Am i in the wrong?

No way should you be paying for stuff at his. That defeats him paying it to you.

The way I was thinking of it is they think £250 is a lot but here that doesn't even cover the jump in price from a one to a two bedroom per month. So technically they're not even keeping a roof over the kids head :wacko:

I suppose that depends on area. £250 for a jump from 1 bed to 2 bed is scandalous.
 
I do not get maintenance. Personally I am just buying it myself...but thats just me.
 
My ex doesn't pay a penny so to me what you get sounds a lot - but as others have said it really depends how much he earns etc.
I wouldn't personally ask as I believe child maintenence is paid to include things like school uniform. And I strongly believe it is not to pay for a roof over the child's head. I would have to pay my mortgage and bills whether i had a child or not.
If I got maintenance I would expect it to cover half of any childcare costs and any clothes/uniform/school trips etc.
 
I agree with above.
I make sure that all of my basic bills etc are covered and budget for things without including the maintenance. Therefore all of what I am given for is used to get the girls what they need/want (new clothes, shoes, trips, maybe a toy etc)
What happens if your ex loses his job/doesnt pay for some reason and you are left with not enough money to pay bills, because you have been relying on maintenance?

Thats my view, anyway!
 
Most peoples mortage/rent and bills would be significantly less though if you didn't have children. £4 a day to cover food, childcare, regular clothes/shoes, washing powder, shampoo, gas, electric, rent, water is a small amount.
Then every so often your child might need something extra; a new bed, sports kit, uniform etc. Then there's 'luxurys' like a trip to the zoo, swimming or soft play where entrance can be between £4 and £20.
It seems like a lot as a lump sum per month but things add up quickly, both parents should contribute their fair share.
 
Most peoples mortage/rent and bills would be significantly less though if you didn't have children. £4 a day to cover food, childcare, regular clothes/shoes, washing powder, shampoo, gas, electric, rent, water is a small amount.
Then every so often your child might need something extra; a new bed, sports kit, uniform etc. Then there's 'luxurys' like a trip to the zoo, swimming or soft play where entrance can be between £4 and £20.
It seems like a lot as a lump sum per month but things add up quickly, both parents should contribute their fair share.

This! If I lived on my own, I'd be in a smaller property, all the bills and food shops would be less. Also my earning capacity would be more. My ex isn't going to look after the children during the school holidays or before and after school. I have to do that.
 
I get that... It would be great if they paid more (and like I said, I get less from my ex than the OP and I have 3 children and he gives them a lunch once a week and thats it) but at the end of the day, they dont have to. I personally make sure I can cover all of my bills (including everything my children need, because I DO have them, its pointless to say it would cost less if I had no children, because at the end of the day I do) If it was done through csa, they would be given a set amount to pay each month and it wouldn't change due to starting school/needing money for a new coat etc.

I guess it does suck and I totally understand where you are coming from, especially as my ex lives with his mum and is a mummys boy so he probably pays minimal (if any!) digs, and gets his food cooked for him etc... So he is sitting pretty om God knows how much each month.
But I get what I get and I make the most of it!
 
I hate to be nosy but 250 a month for 2 kids does not seem like nearly enough. I can totally understand why you needed help with school clothes mama. Just judging by your ex-husband's response it seems like he really has no idea how much it cost to take care of children.
 
My ex doesn't pay a penny so to me what you get sounds a lot - but as others have said it really depends how much he earns etc.
I wouldn't personally ask as I believe child maintenence is paid to include things like school uniform. And I strongly believe it is not to pay for a roof over the child's head. I would have to pay my mortgage and bills whether i had a child or not.
If I got maintenance I would expect it to cover half of any childcare costs and any clothes/uniform/school trips etc.

Well it is to help pay for a roof over the child's head as that and food are the single most important things.

It's very easy to say I'd still have a mortgage and bills to pay but here a one bed is about £1,200 a month, 2 bed £1.5k to £1.6k and three bed is around £2k. So the difference is around £800 a month. Add on the extra food, electric, water, gas and that's a hell of a lot of money extra. Not sure how the residential parent are just expected to find that extra money and not ask for extra help if needed.
 
No way should you be paying for stuff at his. That defeats him paying it to you.

The way I was thinking of it is they think £250 is a lot but here that doesn't even cover the jump in price from a one to a two bedroom per month. So technically they're not even keeping a roof over the kids head :wacko:

I suppose that depends on area. £250 for a jump from 1 bed to 2 bed is scandalous.

It really is.
 
When i had my children it was based on a 2 couple family. Therefore all decisions were made based on the 2 of us. If me and my OH did split up i would be in the shit as i dont have enough to cover anything and id never be able to afford a roof over our heads considering that my wage would cover the mortgage and only the mortgage. I dont think that means i shouldnt have 3 kids though as when they were created we are together and based everything on our income combined. (We are still together btw)

So i do feel his money should help pay for everything, food, mortgage etc etc as i am housing, feeding and looking after his children, obviously my money should be going to that aswell though
 
House prices in your area sound insane, that's a lot of money. I guess it also depends where you live then.
Also I only have one child so it's different because I don't believe that the bills are any more now than if I lived by myself. I just wouldn't expect any money paying towards my house or my bills as I see that as paying to help me, and not to support my child. But obviously everyone has different opinions, my friend gets maintenence but also asks for extras for things like uniform and other things so it generally just depends what kind of set up you have with the other parent - basically no one can say your in the wrong or not for asking.
And I've always been expected to find the money myself, I have asked for help when I've really struggled but I never got any. I've worked full time insane amount of hours to support us, loosing out on time with my son which now makes me really resent his dad. Anyway gone right off topic there lol.
 
If he has lots of money after the childcare payment I don't think you're in the wrong. He owes you money for the clothes you gave him to keep at his house anyway. Maybe it would have been easier to ask him for money for those outfits as he wouldn't really have been able to argue then. I know a lot of people get nothing but still, 250 is not much money for 2 kids!
 
I suppose another factor for living costs would be how much assistance one gets in child tax credits, housing benefit etc (if anything). It's a shame though that it gets to a point where a pair of shoes is "too much" you'd think it would be nice to feel involved. If he gets that pernickity I would sit down and work out every penny each child costs you personally per month for a year and see how the child maintenance payments compare.
 
I don't think it's unreasonable, you asked, he agreed then he had a go at you. I can't understand why he wouldn't want to contribute, he knows the school uniforms need to come from somewhere so if he doesn't pay you will have to. If he doesn't want to I guess he doesn't have to but then don't agree and then have a go? Especially if you don't ask for anything else. £250 is not a huge amount for both kids.
 
I don't think you're in the wrong, it's a normal request. What I find wrong is a parent who cares that much more about money than clothing their child. I don't understand the mindset of your FOB.

I didn't ask FOB for anything the first year because I managed to get Lucas's entire uniform for £10. The past couple of years, with needing logos and extra bits it's been pretty expensive for me and we've worked out a way of splitting the cost (about 70%-30% with me paying more). Sure if I really scrimped and wanted so hard to be that gold star mum who could take care of it all herself, I probably could. But I see no problem in asking FOB to help out with essential extra costs, and luckily he doesn't either.
 
I think it does depend but looking at it at face value I think you are not being unreasonable to ask this of him. The money he gives you each month is for everyday things for the children and school uniform is not an everyday item so therefore IMO it would require extra money.
 
I dont think £250 for 2 kids is a huge amount, however I also don't think that the absent parent should be fully responsible for all costs. Even things out, stick his £250 a month in a pot, chuck in £250 from you plus the child benefit then its a bit more equal.

I'm not saying by the way that you should actually do this but some replies seem to go down the road that his contribution should cover everything.
 
Our biggest expense is childcare still coming in at about £1000 a month, if we split hell would freeze over before I accepted £250, I would expect childcare to be split 50/50 (unless we got support like tax credits). I guess every family is different and it gets further complicated when new relationships/children occur.
 
I dont think £250 for 2 kids is a huge amount, however I also don't think that the absent parent should be fully responsible for all costs. Even things out, stick his £250 a month in a pot, chuck in £250 from you plus the child benefit then its a bit more equal.

I'm not saying by the way that you should actually do this but some replies seem to go down the road that his contribution should cover everything.

This :thumbup:
 

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