am i insane??

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by cillybean83, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. cillybean83

    cillybean83 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so annoyed with my husband right now and he thinks I"m totally nuts but I feel like my reasons for feeling annoyed/jealous/angry/hurt are justified! I had a baby 7 days ago which I'm sure is toying with my emotions as well but please let me know what you would do in the following situation or if you think I have cause for feeling bad...

    Ok...my mother in law has been staying with us since November 22nd to "help" me prepare for/take care of the new baby. She does housework and sometimes cooks...stuff like that. Well, my son was born on the 19th via a very painful csection (they had a lot of scar tissue and stuff to deal with due to a previous botched csection...i was in such a mess that the doctor told me not to have more children solely based on how awful the cut from the section was and how much more scar tissue would be there) so I come home and she doesn't help with the baby at all, she asks to hold him once in a while but she doesn't do diapers, bottles, rocking, staying up at night, etc...I also have a 6 year old who is luckily on Christmas break because he is homeschooled and that would be nearly impossible to handle.

    My husband took some time off of work to help me and while he does help, it's no where near even...and I'm constantly exhausted. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling that with there being 3 healthy adults in the house there is no reason why only he and I should be up all night (the baby is seriously spoiled on being held...he screams if he gets put down) and my husband gets all defensive...it isn't her job, she's old, etc...so I just stopped talking to him about it.

    Yesterday (Christmas) my parents come over at 11am, we open presents hang out for a while, my MIL made Christmas dinner and we ate at 3 with the intention of going to see some of my family later that evening. My mother in law decides she doesn't want to go with because we would be spending the night at my mothers house, we literally begged her to go, my mom begged her to go, she flat out refused. My husband then feels guilty because we're leaving his mom behind and we end up not leaving the house until 8pm, with an hour drive ahead of us, and we only end up seeing one person on my side of the family because of it. I don't say a word about it to my husband, I know stuff happens, whatever.

    This morning we get up and go get breakfast and we hang around the house for a while, then we go get lunch, then go visit my uncle and stop at the store...by this time it's 7pm and we're finally going to see my last aunt and her family. For hours my husband has been fussing and moaning about what time it was, when are we leaving, how much longer, etc...he's all antsy about getting back home...fast forward to 10pm...I ask my husband (who had previously mentioned us having a date night if we could get both kids to sleep) if he would rather watch a movie or play a game or something and he snaps back "neither, i want to spend time with my mom" um....ok then.

    Fast forward some more, we're in the car almost back home and I ask him if he wants to grab some fast food or something...I was starved. He says "I would rather not, we don't have a phone so we can't call mom and ask her if she wants anything...if she does I'll go back out. Well, she didn't, because it was midnight and shes 71, so of course I then forfeit my meal because the hubby then has no reason to go back out (I don't count apparently).

    So I was pissed and I got in the shower and when I got out I came into the living room to check my facebook and my hubby says he's hungry and my mother in law offers to make him food and he says "oh no, you relax...I can take care of myself"....when not 2 hours before he was asking me to get up and get him stuff to drink...when I had his 9 pound child sliced from my stomach one week ago, and I ran out of prescription pain at 3am. So that really peeved me off so I decided to go in the bedroom and put some picutres from 2009 in the album I had bought....

    The pictures were in order and on the coffee table when I left home...when I came home they were all mixed up laying on the bookshelf.

    My room, which I had specifically requested be off limits, was totally cleaned and picked through.. My clothes which I had specifically asked be left and the curtions, cloth, floor ext should have been off limits too...I came home to my bedroom spotless, couldn't find anything, totally annoying!!

    I got some gift sets for christmas and I wanted to take pics for facebook when I got home today. She had opened all of them and put all the contents (food, bath gel, etc) where SHE wanted everything to be...I wanted to use my hot cocoa and smore kit tonight since it's cold out...I couldn't find half the stuff because she had put it in some weird place. I told my hisband it was rude to open/move/rearrange someones present excesioj...he said I was nuts she's just being helpful...

    There is a ton more but I'm too tired to write more....please tell me what you think
     
  2. littlekitten8

    littlekitten8 Mummy of 1

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    Hi hun. Its totally normal to be very sensitive this soon after having your baby. I have to say I would be pretty miffed if this had happened to me too. Have you tried speaking to your MIL and just maybe making some gentle suggestions about what would be helpful? And also perhaps your OH doesn't realise what a major thing a c section is so could you point out that actually they cut right through your muscles and if you had had the same incision to have a hysterectomy you would be expected to be strictly non-lifting etc for at least 8 weeks and not back at work for 4 months! Hope things get better for you.
     
  3. kiki

    kiki Mum to Kirsty and Caidan

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    ok, I totally see where you are coming from on SOME of the things, like your MIL tidying in your room when you asked her not to, and your hubby seemingly worrying more about her than you. Having said that though, I would have loved the help with the housework and cooking that you have from your MIL and in all honesty, I wouldnt expect a 71 year old to be getting up to help with the baby at night.
    Lots of people have a bad time after the birth and dont get any help at all, so maybe you need to take a step back and be thankful for the help you are getting, and maybe you need to make sure your OH does more than he is, it's his job to do so more than your MIL's.

    Hope you start to feel better soon hon.

    xxx
     
  4. nikkip19

    nikkip19 expecting #1 :)

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    kiki i couldnt have said it better myself....
     

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