Anger issues with a 4 yr old

[hypnorm]

Ewan is at school - for the first half term has on half days but since half term has been full time.
Never an issue getting him to go to school he seems to love it.

Over the past couple of months we have had afew major changes for him to deal with 1, his dads work van caught fire (him and his dad used to go out in it so Ewan loved it) 2, We have had to sell our Jeep as it was costing too much 3, Our boat caught fire and is a total loss (we spent most weekends there in the summer) We took him to see the boat which we now think may not have been a good idea, but we didnt know how to explaint to him that the boat had just vanished.

He keeps remembering things that were in the van or on the boat, and he lost afew toys that he loved.
Since all this he has become very short tempered, grumpy and wingey.
We spoke to the school last week and they said it could be the weather and time of year etc. and that he had flipped out earlier in the day cos he couldnt get his socks on!

Today the teacher saw me and said they had had more issues with a short fuse, including him telling the teacher he hates her, and telling teachers he doesnt want to do the work, obviously they wont tolerate being spoke to like that. and i have notice that he has been saying to me i dont like you. which he never did untill he started school

He is the youngest in the class, but also the biggest in size which doesnt help!

Its all a bit out of character and dont know how to help him, or resolves the anger, he is usually quite happy.

 

[leeanne]

Could be all the changes that have taken place and the association with the things he loved to do. He's starting to truly feel the sense of loss and perhaps taking it out in another outlet...anger.

Part of it could be a stage he is going through as well. Even the most sweetest kids can change to a bit of a devil sometimes.

Perhaps talk to him outside of the house...take him out for an ice cream or something...and see what's on his mind.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hi, Is he an august baby? I find it so hard for the younger ones, My son is 5 and he is august 13th birthday. He has just started year one. He has mild autism but he goes mainstrem.

Have you heard of social storys? Maybe mention it to his teacher?

My son aslo has an additional 10mins in morning and afternoon to have a bit of free time and let off some energy outside.

Not much help but didnt want to read and run x

 

[hypnorm]

yeh he is aug 22nd, so is the youngest but it actually the tallest in class.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

aw bless him.

I would speak to educational psychologist. They can work with you and the school to get things running smoothly again x

 

[hypnorm]

i would probably have to go to the doctor to get access to something like that, and the school havent indicated yet that it is a huge problem.
Found some of the social stories and might try those with him, i think he might also be getting picked on by some of the other kids as he said to me ' all the kids try to 'get me' in the playground, and i don't like it.'so not quite sure what is going on there.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

oh thats a shame about the other children definitly talking to whoever supervises at lunchtime etc.

I think if you ask the head teacher you can request an appt with the educational phyc. There is normally one or 2 per area. They can help with differnet things and sort of liase between school/parents so you all feel satisfied about how school is dealing with the situation.
Hope social storys work x

 

[Amanda]

Aww hun, I'm dreading this next year. Charlie is Aug 31st, so will be the youngest too. I'm sure he's also be the smallest so I'm really worried about him.

I'm sure it is just a phase that Ewan is going through. He has had a lot to deal with over the last year - starting school, losing the van and boat and the birth of a little sister.

I haven't any advice, but I'll be coming to you this time next year!

Hope it gets better soon hun.

 

[hypnorm]

thanks, it is starting to settle down a bit now.

 

[fordy]

this is quite sppoky really seeing all these august babies going thru the same thing....my 5 yr old b/day is 17th august and he is a very angry child and it doesnt help that he doesnt speak much and when he does its ver diffcult for me to understand him (i am deaf) and he gets fustrated by this and takes it out on a) his little sister or b) me he has been for an hearing test and it came back unsure...lol so he's booked in for gromits on the 13 january so hopefully we will get some outcome.

 

[nievesmama]

I have this with my son. He started school this year, hes one of the oldest as he was born in Nov.
I feel i have a different child, hes stroppy, disobedient and wow major tantrums.
Hes also started helping himself to stuff at home and school, when asked he says because he wants it. Im at my wits end with him at times. Yet at weekends hes not to bad.
I think its a starting school thing, they are being taught to be independant but also have more rigid routine thatn at pre school x

 

[belle254]

I don't feel that i have any real business posting in here as i don't have a child myself, but my 5 year old brother has been going through the same thing!
He started school in September 2009 and turned 5 in October, so he's one of the eldest and (unsurprisingly) one of the tallest. He's had lots of anger issues in the past but they faded with age and between September 2009 and Christmas he really seemed to settle down and enjoy school.
However, earlier this month the school had to spit the class up because of the high numbers of new children, so my brother was put in with a new teacher. He had most of his friends with him, but the classroom and teacher were different. Since then he's been an absolute nightmare- kicking, shouting and not joining in at school and having to be dragged to actually get to school. He too says he hates it and 'doesn't like the games.'
We're meeting with his new and old teachers soon to try and figure out a solution, but it better be soon cause he's driving everyone up the wall!
Maybe those first few months are really sensitive?

 

[Minstermind]

There's a lot going on there. Dealing with school and the influence of other kids, rough play on the playground, and three of the vehicles he is used to getting around in are suddenly gone. From a child's perspective, those are all pretty huge deals and I think I can understand why he'd be angry. We can speculate on the exact reasons but I'm sure it's a feeling of sadness, loss, and ensuing anger from all those vehicles and the toys that were in them being out of his life now (I know it's ''just cars'' to us adults but I really think to kids these things can have a real attachment, and to lose three is a lot).

I'm sure the loss of toys made him mad too.. as for the school stuff, my own son started changing his behaviors and personality a bit when he started school. They are so influenced by their peers and tend to copy them or see someone else misbehaving and ''try it on'' for themselves. The playground can also be very rough and from stories my son has told me (and spying on them a few times), I've noticed it's very common for boys in particular to play chasing games and at times a whole group could be chasing after one boy. It could be that they are playing something like this with him but he doesn't like it or want to be a part of it, and that fuels the ''gang mentality'' of the others and makes him even more a target as they tend to think it's funny and get a kick out of it. That could definitely be causing him to feel angry.

It's sort of like a lot of big things in his life have crumbled all around him, and completely out of his control, and being hassled on the playground which he is having trouble sorting. All that helplessness can lead to lashing out and being angry.

I have no wonderful solutions, just a few tidbits of ideas. I definitely think speaking with the school to monitor him on the playground could help. I noticed when I spied on my son on the playground, that the two teachers who were suppose to be supervising the playground spent most of their time talking to eachother and oblivious to what was going on around them, so that's something else to perhaps watch out for.

Another thought is to definitely have a chat with him and turn off the part of you that might want to explain what happened or make it better (about the cars and all) and see if you can get him to open up and let that anger out more directly rather than coming out in other ways.

It's a tough situation alright as we try to help our little ones process some pretty intense emotions!!