basically I just feel like i havent really enjoyed being a mummy to Ellie, she is a great baby but its the whole senario, she spent 7 weeks in NICU after a long stressful pregnancy and a section that went wrong. Then she was in and out of hospital for months after that, then we thought all was going well til we were told that she would need her spica cast and now she is in it we cant do normal things you do with a baby, like a bath, just a simple bath we cant do she loved her baths aswell!!
Also just all the health problems that she has means constant dr or hospital appointments, Ellie herself is a happy content little baby and we love her and her sister very much but I just dont fell like we have had time to enjoy our baby properly
You've been through the mill - of course it's not wrong to feel like you do. You love Ellie - that's all that matters.
I can't say, hand on heart, that I enjoy the early mornings, the endless washing and sterilising of bottles, the lack of 'me' time and the lack of freedom that comes with being a mum and that's with a baby that's pretty easy to care for. Nobody enjoys every aspect of it, and you've had a lot more to deal with than most mums - I'm sure there'll be more enjoyment as she grows up.
I think you're perfectly entitled to feel that way hun, you've had a tough journey. NICU is hard, I've recently done it with my 32 weeker Also a special needs child is a different challenge. My son has a genetic condition involving dwarfism and weak bones so we've done broken bones, nothing worse than when your LO wants a bath but cant It will get easier hun.
aw dont feel you need to say anything but thanks for replying
I think that im just still getting used to the cast and I will be fine in a week or so, the girls are our world and we wouldn change them or there health issues as thats our girls but its just so bloody hard sometimes
Whoops, I too hate early mornings lol its so hard getting up!!!!
You're not wrong to feel like this, this is my first baby and due to fertility problems, most probably my last. One thing I have learned besides a whole tonne of patience(!) is that any feeling goes when you have a LO, some days are good and some are bad, but you love your girl, anyone can see that, I had a tough time trying for our boy and a crappy pregnancy and I feel like I *should* be so happy all the time but I'm not as some days it's hard to enjoy him because I'm tired or whatnot, never mind all the stuff you've gone through too, I'm sure as things get easier, you'll enjoy your time more and more, just think of all the exciting developments to come... First words, first haircut, first day at school... Keep focussing on the future, you have your whole lives together, hope this helps xxx
I think you're perfectly entitled to feel that way hun, you've had a tough journey. NICU is hard, I've recently done it with my 32 weeker Also a special needs child is a different challenge. My son has a genetic condition involving dwarfism and weak bones so we've done broken bones, nothing worse than when your LO wants a bath but cant It will get easier hun.
Im sorry. She is purely a gorgeous baby in your avatar.
God (or the universe, which ever you believe in) gives us what we can handle. It was beleived that you could handle the care this little girl needs/ed. I beleive that this was meant to be the way, and you will enjoy your baby. It just happens this is all so new to you and so not what you expected. Just know, you are strong to be going though all this and she knows she is loved and I know you love your baby. There really is no *proper* way to enjoy your baby but just know it will all be well.
You're not wrong to feel like this, this is my first baby and due to fertility problems, most probably my last. One thing I have learned besides a whole tonne of patience(!) is that any feeling goes when you have a LO, some days are good and some are bad, but you love your girl, anyone can see that, I had a tough time trying for our boy and a crappy pregnancy and I feel like I *should* be so happy all the time but I'm not as some days it's hard to enjoy him because I'm tired or whatnot, never mind all the stuff you've gone through too, I'm sure as things get easier, you'll enjoy your time more and more, just think of all the exciting developments to come... First words, first haircut, first day at school... Keep focussing on the future, you have your whole lives together, hope this helps xxx
aw thanks, funny enough when she cries she say mummumumumumumumum lol its too cute but saying it when she cries lol come on Ellie.
aw my friend had fertility probs til she had her 1st, she tried for almost 4 years, she is on her 5th pregnancy lol the dr said that her body must have realised what it was supposed to do and done it another 4 times xx
You are not "wrong" to feel like that at all..... My LO has long term health problems (different to your daughters though), so I sort of know how you feel?
I would really recommend starting a diary. I started one from when LO was in PICU and still carry it on now - even just jotting down little bits has helped me realise LO's life isn't all about hospital apps, tests, ops etc! Just little notes about how I feel and whats going on in life. When I get a spare 5 mins I have a little flick through and in some ways it's nice to see how far we've come
Also, have a read of this poem and see if you can relate to it (it helped me to know I am not alone!)
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Im sorry. She is purely a gorgeous baby in your avatar.
God (or the universe, which ever you believe in) gives us what we can handle. It was beleived that you could handle the care this little girl needs/ed. I beleive that this was meant to be the way, and you will enjoy your baby. It just happens this is all so new to you and so not what you expected. Just know, you are strong to be going though all this and she knows she is loved and I know you love your baby. There really is no *proper* way to enjoy your baby but just know it will all be well.
You are not "wrong" to feel like that at all..... My LO has long term health problems (different to your daughters though), so I sort of know how you feel?
I would really recommend starting a diary. I started one from when LO was in PICU and still carry it on now - even just jotting down little bits has helped me realise LO's life isn't all about hospital apps, tests, ops etc! Just little notes about how I feel and whats going on in life. When I get a spare 5 mins I have a little flick through and in some ways it's nice to see how far we've come
Also, have a read of this poem and see if you can relate to it (it helped me to know I am not alone!)
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
this is a great great great idea im going to do it!!!! hope your LO health problems arent too serious, sometimes you just feel like your the only one!!!! x
You are not "wrong" to feel like that at all..... My LO has long term health problems (different to your daughters though), so I sort of know how you feel?
I would really recommend starting a diary. I started one from when LO was in PICU and still carry it on now - even just jotting down little bits has helped me realise LO's life isn't all about hospital apps, tests, ops etc! Just little notes about how I feel and whats going on in life. When I get a spare 5 mins I have a little flick through and in some ways it's nice to see how far we've come
Also, have a read of this poem and see if you can relate to it (it helped me to know I am not alone!)
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
this is a great great great idea im going to do it!!!! hope your LO health problems arent too serious, sometimes you just feel like your the only one!!!! x
My LO has a rare combination of serious heart defects, but I love her all the same! It can be hard work, and yes, I do feel so alone sometimes but seriously a diary works wonders! Me and OH share a diary, so he can read how I feel and vice versa, as it's not always easy to tell each other face to face (we don't like to put worries on each other!) I also write little notes to LO for when she's older and I've also popped some photos in too!
I think you're perfectly entitled to feel that way hun, you've had a tough journey. NICU is hard, I've recently done it with my 32 weeker Also a special needs child is a different challenge. My son has a genetic condition involving dwarfism and weak bones so we've done broken bones, nothing worse than when your LO wants a bath but cant It will get easier hun.
She's out yeah, still really little but doing well She's the 4th one I've had in NICU and it doesnt get easier but you get through it I guess.
Not being able to do the bath is the hardest, when he broke his leg at 19m, he was just learning to walk and had to learn to do it with the cast then again after it was off but my goodness we got a million times more tantrums because he wanted a bath!
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It will get easier hun.
xxx
She's the 4th one I've had in NICU and it doesnt get easier but you get through it I guess.
