Am i selfish to feel so frightened about this?

[sarahloulou]

Hi guys
I just wanted to post something on here to get your thoughts it's hard to find someone here to talk to about it fully, basically the situation is that my OH is donating a kidney to his brother sometime over the next two months, all the tests have been completeed and he's a match etc. His brother was taken ill very suddenyl with previously undiagnosed kidney disease. The thing is i would never say i dont want him to do i comletely understand why he has to do it and if it was me and my mum, dad or family member i am sure i would do the same, but i am terrified of losing him. I know what the risks are and they are very minimal but i can't help worrying about that VERY small chance that something could go wrong, in the literature it says that you shoulddiscuss all these things and he does know I am worried but i have literally sobbed and sobbed when i'm on my own worrying about it. What it he dies because of the op or aftercare etc? Its a massive operation he says he's not worrying that hes stroing etc which he is but they can't know for sure, no one can and howevere small there is still the possibility that something may go wrong. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant, having twenty week scan tomorrow, is t selfish to want to be just enjoying this time and not having this worry hanging over our heads all the time? So i guess am likely to be about 25 weeks to 30 weeks approx when the surgery is done, and i will then be taking some time off to care for him afterwards. Please just tell me your thoughts i am honestly just scared x

 

[MummytoSummer]

Aw hun, I don't think you're selfish at all. It's so natural to worry about loved ones and as you said it's a massive operation.

But I'm sure he'll be just fine.

What an amazing thing he's going to be doing for his brother. You must be very proud of him.

I'm sure if I was in your situation and it was my husband going to be having the op I'd be just as worried as you are. Plus I'm so much more emotional now I'm pregnant. It's natural to fear the worst out of a situation but the actual chances of that situation occurring are so minimal.

I hope your oh and his brother both recover well after their ops.

X

 

[kali131]

I think it's perfectly normal to feel frightened. Surgery is always a scary thing.

I think it's good that you are educating yourself on the risks. Have you and your husband expressed your fears to his doctor? It may help speaking with the actual surgeon who will be preforming the operation. If you still feel very emotional and wrecked, maybe try some counselling with meditation.

Good luck to you and your hubby and I hope the operation is a complete success and he heals rapidly!

 

[yellowbuttons]

No you're not selfish at all, it's understandablbe how you feel because whilst there is only a very small chance something might go wrong there's still a chance and you obviously don't want anything to happen to your OH, especially when you're looking forward to the rest of your lives together with baby.

But having said that, please remember that the chance IS small! So please don't worry too much. A man at work who is probably MUCH older than your OH has just successfully undergone an op to donate a kidney to his son - your OH is younger and probably in a much better place healthwise for an op like this so if my colleague can get through it safely your OH can too.

My best wishes to your OH for his op and to you and your baby for your 20 week scan tomorrow! x x

 

[Clareybeary]

My friend donated her kidney to her ex-fiance (when they were still together!) and it went fine and she has made a full recovery. I think it is a really noble thing to do and you should be so proud of him. The doctors and surgeons will make sure everything goes well and of course it's normal to be anxious but try not to worry.

 

[sarahloulou]

Thanks everyone, too many thoughts for my little brain at the moment, i should be just thinking about the scan tomorrow and looking forward to finding out sex of our little one x x

 

[shinona]

What a wonderful, selfless thing your man is doing! I bet that you are so proud to be with a man who would do such a thing. He will be a great daddy.

It's totally natural that you are frightened. I can imagine that anyone would feel the same in the situation you are in. I like the suggestion of talking to the doctor to discuss your fears.

I am sure you will find a way to deal with this. Maybe find a friend that you can be totally open with, cry with and who can be with you while your man is going through the procedure. He needs your support so make sure you have someone to support you too (I am sure he will as well but he's going to have a lot on his plate).

xx

 

[munky]

I agree with everyone else, your OH is doing an incredibly brave thing for his brother and you should be very proud of him. But of course it's natural to worry - I worry about my DH all the time if we're apart, even if he's just gone for a quiet drink with a mate! And being pregnant is obviously going to heighten your worry. But the risks, I'm sure, are very small, and your OH and his brother will be in great hands - I'm sure they'll both be fine and you can both look back on what he's done with immense pride. And good luck for tomorrow, enjoy your scan!

 

[Sealgirl]

Good luck for your scan tomorrow! Just think about one thing at a time and seeing baby tomorrow will be amazing. I think you're hubby is doing a fantastic thing, me and my sis are in a similar situation and I have already said if and when she needs a kidney, there is no hesitation for me to donate one of mine to her.

The docs would never let him go ahead unless he was mentally, emotionally and physically in tip top health, and your baby will be so proud of his or her daddy and still have their uncle around to play with, growing up xxx

 

[sarahloulou]

Thank you all, I am immeasurably proud of him and what he's doing for his brother but so scared too, just trying to think positively. My scan is this afternoon! Pink or blue

 

[Sam182]

And just imagine telling your little one how brave their daddy is. What an admirable thing to do

 

[shinona]

I guess blue!!

Good luck with the scan and let us know how you get on.

xx

 

[sarahloulou]

Bite size is....a boy xx

 

[shinona]

Congrats! Just think what a wonderful role model your son is going to have in his daddy!

xx

 

[sarahloulou]

Thank u and yes I know he is going to be a very lucky little boy x

 

[CanadaMom]

awwww, of course you are worried!! it isn't selfish at all, it is completely understandable that you feel that way. That is such an amazing gift he is giving his brother, and now your baby will have a healthy uncle
I work as an operating room nurse, and my "specialty area" happens to be urology. once a week we do kidney donation procedures and it is always amazing seeing this gift being given. the recipient of the kidney is always so thankful and it is so wonderful to see. good luck to him, i will send good thoughts your way

 

[Amethyste]

Hi huney, you are not selfish at all, just a bit scared and we would all be if we were in the same case than you !! Just think that doctors do great things now and they are used to do transplants.Of course there is always a risk but it is the case for pretty much everything. You need to stay positive, i am sure your husband will be fine. Congratulation on your little boy xx

 

[Mindy_mini]

Oh you are not selfish in the slightest. It's perfectly normal to feel this way. Hell, I get panicked that dh is going to get killed everytime he goes on a train.

What your oh is doing is amazing but you have feeling and concerns too and being pregnant kinda reminds us women of our cave girl days - woman make baby man fetch meat - it's only natural to feel this.

Your oh is young fit and they wouldn't operate if he wasn't up to it. Yes it's major surgery (Im not gonna lie to you) but it's also quite "routine" in this day and age.

Talk to your oh about how u totally get why he's doing it but explain the you are still worried about it all
Xxx

 

[xPeacexSellsx]

Oh wow - I totally expected some silly thread after a lot of the things I have seen in here, but I can't imagine how you feel! You hubby is doing an amazing thing and I would be a WRECK if I was you as well! I commend you and him for doing it during this time as well. I will keep you both in my thoughts

 

[sarahloulou]

Thank you everyone still so nervous but I am thinking positive now, my OH is young, does a lot of sport and is strong he has also been through tons of very rigourous testing so they know he's well enough to do it. We will defo have a good tale to tell our little man one day about how daddy helped his uncle xx