am i doing wrong? x

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by jaydensmummy, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. jaydensmummy

    jaydensmummy jayden lee ellis

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    Not sure whether to post it in here but couldnt find anywhere else really suitable for this topic.

    Im 19 with a 6 month old baby. I split up with thw babys father when i was 6 weeks pregnant
    as i was really unhappy but i wont go into that. He wasnt there at all through the majority
    of my pregnancy but i asked him to be at the birth as he had a right to see his 1st child
    being born no matter how much aggro he had caused me over the past 9 months.

    Jayden lee is now 6 months old and his 'dad' has seen him about 10 times altogether. He has
    never had him overnight, never has jayden ewgularly (sees him once or twice a fortnight for
    4 hours each time) and i just genuinely feel that he doesnt want to chip in.

    I know we are both young as hes 19 aswell, but i think no matter how much we hate eachother,
    we have a baby together and we have to stay civil for jaydens sake.. He seems to think diff.

    He refuses to come down to mine to see jayden cos 'im gonna be in the house and it will be
    awkward' but personally that riles me even more as we both have to put OUR feelings to one
    side for jaydens sake so he isnt missing out.

    When his dad did have him, cos he hardly sees him i let him have him from 1pm till 7pm as i
    gathered he would want to spend as much time as poss with him. How wrong was i? 3-4 hours
    into having him i would get a text asking to pick him up cos jayden was cryin, cos he had other
    plans, and to top it off this is what did it for me, he gave him back after 2 hours saying he had
    'a headache'!! I had been badly for 3 weeks with the flu yet i didnt fob him off to someone else!

    Anyway, he is genuinely unreliable, useless and doesnt seem to care in my opinion. I feel he
    doesnt put jaydens needs 1st like he should so i have changed his visitin hours to 4 hours each
    visit so then i know where we stand. Ive also decided he cant have him at his house anymore cos
    each time he has he has said he cba to get him to sleep etc. His parents and my parents keep
    saying to me its cos he just doesnt think.. If thats the case i dont want him with our child in a flat
    on his own if he 'doesnt think'! Anything could happen.

    Am i being a bad mum limiting his visiting times and as to where he can see jayden?

    Sorry about the long thread but wanted to give the majority of the story as its really making me
    depressed.
     
  2. lyre

    lyre Well-Known Member

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    didnt get what 'cba' was? anyway, i think youre doing the right thing, he hasn't shown that he is responsible enough to look after a baby, he's probably just not ready for it all x
     
  3. jaydensmummy

    jaydensmummy jayden lee ellis

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    Sorry cba means cant be arsed lol.. Deep down i think im doing the right thing
    but ive got my mum, dad and his mum saying ive not got the right to say
    when he can see him or for how long but when i get a text after 3 hours
    saying come get him cos i got other plans i think i have ever right.

    Im the 1 whos brought him up for 6 months not him yet he wants him
    when it suits him and only if he doesnt have to pick him up/ bring home x
     
  4. Connah'sMommy

    Connah'sMommy Well-Known Member

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    He cant pick and choose when he wants to see him! He should stick to regular visits otherwise you have every right to limit his visits.
    You do whats best for you and Jayden :hugs:x
     
  5. cupcake

    cupcake Mommy of a gorgeous boy!

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    in a way they are right without a court order saying so i dont think you can pick and choose but you seem to have every right to, he soudns terribly irresponsible.
     
  6. faille

    faille Mummy & WTT

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    I'm sorry you're going through that, you'd think that his dad would want to spend as much time with him as possible!!

    I think you're doing the right thing. By the sounds of it, you're the one who has been very cooperative and understanding thus far and you're just getting it thrown back in your face.

    You've tried to make arrangements and the LO's dad has proven that he can't stick to them so you need to make new arrangements. At the end of the day, you need to do what's right for your LO as he's going to be the one that suffers if his routine or days are messed up, not you or LO's dad.

    Maybe you could compromise a little more and say your ex can have LO at his flat, but it has to be supervised..? Maybe by ex's mum or someone you can trust but who doesn't make him feel awkward? He's then got the choice and until he can show he's mature enough to look after LO on his own then I wouldn't trust him alone with him either!
     
  7. jaydensmummy

    jaydensmummy jayden lee ellis

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    Thanks for all ya replies :) charlotte it wont let me message u back at all
    dunno why :( im on my phone tho that might be why..

    And i know i cant do it properly without a court order but i dont want
    to go through all that :(
     
  8. Connah'sMommy

    Connah'sMommy Well-Known Member

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    Think you might have to have so many posts b4 you can send a PM...? not sure though xx
     
  9. jaydensmummy

    jaydensmummy jayden lee ellis

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    Maybe.. I had another account on here but cant remember it :( if i dont reply thats why
    but when it lets me i will.. Add me as a friend so a dont forget lol xx
     

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