Am now 20 :) wtt in march, still worried to tell parents when I get bfp!!

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by Jade1234, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. Jade1234

    Jade1234 Active Member

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    I turned 20 yesterday so I feel I am now a bit more older to not have parents moan when I tell them I am preg lol !
     
  2. shantay

    shantay Well-Known Member

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    Happy Belated Birthday!!
    I know how you feel, i'm 19 & my parents wouldn't accept me being
    pregnant anytime soon. I guess they still see me as their baby :dohh:

    I noticed you're wtt in march. I am too :D well in 2013.
    I'm planning on having a christmas baby (hopefully)
     
  3. Pearls18

    Pearls18 Well-Known Member

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    In my eyes that is still very young. From a parent's perspective if DS was making me a Grandma when he was 20 I wouldn't be best pleased lol. Lots of people talk about age vs maturity which is obviously very important and only you know how mature you are (but remember we all think we knew everything at 16 lol) for me it's more about the relationship, a long, steady (preferably married IMO) relationship especially at 20 because how many people are with the same people they were with when they were 20, financially- if both of you are in steady jobs you both enjoy, particularly you as it is harder to establish a career as a mother, and having a nice home together suitable for a child. If you had all those things I think parents would be more relaxed, but IMO it is too young to contemplate TTC so I would understand parents not being supportive, young mothers can be fantastic mothers (I was 22) when the situation is put upon them, but to deliberately contemplate it is a different thing....It's so important to have family on your side, so please think about things first and how you are going to discuss the topic with them :flower:
     
  4. Mom2mmcjg

    Mom2mmcjg Mother of 5 boys 3 losses

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    I got married at 18, once I was married my parents were totally ready for grandchildren. I think I'll be the same way (although my oldest son is only 14, so I can't say for sure). If you have a good marriage, then go for it! Children are the next step (most times) in a healthy marriage. But I would NOT be happy if my children had a baby out of wedlock at any age! That's just me.
     
  5. Quackquack99

    Quackquack99 Well-Known Member

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    I ttc at 20. But it all depends on maturity 2bh. I've been financially independant since I was 18 so I grew up a lot quicker than most. Only you can make a decision if you are ready well aslong as you both are financially stable. I can't really comment on the parent issue, I don't think my parents even know I've had a baby lol.
     
  6. bornthiswayxo

    bornthiswayxo Well-Known Member

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    I agree with some others; my opinion on trying has changed a lot for me and I believe it is best to first evaluate why your parents would be annoyed/upset/or whatever other emotion you feel they may feel. Obviously, parents don't ALWAYS know best, but I'm nearly 20 myself and tbh I don't feel too ready for a baby yet - hence why I'm waiting a handful more years I think. Thing is, I set dates soon or late and change them constantly... i'm just playing it by ear for now.

    I do believe age doesn't make or break a parent, however I also feel it can SOMETIMES be an influence on many things. Whatever you do, I wish you luck xo
     
  7. Kerrib1

    Kerrib1 Member

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    I am 21 in a few weeks and me and my partner are TTC and im nervous about telling them if and when i do. its nerve racking i know but i think you have to become more open with your parents for them to accept them as an adult now. you will always be there baby but they will like it that you are ready to become an adult. :) hope the advice helps u out :) xxxx
     
  8. vmcsherry

    vmcsherry preggo mama of 1

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    Hi there!

    There is nothing wrong with TTC as long as you have the funds to support the baby and arent relying on your parents to take care of him/her. In my opinion 19 is very young to try and start a family. A friend of mine had her son at 18 and although she loves the wee man to death, she regrets not waiting until she was older. Maybe there is a reason why your parents wouldnt agree with it? Are you in a stable relationship? Do you have your own home/apartment?
     
  9. vmcsherry

    vmcsherry preggo mama of 1

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    Woops! Just saw that your 20! Apologies :flower:
     
  10. lilyanne

    lilyanne Mom & Pregnant with #2

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    ^ wss
     
  11. Kerrib1

    Kerrib1 Member

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    I am in a steady relationship have been with my partner for just over 2 years. i work and my own house. i couldnt be more than ready. its all about maturity i think. people are ready at very different times in there life, i believe that now i am ready :),
    xx
     
  12. Kiki1993

    Kiki1993 Well-Known Member

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    I strongly believe maturity matters more than age! A girl in my college class was 24 and she was no where NEAR ready for kids, she lives with her parents, goes out every weekend and every thursday, she keeps changing her college course because she has no idea what she wants, she can't keep a relationship for more than one night and all her money from her part time job funds her going out. Whereas i'm only 18 and know what i want to be, am in a serious relationship, planning our wedding, saving money for moving out before the wedding and only go out when I have the money and want to hang with friends. OH is also emotinally ready and come next year we should be financially okay but we are waiting to be married too :thumbup:
    So clearly if I was to get pregnant next year we would be great whereas the older girl wouldn't really be ready so this is evidence that age does not matter, maturity does :thumbup:
     
  13. Kerrib1

    Kerrib1 Member

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    very mature young lady here. i know im only 3 years older than you but i can see that u have your head screwed on. :) nice to see a girl like it xx
     
  14. nlk

    nlk Pregnant! #1

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    i agree with what a lot of the ladies are saying on here. even though you're stable/mature etc, its important to remember that youre essentially giving up your life indefinitely to look after a child. after two years together, i know that me and my OH wouldnt have been ready to have a child, even though we discusssed it and i said that i was already really broody. are you living together? are you both in good, stable jobs that you enjoy?

    even after 4 years together, me and my OH are only just ready to give up 'our' life to have a baby. as i said, im 20 like you, and i dont want you to think that im being hypocritical by asking you if youre ready when im going to be trying relatively soon. but i think its important to be able to enjoy each other first. and the main reason i have weighed up my options is because i have PCOS, meaning it might be difficult for me to conceive, but i have also have a more limited window to conceive, with risk of having early menopause. so if i leave it much longer, it may no longer be a possibility.

    however, if you genuinely believe that you have done everything you want to in life, and everything is in order, then go for it. just know that you are the best person you can be to raise a child. sorry for the long reply! x
     
  15. Mrs Eleflump

    Mrs Eleflump Guest

    Just for a slightly different perspective, I'm 30, been with my husband 8 years, married 15 months, we both have a good education and stable jobs we enjoy, and own our home...and I STILL reckon my parents will freak out when I tell them we're expecting! Despite having ticked off pretty much all of the pre-baby 'I am a proper grown-up' list :)haha:), they still see me as their baby. It wasn't seeing me go up onto the stage to get my PhD four years ago that told them I was a woman, not a child, it was seeing me in my wedding dress last summer. Even now I'm not entirely convinced they don't think I'm still six years old!

    What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it doesn't matter how mature you are, how old you are, how sorted you have your life...it's hard for your parents to see you all grown up. I suppose we'll all understand this in the years to come!

    I would agree with what previous posters have said, though, age alone is not enough, you have to be sure that you've got to where you want to be before having a child, even if that means living with being crazy broody for several years. Once you've got there, even if your folks do freak out, it isn't their problem, because you will be able to provide all the care and attention that your children need, and will only need to call on your parents for the odd bit of advice, and to let them spoil their grandkids ;)
     
  16. milf2be

    milf2be Guest

    hey just wanted to share my experience. Im now 21, i fell pregnant when i was 20 (my perfect little accident) and my little man is now nearly 4 months old. i love my little boy to bits, hes happy, smiles and giggles all the time and meets all his mile stones (so far) early. he really is a lovely little baby and such a little star, BUT even with a baby like him, its bloody hard. i very rarely get to spend a day with just my OH anymore, it puts a lot of stress on your relationship, especially when you are not getting any sleep. as much as i love LO, i sometimes think of all the things me and OH never got the chance to do and it does make me sad sometimes. i think what im trying to say, is enjoy time with your OH first, make sure you have an amazing relationship, reliable and honest. theres plenty of time to have kids, you're only young. make sure you go do all those things you want to do alone together first, because you might not get chance to after. make sure you have a stable home and job, fine out what you are entitled to regards maternity leave and how much time you can afford to take off, decide what you will do about childcare and if you can afford it or if you want to be a SAHM, make sure you have lots of support around you from friends and family. just make sure you are as prepared as you can be, the more prepared you are the easier it will be. dont make life difficult for yourself by jumping in too early :)

    (im not picking on you or saying you are too young btw, i would actually say that to a wannabe mum of any age, its just my advice :))
     
  17. k.mcmahan2010

    k.mcmahan2010 WTT #1

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    I'm 19, 20 in March. DH is 26 :haha: I have been with DH since I was 15. We got married July of 2010. I finish my first degree in May 2012, and will work on my next degree online and hopefully finish a couple years after that. My mom is constantly bugging me, asking when we are gonna make her a grandma again (my older sister already has 3 kids). Lol she can't wait! (now I just have to convince DH...he thinks we don't have the time or the money...which really isn't true, but that's a whole different story.)

    Happy Belated Birthday and good luck when you do TTC :flower:
     

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