Am I just freaking out? Long & Rambling...*EDIT-see 3 comments down*

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by MissFish, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. MissFish

    MissFish Well-Known Member

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    Maybe my hormones are takin over & I don't realize but...

    Past few weeks it seems me & OH are hanging by a thread. We fight over everything. I think it's bc my friend just moved here from out of state and moved in with us. Now it was his idea, & he offered to let her stay with us. He even told me today he feels like it's dejavu from his marriage. She was pregnant, her friend moved to town & divorce followed shortly. DIVORCE?! We aren't even married & those aren't exactly comforting words to hear. I can't exactly kick my best friend of 16 years to the curb because he feels left out or threatened because she's only been here a month & doesn't exactly have money saved for her own place yet!

    Also, he is leaving for Vegas today for the weekend. I'm glad he gets a last trip with friends but I am tired of hearing about it! (this is all hormones lol) he gets to go out, drink & dance while I'm stuck here working & being umcomfortable. It doesn't help he's going with single friends who are dogs and womanizers (old airforce buddies all live in different states) and a bunch of pretty girls I've never met...not cranky, insecure pregnant cows like me! I trust my OH so I don't know why all the sudden I care.

    Then there's the fact we have nothing for the baby. I'm damn near single digit weeks and starting to freak out. We bought a second hand crib that I sanded & restained & it's been sitting downstairs waiting to be brought upstairs & put together for 3 weeks now. It's in the middle of the frickin livingroom it's hard to miss I practically trip on it everyday. I feel like it will sit there forever if I don't nag him daily to bring it up.

    I dunno ladies I think I'm having a bit of a freak out, combined with feeling me/baby are being pushed aside for his stupid drunk festivities in Vegas..it's all he talks about. Its so hard because I'm forced to be in baby mode already & don't have the luxary of not stressing about details. We had a baby shower over a month ago and all gifts are still in bags under the stairs. We also have hundreds of dollars in giftcards that he hasn't once expressed interest in using for the baby knowing fully well we don't have anything useful for the baby yet aside from about 100 outfits lol..I know a lot can be done before baby arrives but I am still working 35 hrs a week, he works nights, we don't share even one day off & he has his boys on his days off anyways. I just hope he finds more interest in the baby after he gets it out of his system this weekend. He has no interest in making sure we have what we need for LO.

    I guess basically after reading this I am having a damn meltdown! Please tell me he will pull his head out and I will somewhat level off?? I feel like a crazy person :(
     
  2. RaspberryK

    RaspberryK Well-Known Member

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    I think he just wants his last mad 5 mins before the baby arrives, men are funny creatures. Mine thinks everything can be done last minute so I've not involved him in any preparations, if I want it doing it's simple. I do it.

    x
     
  3. ClaireMuir123

    ClaireMuir123 Mummy to Jayden and Ava

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    Awww I'm sorry you're feeling like this hun. He may not even realise what he's doing re the Vegas trip and keep talking about it, excitment can get the best of some men! I think some of this is mainly hormones but that doesn't mean what you are feeling isn't real.

    I think you'd feel better if you made headway with the baby stuff, go through all the gifts and see what you have and what you need and make a list of what you need. I don't know about you but when there are a few things bugging me as soon as I start to tackle one of the, everything else seems to somehow slot into place.

    I also think you should speak to you OH and explain how you feel BEFORE he goes to Vegas if you can. Just explain how you feel and that even though you trust him, you still feel a bit insecure.

    I hope things start working out for you soon :hugs: xxx
     
  4. MissFish

    MissFish Well-Known Member

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    Oh I left out a very important detail in all my blabbering that I found a condom in his bag he had packed. Not even sure why but I looked down, unzipped a tiny pocket & there it was. They have been at our house for months & he claims he wanted to give it to his friend in Vegas in case he needed one cause we don't need them. This sounds like such an excuse the only reason I'd almost believe him is he gave a handful to a buddy who was over the other day.

    I tried having a conversation with him about it and told him I still want to trust him but he just got very defensive and would barely speak to me let alone console me. Just said he's not a cheater, never has been or giving me any reason to believe he would (which is true) & I can believe what I want.

    Either way he's leaving in like two hours and sleeping ATM cause he just got off a night shift. Sooo either way I'm stuck & paranoid all weekend.
     
  5. Brieanna

    Brieanna Well-Known Member

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    Maybe after he finally gets this vegas trip out of his system he will start focusing more on the baby. While he is gone maybe start doing things for the baby (maybe ask your friend to help with things, like move the crib?) and go out and buy some things for the nursery too. When he comes home and sees the baby things maybe it will become more "real" to him. Guys can be kinda dense sometimes and also we have all the symptoms of a baby and are constantly reminded of the baby's presence while men have to actually SEE something tangible to think about it sometimes.

    Do you have a date for how long your friend is going to stay with you? Is she staying permanently? Maybe he is the type of person that needs structure and concrete plans so he needs to know, say, that on so-and-so date we my friend will move out (or that she is for sure going to stay), on so-and-so date we will paint the nursery, etc.

    Sometimes guys need more than reminders and hints, so maybe just talk to him about your worries (especially about what he said about this reminding him about his divorce and stuff).

    Also, you guys need some alone time together. Since your friend lives with you and you don't share days off, maybe go on a "date" one night when you're not tired (even if it's just the 2 of you going to pick out a movie or get something fast to eat). It seems like you hardly have any time together.

    I don't know your friend or anything, but I know of my own experiences with roommates. I know that when we had a friend move in with us (and he was both of our friend) things got really stressful because of little things that you would think wouldn't really matter (sharing a washing machine, missing cokes from the fridge, using his shampoo, stupid little things that all added up!) so maybe he was ok with it at first (he suggested it) but didn't realize the stress that would create and now he doesn't want to say anything because you are pregnant and he doesn't want to stress you out or some other reason. Like I said I don't know your friend, these are just thoughts! :)

    Hopefully everything gets settled and you feel better and remember that your feelings are real and valid BUT any feeling we have right now have a little bit of hormones involved too so if nothing else try to relax. Good luck! :)
     
  6. Brieanna

    Brieanna Well-Known Member

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    Just read the condom part and that changes everything! That sounds like a flimsy excuse to me but I have no advice for cheating, sorry. Hopefully someone else does. :(
     
  7. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    Ugh honey my heart breaks for you.

    Well, my honest opinion, as someone who worked in policing for many years and is well familiar with the vegas mentality of military/LE guys.

    I'm sorry, that condom isn't for a buddy. That doesn't make sense. He's said he feels like the relationship is over (like his divorce), he's going on this trip when clearly you are upset and he doesn't care enough to stay, and yeah, the condom thing. Sorry, I really don't buy it - and I don't think you do either. There's hormones and then there's seeing things for what they are. Dont' confuse them.

    Good luck
     
  8. MissFish

    MissFish Well-Known Member

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    Thanks brieanna. Great advice all around.. We obv have a lot going wrong all the sudden. Not sure where to start. I'm not usually one for airing out my dirty laundry but I don't know who else to talk to!
     
  9. Ladybugbaba

    Ladybugbaba 3 Boys Expecting A GIRL!!

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    omg hun first part i was thinking sounds like a typical male, my OH went out last weekend only for 3 hours tho so nothin compared to you but i was 2 weeks off due date, but then i read your part about the condom im sorry but id want answers before he leaves and i would of threw the condom away aswel without him knowing big hugs hun x x x x
     
  10. MissFish

    MissFish Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. I did ask him about the condom as soon as I found it. He just sticks to the story that he was trying to get rid of it and would have taken all of them but could only find the one. I also threw the condom out when I found it, but it's not like they're not replacable. I don't really buy it but what am I supposed to do now?

    He already left for the airport & I'm just left sitting here trying to figure out what the hell happened. He gave me a quick kiss and said "have a good weekend" Gee thanks. How is it possible for him to be mad at me, I'm not packing condoms around..for my friends or otherwise. SMH. Ignorance would be bliss right now.
     
  11. Mother of 4

    Mother of 4 Mom to 5 & pregnant

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    Ok so first off this would never happen in my marriage or relationship. You're having a baby it's not the end of the world. There is no need for a trip like that. My husband and I would take the trip together or we wouldn't go. It's not necessary for him to go to Vegas without you. That's my first opinion.

    The 2nd part I put in bold is just wishful thinking. If he is acting that way now what will he be like when baby is there....I would think he'd want MORE time away. I refused to have children with my husband until his partying days were over and if he ever decided he wanted that back then he knows where the door is:growlmad:

    I just read the part about the condom thing also and to be honest if that's the case that he was going to give it to a friend then he should have immediately told you it was in his bag...I wouldn't buy it. :hugs:
     
  12. RaspberryK

    RaspberryK Well-Known Member

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    I don't believe the condom part, sorry! :hugs:

    x
     
  13. tiggerpony

    tiggerpony Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry hun but that condom was for him to use, not one of his friends! It costs £2 to buy a condom in a machine in a toile so why couldn't his friend afford the £2 and buy one himself? I really feel for you :-(.

    Honest go GOD hun - if that was my husband I would of chucked him out instantly - If I found a condom in his bag or wallet or whatever that would be it. I don't give 2nd chances because in my opinion and from experience; once a cheater, always a cheater. I have been a door mat before to my ex and never intend to be one ever again - don't be a door mat hun, get rid of him. xxx
     
  14. gmh

    gmh Well-Known Member

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    it doesnt look good, him having a condom in his bag but, really, what can u do??? u have two options. 1. leave him or 2. stay. if u stay there is no point worrying and stressing about it. treat urself nicely, spoil urself. distract until u are not consumed with this. then see what happens when he gets back.

    personally, i think its important to have time doing our own thing in relationships. have holidays together and apart. have our own hobbies and ones we share. i would go mad if i had to do everything with my partner. u may not like who he is going with but it sounds like they dont see each other often?? they live in different states dont they?? they arnt his regular friends??

    and lastly. i know my partner has been hopeless when it has come to getting ready for our baby. iv had to hassle and hassle, nag and nag him to go through some of his stuff to throw away, to make room for our son. he wasnt doing it, so i had to give him a deadline. do it by the time im 30 weeks or i will and will prob throw away stuff he wants to keep. well he did it today!! some guys just arnt as organised as us. i reckon it changes when our babies are born!!
     
  15. gmh

    gmh Well-Known Member

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    until u have proof give him the benefit of the doubt. thats what i think anyway. maybe its naive?!
     
  16. Newt

    Newt tiny amphibious salamanda

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    you know, i had a similar thing the other month. I was looking for the ipod to listen to music while cooking. DH works in theatre and music so he has it in his jacket sometimes. I found it in his winter coat, but also found an old empty box of viagra. when I confronted him he said he had never seen it before and it must have been planted there by one of his students (he teaches in the local college). I gave him the benefit of the doubt this time. However, if he ws about to take a trip to say vegas or amsterdam (nearer to us lol) and i found a condom i would be up the wall in an instant and would probably kick him out. I am sorry, it just seems too lame an excuse, but then i can also understand the confusion, its such a massive thing really, its all confusing and really upsetting. I would be as lost and clueless as you porobably about what to de for the best. :hugs:
     

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