Am I too young to want/have a baby?

[abmay94]

Hello! I'm very new to this so I'm not quite sure how it works at the moment! Haha
I would just love some of your opinions. I'm 19, 20 in December. I have always wanted a baby, my goal in life is to always be a mum and I honestly cannot wait for the day I have a baby. I'm financially stable, I'm mature enough, I pretty much helped my mum raise twins..
I am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend who is 20, we have been together over a year and we live together. I have never felt so strongly about wanting a baby. I'm sure I think about it everyday! I would just love other people's opinions on this, and would love to meet new people and speak to others on here thanks

 

[cookette]

I think only you can truly answer that. Do you want to go to college? Have a career? Travel? You can do these things with a baby too of course, but its MUCH harder. And babies are costly.

For me, at 20, I thought I had it all together like you. And then at 25. I realized just how very wrong I was. If there is no rush, I would wait. But again, everyone is an individual

 

[abmay94]

I work full time at the moment and could easily go back to work once I'm ready so I don't think that's an issue

 

[Leids]

Definitely depends on the person. My OH and I decided to have a baby when I was 23, I got pregnant at 24 and now 3 years later I have 2 kiddo's. We're in a great place financially and have a nice home etc. but at the time we weren't doing too hot. I had a full time job but got laid off 3 months after getting pregnant and my now husband had just graduated from college and had a subpar job. Things can change so quickly!

I wouldn't trade my kids for the world but I do wish I had waited. Waited to get married, until we were better off financially, until we had a home, maybe do some more 'fun' things that are difficult to do with kids. My husband feels the same way and wish we had waited a bit, but of course we adore our kids and can't imagine our lives without them now.

 

[upsy daisy1]

if you are financially stable and in a stable relationship i dont think any age is too young.to me it depends on the person and their maturity. anything you want to achieve in life can be achieved with a child or after but like said before it is much harder.

from personal experience i had my daughter when i was 21. i was 20 when i got pregnant but it wasnt planned. i had been with my partner( now husband ) for 4 years. when i found out i was pregnant i was very scared.. id always wanted a child but when it happened it was scary. but i wouldnt change a thing and i know i have been the best mum i could be even though i was young. im now 25, working full time, married with a house and trying for baby number two.

if you want to have a baby and you are sure you have achieved what you wanted so far in life and you have a stable home life to bring the child into then go for it. everyone will have their opinions but like i said age is just a number and does not justify the mother you will be x

 

[abmay94]

Thanks a lot for your replies people's opinions mean a lot to me! I really can't wait for the day I find out I'm pregnant, I think about becoming pregnant every day! No matter how hard it is, I know it'd be totally worth it in the end x

 

[Girly922]

It really is dependent on the couple. At 19/20 I had been with OH a year but we were still at uni, still out most nights, and really making the most out of being freshers. Once we graduated, we calmed down a lot. We moved in with family to save for a deposit, we both have good careers, and managed to buy our first home after only a year. I was just about to turn 23, and we started ttc straight away.

For us, it's been perfect. We wouldn't have coped having kids that much younger. But we're not every couple. My brother and SIL fell pregnant at 18 and 17 respectively, after being together 10 months. They are amazing parents, and 16 years later, they now have 3 kids. They had a few struggles, but they're so strong.

In my eyes, it's more about how stable your relationship is rather than just age. And only you can really judge that.

Have a think if there's anything you desperately want to do before becoming parents, and any doubts either of you have. Sit down and have a long discussion together, the two of you are the only people who can answer your question.

 

[Mintastic]

Not too young. If you really are stable - go for it! I regret waiting as long as I did.
Is your boyfriend on board?

 

[ja14]

I'm your age, 20. I think about being pregnant all the time as well, and would love to be pregnant. However, I know we aren't ready. Before that happens, I would love to be better off financially, and move into a house. (we currently rent an apartment) I also have a year left of school, and then I'd like to do a short tech program to get a slightly better job. I have some smaller things I'd like to get done before becoming pregnant, but once the bigger things happen I don't think anything else will really hold me back.

Therefore, I think if you're financially stable and you personally feel like there's nothing to be done before baby, then go for it! I honestly don't believe being a mom has anything to do with age! You may get negativity from others, but it will not effect the mother you are to your child as long as you can provide!

 

[Pearls18]

Definitely not too young to want a baby, you are biologically designed to be broody, you are of child bearing age so it is very natural. For me it's not so much the age but the length of the relationship (mixed with age as well I guess) life is short and relationships change after children, I would enjoy the time you have with your OH, it'll make you stronger to withstand the turbulence of children and be fun having more time together in the mean time.

I was a young mum at 22, I had been to uni and been with my husband 5 years and we were engaged, it wasn't planned ideally it would have been a few years later, I have no regrets and everything has worked out well, but it would have been nice to have more time with hubby to have more holidays, be selfish and also get some career stuff done first. I think there is a big difference between 20 and 25. But it's all subjective of course, but I think people put too much emphasis on age and finances forgetting to look at what I think is the most important thing, the relationship.

 

[spicyorange]

I think it's very patronising to say your to young but you can't go back so make sure your partner is fully on board and do anything you're always wanted (like travel) first. If your both ready then go for it, just don't rush

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I think its more a question of the relationship, is he ready? Sounds as though you yourself will make a great mum, and personally i believe some of us where made for it and dont miss not having a career as long as you can count on oh to support you.

I had my first (planned) at 20 years old and have never once regretted it, our relationship however didnt last and although we are very amicable and he is a loving dad to our son, i am now married to someone else and have two more boys, im now 27 x

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I was pregnant at 18 and I'd only been with my OH for little over a year.

Personally I don't think I was quite 'ready' to be a mum, not in the sense of being a good parent but on a personal level. I love my little family and I'm very glad we are young parents but having to achieve other things like saving and buying a house, getting married, me doing my degree and working on a career has been more stressful with a child in tow. I also do wish in a big way that me and my DH had more years of it being just the 2 of us, that was something I really took for granted and would loved the chance for more holidays together and so on.

However it's up to.you as to when you feel ready enough (and your oh of course!) I would just think carefully and consider money, future goals and so on

 

[Pearls18]

I was pregnant at 18 and I'd only been with my OH for little over a year.

Personally I don't think I was quite 'ready' to be a mum, not in the sense of being a good parent but on a personal level. I love my little family and I'm very glad we are young parents but having to achieve other things like saving and buying a house, getting married, me doing my degree and working on a career has been more stressful with a child in tow. I also do wish in a big way that me and my DH had more years of it being just the 2 of us, that was something I really took for granted and would loved the chance for more holidays together and so on.

However it's up to.you as to when you feel ready enough (and your oh of course!) I would just think carefully and consider money, future goals and so on

I know what you mean, I don't think my boys have lost out at all, I think I am just as good a mum now as I would be in 5 years time the boys want for nothing, the only person who has had to make sacrifices is myself (well and hubby of course) so when I say I think it's better to wait I usually mean because I think it is better for the parents, to be a little more prepared on many levels, lived a bit more, rather than for the good of the children you know? Unless of course the parents' situation is so bad the children would be less off due to finances etc, but that doesn't sound like the case here

 

[KalonKiki]

I think that age is just a number, but there are a lot of other factors to consider before having a baby.

When I fell pregnant with my DS (he was a "wonderful whoops") I had only just turned 21 about 3 months prior (DF had just turned 27 about 2 months prior) and DF and I had only been together for about 7 months. We were already engaged though and made plans to get married September 14, 2013 and our venue deposit was already paid and my dress deposit was also already paid. We were also WTT until at least after our wedding, if not June 2014. We had to cancel our wedding when we found out because I did not want to go down the aisle at 9 months pregnant. We were also not as financially stable as we wanted to be. Things have been rough for us so far and we're just starting to get on the mend.

Our beautiful DS is 9 months old now, we're moving into a 3 bedroom house (it's only a rental, but still a big step up from our 2 bedroom apartment), DF is getting a better job, and I've chosen a career path that I want to pursue and will most likely start classes in August/September 2015. We are also getting married June 6, 2015 and WTT #2 until June 2015, September 2015, or June 2016. As much as I love and adore my DS and feel so lucky and blessed to have him, a part of me wishes that we had been able to wait. If we had then we would be married, financially stable, and we'd either be pregnant, have a newborn, or we'd be TTC right now. Life works in mysterious ways though and you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt.

Given the choice though, I probably would have waited. As I said before, I LOVE my DS, I can't imagine life without him now that he's here. However, our lives would have probably been a lot easier and going the direction that we want it to a lot sooner if we hadn't had the "oops" that caused his existence.

So really you just need to ask yourself what goals you have in mind. Do you want to be married first? Do you want to have a degree? A career? A house? How much money do you want to have saved before you start trying? If none of those things matter to you more than having a baby, as long as you have the means to raise one then you're free to start trying whenever you want as long as your boyfriend is on board.

 

[MrsHudson]

I think only you can truly answer that. Do you want to go to college? Have a career? Travel? You can do these things with a baby too of course, but its MUCH harder. And babies are costly.

For me, at 20, I thought I had it all together like you. And then at 25. I realized just how very wrong I was. If there is no rush, I would wait. But again, everyone is an individual

Couldn't have said it better myself. When I was 20 me and my DH had been together two years and had just moved in together. I had wanted a baby at the time and so did he but my gut told me no. So we didn't. Now that I'm 25 I see how immature and selfish I was then and it would've been a rude awakening.

Like others have said, everyone is different and if you feel you have a very stable life and can do it, then by all means go for it. Make sure you are ready to make some sacrifices.

 

[xLeeBeex]

I joined BnB when in 2010 when I was twenty. At the time, I was baby crazy, thinking about starting a family and being pregnant all the time! I was still at uni, and we were living in a one bedroom flat. But I thought, yeah it'd be fine, we'd cope etc.... But my sensible OH was so good, he put up with me blubbering my eyes out cos I wanted a baby. He made me wait, he knew this wasn't the order I wanted to do it in, it was just my hormones taking over. And at times it did cause a bit of a strain on my relationship. I'd always said that I wanted to own a house, and have a good job etc.

As I said, at the time I was at uni. My job was as a cleaner part time in the evenings, and the OH was paying off loans etc.

4 years down the line, I'm still waiting. We now live in a lovely two bed house, I've left uni and am now a contract manager earning a really good wage. Next month we will have paid off the OH's final loan. And we'll have a deposit to buy our own house by May next year. In the last four years we've been on around 8 amazing holidays (just this year we've been to Mexico and lanzarote, which we're going back to in September), and we've got another two in the pipeline for next year.

I'm so glad we waited. Our relationship is the strongest it's ever been, and life is good. By the time we start our family I'll be 25/26, OH will be 36 and we'll have been together around 9ish years. We'll be giving our LO the best possible start that we could. And that's all I ever wanted.

Sit down and really think about it, enjoy your time with your OH, and work on building a fantastic relationship. As strong and together as you can be.

But as other posters have said, it's completely up to you and depends on you and your situation.

Hope my little bit of waffle helped!

 

[spicyorange]

xleebeex your story is almost exactly mine!

 

[smallbliss]

Only you can decide when you are ready, everyone is different!
Hubby and I were 19 when we welcomed our first child, we were financially stable and our relationship was strong. It was hard at time but I got through dental assistant school as a mother than worked full time while expecting our second than hubby made enough that I was able to stay home full time and we welcomed two more children..........I wouldn't change a thing!


Good luck!

 

[calliebaby]

Honestly, i think if you have to ask if you are too young, you probably are. Not trying to sound harsh, just honest.