am i right to be this upset? rant about hubby :(

[princesspie]

Xxx

 

[InvisibleRain]

Awe Hunni, i can relate. But as my OH has told me... it's hard to get involved.. and feel how we're feeling, because they can't! it's not happening to them.. and since they're men they deal with it in such differant ways. It doesn't mean he's not excited, it just means he doesnt really know how to react etc. Once that beautiful baby is here, you'll see him in a differant light.... If it bothers you, Talk to him about.. never leave this sort of thing in the dark hun... and always remember he does care... he's just a sodding male! *hugs*!!!!!

 

[alocin22]

Ah hunni, its true they just dont realise. I had excatly the same and confronted him about it as i was finding it hard to cope with. As Invisiblerain has said they cant feel it and they just dont get excited about the movements like we do. The 1st few times i see my belly moving my OH wasnt about and when i called him baby would stop. Then the 1st time he felt it he had the biggest grin on his face possible. I still feel like he isnt as excited as i expected he would be, but i dont think i would be so excited if i couldnt feel it all the time. Typical men is all i can say. Speak to him, let him know how you feel and get his opinion, dont hold it all inside.

 

[Love3Hope4]

I agree with the other girls....they just can't feel what we do. Except for maybe my poor husband!! I swear he's more pregnant than I am. I keep waiting for him to tell me that HIS baby just kicked!! I'll let you borrow him for the day?

But really, he cares and I bet he is excited (in his own manly way). And sadly for us, these unholy hormones, make us feel this way...like they just don't care. Are you excited??? Sure!! You relish every single flutter!! Big hugs mama!!

 

[MangoCoconut]

Aw hun

Men can take a while to 'connect'. They don't feel the sickness, the quickening, the kicks, the hiccups and they can feel detached from you and the baby because they don't feel as involved. I think you need to tell him how you feel, don't wait for him to suddenly realise why you are upset you know as well as I do, men can be pigheaded sometimes! So spell it out to him and tell him you wish he could feel the kicks! In time he will be as excited as you but in my experience its that first cry and that first cuddle that gets them going. My OH, who has never cried, bawled his eyes out when my DD was given to him! x

 

[Peril]

My husband looked at me like I had two heads when I rather excitedly told him I was feeling movements. He still hasn't acknowledged this or anything. Baby even kicks when hears hubby speak. He wasn't interested in this either. However he does other things to show he is excited, putting christmas tree up on 1st nov. Taking initiative and painting nursery, Everytime I look at what he is browsing on Internet it is baby related ie prams etc. I just take heart from that xxx

 

[MangoCoconut]

Peril thats so sweet. I guess men show their feelings in different ways, we wish theyd be less cryptic and more open but really they are as excited as we are x

 

[Twinminator]

Exact same thing happened to me, DH doesn't want to feel it move, when I tell him she's kicking, it's like I haven't even spoken. He's distant, etc (he's got other stuff going on but to not talk about it...???) Then the crunch came when he snuggled up behind me for the first time in aaaages, and instead of draping his arm over me as he'd normally do, he srunched his arm up unnaturally, and put his hand on my shoulder to avoid touching my tummy. He may as well have slapped me round the face As soon as he dropped off, I slept on the sofa. I was so angry!!!

I texted him at work the next day just to say the way he's been acting feels like he doesn't want this baby. He didn't text back. When he got home I was ready for him to say the worst, but he said he just finds the whole pregnancy process really creepy and alien-like and that once its born and he can see it, he'll be fine. Having read up about it, it's apparently very common.

I'm disappointed he's not taking joy in the process, but at the same time, I now understand why he's just gone quiet, I suppose he thought it'd be more upsetting saying he thought it was wierd and just avoided the topic altogether.

I just joke about it now and he's much more relaxed xxxx

 

[MangoCoconut]

It is very common for men to feel this way. x

 

[meow951]

Hun i think sometimes men just don't show their excitement!

I don't know if you've had any losses before but if you have that could be a reason he's not really excited. Even though baby was fine at my 20 week scan i really don't feel like buying things etc as i keep thinking what if i tempt fate or what's the point in getting my hopes up?

There's that saying, can't remember it exactly but it's something like that a father is a father the moment his child is born but a mother is a mother the moment she finds out she's pregnant.

Perhaps you could have a chat with him?

 

[princesspie]

Zz

 

[Lizzeh]

With us it's more the other way around... I have these moments when I feel really weird because I'm so aware of ...something... in my tummy. Sometimes it's a bit of a creepy thought, to have a life-form sharing your body. But DH is just very normal about it, sometimes rubbing my belly, sometimes he puts his head on it or tries to talk to the baby through my belly ^^" Guess it helps that he's a med student, nothing about the body creeps him out.

 

[smokey01]

Exact same thing happened to me, DH doesn't want to feel it move, when I tell him she's kicking, it's like I haven't even spoken. He's distant, etc (he's got other stuff going on but to not talk about it...???) Then the crunch came when he snuggled up behind me for the first time in aaaages, and instead of draping his arm over me as he'd normally do, he srunched his arm up unnaturally, and put his hand on my shoulder to avoid touching my tummy. He may as well have slapped me round the face As soon as he dropped off, I slept on the sofa. I was so angry!!!QUOTE]

I could have written this myself mine shows zero interest at all but he does come to scans etc but I need him to aknowledge that there is a baby!

 

[pinktigereyes]

mne s exactually the same no intrest what so ever the only intrest he has is his xbox lol hell come to the scans but thats its really i think is hard for them to show emotions. he doesnt really pay much intrest in our daughter just when he wants hell play with her but thats it. he sed hell help out more when this on comes along.

 

[nicole_]

it sounds like i could have written that myself lo
thats how i feel
like he just doesnt care,
no intrest in buying things, never brings it up,

but sometimes in the morning when im half awake i catch him rubbing my tummy for a while
i dont know why he cant show me he cares when im fully conscious lol

 

[elly75]

Hun, sadly a lot of men are like this (as the others will tell you and have been telling you). All I can suggest is that you don't keep your feelings and your emotions bottled up and just talk to him. I'm hoping that things will improve though as the pregnancy progresses and once the little one is born.

Truth be told, my hubby is the opposite of this but I think it may have been due to the fact that when we were expecting our first, we had been trying for so long to have children (with multiple miscarriages before that).

 

[ellieb31]

What a nice thread - it's easy to feel like your on your own with this sort of thing until you find out that lots of other women are having the same problem.

My DH comes and goes with this sort of thing. He's very keen to paint the nursery, make the furniture, test out prams (man type jobs I guess) but he refers to the baby as mine rather than ours and seemed disinterested when baby started kicking hard enough for him to feel it. I picked his hand up and put it on my belly, said did you feel that, he said yes and took his hand away instantly. I could happily feel that kicking for hours!!

All you can do is talk. I told DH that it cheesed me off when he refers to the baby as mine and he had no idea it would bother me. I can't be bothered to bring up the kicking thing because it's not a big deal to me. He's gone off sex and all sorts because he finds it strange that I'm growing this thing in my belly so not enjoying the kicking doesn't surprise me.

All that really matters is how he responds once he actually meets our daughter.