew that with him in it, it was only getting smaller. And boy did he take up space lol.
So yeah dont worry hun. As they grow up they grow out of things. Do what you feel is best

 

[YoungNImum]

we are all new to being a mum, i dont see why parents on both sides (OH) cant just let us learn as we go along, my mum nos now to not say can i give you a tip anymore because she nos i do it my way n not what people say. MIL is real bad for tryin to tell me this n that, gets on my nerves!

 

[hurryupsept]

your LO is still very young, youre doing nothing wrong. Youre her mother and you know whats best for her! ... and at the age she is you should be doing everything you can to bond with her

 

[QuintinsMommy]

I don't think your doing anything wrong i co-slept with quintin till he was 11 months , yes it was a hard thing to break but now he loves being in his crib, when he is cranky he likes to go sit and talk to himself in his crib? lol no idea why he enjoys that so much
as for feeding, I bottle fed but fed whenever he attacked hungry don't see whats wrong with that

 

[Ezza]

Your not wrong AT ALL hun...
When BF you feed on demand really... I did. I suppose wen they are young its the same with FF too..
I did all the things you listed hun, and now my LO is 8months old and sleeps in his cot at night and plays happily, so picking him up when he cried and him sleeping with me hasnt done any harm
x

 

[emmylou92]

Thank you girly's. Made me feel much better about things. My dad and his OH fully support me and what i'm doing as hey did the same with their LO's.

Thanks

 

[Sarah10]

You aren't doing anything wrong at all, you are doing what is right by your baby! Ahh i hate it when they interfere, my mum kept telling me to feed him juice at 2month and after she asked about 10 times she finally got the message i'l do things how i want. Being a mum is all about learning, its nice to have help but its also nice to find things out for yourself and do what you want to do! xxx

 

[MissMamma]

Oh my god my computers spazzing out...i'll post later

 

[annawrigley]

You're not doing anything wrong at all! And as for the rod for your own back nonsense... When my LO was the same age as yours I co-slept with him, was planning on doing it for the foreseeable future, til maybe he got more mobile, anyway at around 1 or 2 months old he decided he didnt wanna do it anymore, so he slept in his cot and that was that. Sometimes he'll come into my bed after he wakes in the night, sometimes not. Last night he was poorly so he was in my bed all night (from when I went to bed). Tonight he's still poorly so will probably be the same. When he's better he'll probably be back in his cot and I don't see that being a problem at all, nor was it a problem after co-sleeping for 1 or 2 months... He likes his independence! Not a rod in sight x

 

[wanaBmummy]

hey all i was nosing and thought id leave a response. hope you don't mind.

I am not saying your wrong by any means. in the first few months babies live by instinct and need, hunger, comfort and sleep and giving them what they need is perfectly fine. BUT i can also see where they are coming from. its as they get older it can become more of an issue.

i work in a nursery. as they get older, about 6 months and up and start nursesry, you can tell which children get picked up and carried alot and which have had alot of attention from one person etc. its fine to do that if your child/children don't attend nursery, you have the time to do that ( im not saying any of your children do go or will go) but if you have to go to work or college or what not and you send your baby to nursery where say 5 other babies will be looked after that day, they arn't going to get the same amount of one on one attention as their used to which can make it a tougher transition. also as a carer if you've got 3 out of 6 babies that are used to being fed straight away and carried and picked up when they cry there is no possible way to do so with all of them all day and it becomes a learning curve for the babies.

anyways i hope i haven't offended anyone and i just thought id share my oppinion as someone who is neuteral and has worked in childcare for the past 5 years. I'm not trying to sound like a know it all by any means, i'm 20, i work with kids, have large family, can't wait to be a mummy my self x

 

[AP]

shes only a week old?!!? Then tell them all to get stuffed!!!

At first I thought you were gonna say your LO was much much older but nooooooo, you carry on what you are doing for as long as you want!

As she gets older you can decide how to do things. But for now she needs and relies on you

 

[jovigirl93]

Ugh I dont miss that! my MIL and my own mom told me the same things....

If you are breastfeeding the baby is going to be hungry more. Breast milk is very watery and not very filling so of course baby is always gonna be hungry! Plus the bond is nice!

As far as picking her up when she cries, I did that to and my daughter is fine. She cant comprehend yet that when I cry mommy gets me so that MUST MEAN SHE IS SPOILING ME. All she knows is crying, and when she needs something, shell tell you! babies need comfort and just to be held. Im not saying do that when shes older like 9 months, but for now, go for it.

I co slept from when Emma was about 3 or 4 months til 8 months. Right now she sleeps on her own (it took about a week to get her to sleep on her own, dont get me wrong, its tough but not as tough as it sounds). she sleeps with us every now and then like if she is sick, but overall she does good on her own

 

[aafscsweetie]

you aren't doing anything wrong at all!! i'm glad you are standing up for yourself.

like others have said, a lot of us co-sleep and it is perfectly fine! I'm sure it will eventually be a hard habit to break, so I don't plan on doing it for a very long time, but I will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I love having her close to me and she seems to love it too. And about picking her up when she is crying- she is SO young, not even 2 weeks for christ's sake. she is most definitely not old enough for you to "just let her cry it out". she needs to know that when she cries, you will be there to comfort her. she is just now learning that. really she won't be ready to just cry it out for a few months. you are doing great by responding to her needs. don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

edit: I also worked in a daycare and could tell the difference between babies who were held a lot, as they expected to be held all the time- but that was in babies over 6 months old. She is so young that she does not yet know the difference, and she won't for a while. You will know when she eventually starts crying ONLY because she knows mommy will come running- and THEN you can decide what to do about that. For now, just keep comforting your sweet baby. That is what she needs

 

[wanaBmummy]

i was trying to say the same as what aafscsweetie said to do with the nursery side of it. i hope that came across. as i said at the begining of my previous post in the first few months they need you and live purly by what they need x

 

[amandad192]

You are doing everything perfectly. It's a good thing that you see her hungry signs before she has to cry for a feed. I didn't breast feed but I'm pretty sure it's harder for a crying baby to latch on that it is for a baby who is just starting to let you know she is hungry (someone correct me if I'm wrong, pretty sure I read that somewhere)
I lived with my dad when Liam was born and him and my OH always told me not to pick Liam up as soon as he starts crying..I didn't listen. Every time HV came over she would tell me to leave him for a few minutes when he cries, I didn't listen. The only thing that really bothered me was my mum being the complete opposite, I visit her for a weekend a every month..and when Liam cries SHE tries to comfort him when he needs his mummy, not his nanny that he doesn't know very well. Admittedly I did have to let him CIO out 6 months because he got too attatched and would only sleep on me and it was hell. But now he is quite independant. He sleeps in his cot every night, he feeds himself. I get a maximum 20 minute cuddle time in the mornings when he has just woken up, but he doesn't do much cuddling anymore.

Keep going as you are, your baby needs you to do all the things you are doing.

As for the 2 posters about LO going in to nursery I must say I agree. My SIL works in a nursery and can really tell the difference between the babies that are "wrapped in cotton wool" and those that are prepared for nursery. If you plan for your LO to go to nursery I would start working on distancing yourself at about 4 months. I don't mean leaving her to cry for ages, just a few minutes. When she starts crying go for a wee, wash your hands, then pick her up and comfort her. She will learn that she may have to wait a short while but someone will come and be there for her.

x

 

[annawrigley]

O/T but I miss Noah rooting Its a reflex they're born with and grow out of it by 6 months (but Noah stopped much earlier). It was so cute! Awwww newborn broooodiness

 

[MissMamma]

Hun she's your daughter, she's a week old, you are doing everything perfectly!

They told me whilst i was in hospital that by the time your baby's crying it's too late and means you've missed all the earlier rooting signs and it is definitely harder to get a screaming baby to feed!

Try not to let other people worry you, i know its hard and i'm a massive hypocrite because for the first 4/5 weeks of my daughters life [and still now occasionally if i'm honest] i was constantly paranoid that i was doing everything wrong!

you're doing a great job!