• Welcome back! The Xenforo Cloud migration is now complete. Thank you for your patience! NOTE: please make sure to report any issues to our Technical Support forum and we'll review ASAP.

Am I just an emotional wreck or???

jade1991

Millies mummy :)
Joined
Nov 22, 2011
Messages
1,486
Reaction score
0
Hi everyone.. sorry this may be quite a long post.

Basically I am currently pregnant with my OH been together 2 years, we thought he couldn't have children planned to have ivf later this year once he'd met my daughter etc however we've had a surprise. So he has met her a few times but only in large social situations and obviously now we will have to move in later this year. Which is fine, I know if he made the effort he will be great with her as he has been previously. However his ex had children and he always said how much he hated being at home with them and doing things for them etc as they weren't his... he says this isn't the case with my daughter but, he's making no effort to ask about her, learn about her, attempt to meet her. I feel like she's a back burner and she will be my priority and mine alone to look after.
I was talking to him tonight just saying how tired I am after working full time and obviously getting up taking her to school working all day picking her up from child minder home, tea, bath, bed and by this time it's 8 o'clock and I'm shattered, I said when she's at her dad's and I'm at his it's like another world and he said 'oh well not for long it's gunna be shit for you when you live here then'.... I replied well no, because I won't be on my own will I? And he went 'mmm'.. so I just said right I've gotta go now speak to you tomorrow.. because that really upset me. Normally he's really reassuring about Millie, but I just feel like we really need to air our concerns before it's too late.

I've spent the last half hour crying thinking what have I done, I don't think he realises how much I am going to be giving up to have his baby and leave the life I currently have. I know it's his house and his life is going to change massively too, but I need to protect my daughter and I'm scared I've messed everything up and I just feel an overwhelming guilt for my little girl, my baby! 😭

I just want to add that my daughter's father was emotionally abusive and I have insecurities stemming from that of course. And I know what it's like bringing up someone else's child I did with my ex's son. But my OH now aside from this is wonderful, caring, loving, complimenting, cares about me so much, he would do anything for me. But... I don't know 😔 I just feel terrible...

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for anyone to say really... just felt I needed to get this out 😔
 
:hugs: I am sorry you are going through this. Chances are, if he isn't interested in her now that he knows he will be living with her soon and has openly admitted he wasn't interested in his ex's kids from another father when he lived with them, he isn't going to suddenly develop an interest in Millie once the move does occur.

I would never date someone who wasn't making a serious effort to show me he was courting my whole little family, daughter included. When dating, it is important to impress your OH's parents and show your OH's little ones you are there for them just like their parent is.

I hate to say it, but didn't you consider this aspect of him before planning IVF/TTC with him?
 
I just want to give you a big virtual hug :hug: No, you're not being an emotional wreck. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else's. My only advice is what you already know... you need to talk this through with your OH. He has to step up and take on his role in your new blended family and he's got to do better than 'mmm'. As he's normally supportive, it sounds like he's maybe just had a bad day. A good night's sleep and a chat when you're both feeling a bit better is probably all you need to clear the air :) Best of luck xxx
 
Thank you! He is ill at the moment with a cold... man flu... ahem so it could just be that. It was only a few days ago that he was saying how he will be a solid influence on my daughter as her father isn't great etc etc. I think maybe I'm expecting him to be all singing all dancing all the time?

Wrapunzel of course I did. And we had always planned to meet over the summer have days weekends away and gradually introduce that way but I wanted to wait until I was absolutely sure to introduce them. So yeah of course I had considered this and on many occasions he has assured me this isn't an issue at all and he will be there for her as much as the baby but... it's little things that make you think isn't it.

Thanks x
 
I want to add that his ex's kids were 11 and 15 so slightly older and very loud argumentative children that he had to look after 3 nights a week alone as she was working away etc, so I think the only experience he has had has been bad...
 
Oh I see, I didn't catch that you were the one holding back his involvement with her the first time around. Has she ever said she wants little siblings?
 
Haha, don't forget that man flu is a terrible, terrible illness and he's obviously on his deathbed because of it :winkwink: I suspect you'll find his support returns when he stops 'dying'. Poor lad. Men really don't cope well with colds! Xxx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,189
Messages
27,141,082
Members
255,672
Latest member
mummynugs
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"