am i strong enough???

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by doc123, Oct 5, 2008.

  1. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    Had mc 10th sept twins at 10 weeks... very sad.. and now ttc again after af started 10 days ago...i'm cd11 today and feel like oulation may be on its way...i've work through a lot of stuff and feeling positive about everything so pleased we are ttc..but got fingers crossed it will work..

    But am i strong enough?? How do i know when i'm ready to try again and try to ?? I've worked through wanting twins and know if i do get a bfp it will be a singleton for sure...but i so so so so so want a :bfp: asap ...

    when are you really really ready to ttc again???? is it too soon???
     
  2. cerilou

    cerilou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2008
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Hun

    There's no real answer to this as it really depends on the individual. I decided to wait a month after my 2 mc and although I feel a lot stronger now than I did a month ago, I still have my moments of sheer panic of it happening again.

    My GP did explain that there's no medical evidence to support waiting to ttc, however some people need a bit of time to feel more emotionally stronger.

    Whatever you decide, we will be here to support you.

    Sending you big :hug:
     
  3. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks cerilou!!! I totally know i can biologically- i'm just worried now about what if its bfn (which is more likely to happen i think than bfp this month!) with all the disappointment that will bring...i swither between totally totally positive and pma and worried about how i'll get through it all if its negatives and doesnt work...i guess i wont know unless i try!!!!!!

    How things going for you after yours?? Are you trying again???
     
  4. shelleylu

    shelleylu 3rd Tri - Team Pink!

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2008
    Messages:
    882
    Likes Received:
    0
    So happy you are trying again Doc.

    Its a tough thing to go through. Your body really wants a BFP, but your mind wonders if its the right thing - esp so soon. I am in exactly the same boat as you. I havent had my first af yet since the mc, but I have to admit, we have been bd'ing without using anything.....tut tut....


    I wish you all the best with ttc. It'll happen soon enough Im sure. Fingers crossed for you this month x
     
  5. x_Rainbow_x

    x_Rainbow_x Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    12,041
    Likes Received:
    1
    hunny if you feel ready go for it.. and you are strong enough if i can get threw it *and im a total wimp* then you can.
    but only try when your head is sorted. id love a baby but i no if i try now and get pregnant my brain will explode as i cuddnt take it.

    when your ready go for it. but if your having tests your dr wud have advised u not 2 try. i was told i could try at my own risks.
    i think you said your having tests
     
  6. WelshGirl

    WelshGirl Mummy at last!!

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    865
    Likes Received:
    0
    The question of when you are ready to try again is a very hard one hun.....I had a little boy who was Stillborn in January of this year, so I've been where you are now.

    One thing that influenced our decision of TTC was that we had to wait for post mortem & test results.....so we started trying again 3 months after we lost William. We were lucky enough that I fell pg straight away......

    I think being 100 % honest, there's never a 'right time'....no matter when it happens, you will always be nervous/scared, whether it's 3 months or 3 years down the line....but with support from family, friends, midwives & everyone on here, you WILL be strong enough, and you WILL get through it. It will be hard, but you'll be ok....we'll all be here to help you :hugs:

    pm me if you want to talk about it all some more :hugs:

    xxx
     
  7. carino

    carino mum of 1 ttc #2

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2008
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    I say if you feel ready try again. I had my miscarriage at the end of August and my first :witch: arrived 21st September(27 days after). We were told two different things about trying again,midwife was all go for it don't wait....but epu in hospital said to wait!! I took midwife's advice...we were just leaving it to what will be will be. So :witch: turned up and we are just going to see how it goes from now on!! Just hope she keeps away for us!!!
    I think I'm more ready than OH really...not obsessing but really want a :bfp: sooner rather than later! He is really concerned about putting me through it all again bless him....I think I'm made of stronger stuff!!!!
     
  8. cerilou

    cerilou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2008
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi

    Yes, you can and that has to count for something. It really keeps me going! It's still very raw for you right now and the thought of having a :bfn: might seem terrible to you and who can blame you cos you just want to have a baby.

    We all have these moments of clarity and think what will be, will be but I totally agree with you - I scare myself sometimes with all the negative thoughts I have.

    :witch: arrived on Saturday and was a huge relief as I didn't know how messed up my cycle might be. It's not been pleasant either so I am really glad I waited before trying again as I think perhaps my lining needed a clear out - sorry TMI!

    But once she's packed her bags, we are back to ttc again.

    So whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for you. It's such a personal choice.

    If you want to pm me, feel free.

    :hug:
     
  9. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks girls- i guess we are all aware there is no easy answer and no right time.. its a case of wait and see to see what happens... i know theres loads of different advice out there.. my consultant said wait one cycle and had af 12 days ago now so we are going to go for it.. but have a sneaky idea that this cycle will be anovulatory anyway..had dodgy brown discharge (sorry if tmi) and i guess that this means its maybe not meant to happen just yet.. i've got pcos so i;ve not faith my ovaries will do their thing!!!!

    PMA is the way forward.....saw my acupuncturist and she feels it should be ok... she feels my meridians and energy is really very well balanced considering the mc which is positive and shes tried to unblock the meridians which affect ovulation to see if the ovaries get kickstarted. And shes positive for the prospect of twins.. though i'm less than confident i can get pregnant again in some ways with just one!!!!Here's hoping...
     
  10. WelshGirl

    WelshGirl Mummy at last!!

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    865
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think there is a lot to be said for having a positive & relaxed attitude whilst TTC........I only have one ovary, so technically, it should have been difficult for us to concieve. We just took the attitude of 'It'll happen when it's meant to', and Bingo! It happened.

    When you do fall pg, we'll all be here for you. If you feel ready to TTC now, then go ahead....you are the only one who knows. As I said, we will all be here for you to support you along the way....

    xxx
     
  11. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    welshgirl you are totally right.. but its so hard isnt it ttc and not really trying, you know!!! if only our bodies could be in sync with our minds and the other way round too....I think its a no go this month though as had so much brown discharge now..

    two of you in this thread have had stillbirths- i think mcs are bad enough- i really take my hat off to you either ttc or having concieved again after stillbirth. You truly are strong and amazing women.....It makes my experiences feel really trivial.. i wish you both luck for babies and healthy happy circumstances this time round....and thank you for support too.....
     
  12. cerilou

    cerilou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2008
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with you. I think of all the ladies on BNB who have been through absolute hell and it puts my issues into perspective.

    Let's have some PMA and enjoy ttc.

    :hug:
     
  13. Logiebear

    Logiebear Mum to 4 darlings

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,521
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know what you mean hun, the ladies who have been through still births I feel are so much braver than me but don't let it trivialise how you feel. I agree that in this life there is always some one worse off than you but those feelings inside don't change and how they affect you are different. At any given time your feelings are what matter to you as they affect your entire life. Everyone is the same. I suffered 2 loses this year and then have gone on to be 15 weeks pregnant now but I miss those babies with all of my heart. My first baby was due last month and my second was due in November. I decided that the idea of not being pregnant was worse than getting a bfn but I have been lucky enough to conceive quite quickly this year. It hasn't always been that way for me but this year has been good and so so so bad.
    My husband and I have had the "if it happens it happens" attitude each time this year and we have been lucky. I hope your time comes soon and when you are ready hun xxx :hugs:
     
  14. WelshGirl

    WelshGirl Mummy at last!!

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    865
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh hun......:hugs:

    Please don't let it make you feel like that.....your m/c is NOT trivial......a loss of any kind is devastating. I have never had a m/c, so I don't know how you feel.....but as I said, any kind of loss hurts no matter at what stage it happens.
    Lots of people tell me how strong they think I am......I'm not....not really. I spend almost every moment that I'm awake worrying & panicing about this baby. And when you concieve again, I'm sure you will feel the same.....but we do it because the end result will have made all the worry worth it. We do it, because we desperately want a baby to bring home.

    When the time comes hun, you WILL be strong enough.....you'll have bad days, but you will get through it.

    xxx
     
  15. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    guys i think i wrote it wrong.. i didnt mean trivial but just almost more bearable because i never felt my children kick or move or anything and in that way the way i miss them i think has a different quality to it compared to stillbirth. I know i'll always feel a certain sadness around the mcs and miss them but in a more abstracted type of way as a grief of what might have been far off, than if i had given birth to a child which i feel has a more real tangible physical missing of that person with the grief. I think there are differences but the hurt is kinda the same. I guess those thoughts are just my own personal spin on it as i see it- no offense to anyone.
     
  16. WelshGirl

    WelshGirl Mummy at last!!

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    865
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't think anyone was offended hunni, we just didn't want you feeling like your loss was 'nothing'....does that make sense?
    You certainly didn't offend me xxxx
     
  17. chrissie33

    chrissie33 Mummy to two monkeys

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2008
    Messages:
    4,995
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Doc, I understand your feelings on ttc - I have had AF now after mc last month but before it arrived, each time DH suggests bd'ing, I seemed to find an excuse not to..... not going to help me get the bfp.... but I think it was my body and mind telling me that I didnt want to risk getting bfp before AF.... I think we are going to see how it goes, part of me is excited to try but another part of me apprehensive and wondering if I should wait till I see consultant when I finally get an appointment.... EPAU told me no reason to wait as did GP so think we will just see what happens..... good luck hun xx
     
  18. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    0
    well got a positive on opk today so will be ttc now.. and i am feeling positive about it.. hope for the best and we will see if we get a bfp soon.....xxxxx
     
  19. tillymum

    tillymum New mom

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,100
    Likes Received:
    0
    Best of luck and fingers crossed for you - and have fun!!! xx
     
  20. honeybunch2k7

    honeybunch2k7 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    985
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sorry for your losses, doc123.

    Its hard to know, but I had to ask myself I question- At this moment do I want a baby so bad that I'll risk another loss??? I answered yes.
     

Share This Page