Announcing to SIL

Mushymilkfor2

Tabatha
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Normally this wouldn't really matter, but she's been unable to get pregnant due to PCOS. She already has one son, he's 2.5 but has been trying since he was 1 to get pregnant with a second.

Whenever babies are mentioned, or someone talks about pregnancy in anyway she gets super sad and totally shuts down. Even when I announced my first pregnancy she was happy for me, but sad for herself and she was only around 5 months into her TTC a second.

My husband and I don't want to wait to announce to anyone, but I really don't want to blindside her with an announcement in any way. We are friendly to each other, but I wouldn't say we are exactly friends.

I do think I should tell her first, but I have NO idea how to go about it. Any suggestions?
 
My cousin just recently got pregnant and told me I've been ttc for a year and I was super upset. I cried but I was happy for her. Its not something you can avoid and I would just tell her as softly as possible. maybe say you want the baby to be special to her, be a special aunt or something. Be prepared her first reaction might not be what everyone elses is but she is happy for you just hard on her, hope this helps!
 
A little bit of a different situation but i had had 3 miscarriages (i have PCOS) and just literally after my last one my brother and SIL come round with a scan photo to show me they were having a baby, they told me first before anyone because they didnt want me to find out through anyone else after all the hurt i was going through, i cried with happiness for them! They were terrified to tell me incase i got upset but i didnt, because that is their baby, not mine, i knew mine would come when the time was right, i was just so over the moon for them i didnt feel at all upset or jealous, it also made it easier i think because they thought about my feelings and come to me first, i thought that was really caring of them, the only thing that upset me was my little brothers pained face as they passed me the scan photo, i could see he was hurting at the fear of me being upset, still upsets me now that his joy of becoming a father was also fear at upsetting me, his baby will be born this month i cant wait to meet my little niece or nephew, and i would have been just as excited even if i wasnt pregnant. I would say just tell her before you tell anyone else xx
 
I have pcos & was ttc #2 for two years. I had those dark times when I wanted to withdraw & announcements really upset me - the surprise hurt & then I'd feel happy for the couple but very sad for myself.

Personally, I found it easier to find out from others in a personal text, explaining that they wanted me to know before we met up. This let me deal with it privately, get my emotions in check & allow myself to show the happiness that I DID feel the next time I saw that couple. Hearing an announcement in a crowd or with lots of family around was always much harder to deal with. It was the surprise that tipped me every time.

Maybe if you're not close to your SIL this would let her deal with her emotions privately before seeing you?

It's a hard one to call though - some people don't like the text idea.

You are doing your best by considering her feelings at such a special & happy time for you & your family. That's really lovely of you :flower:
 
I agree with pp on the text idea. We went through years of infertility and loss and hearing announcements in a group situation or even one to one was very hard. A text or phone call would have allowed me to be able to deal with any emotions I might feel without suffering the embarrassment of getting upset in front of anyone. Then I could pull myself together so that when I saw the person face to face I could be happy for them which is only what they deserve. Huge congrats on your pregnancy!
 
Thank you for your tips. I'm not sure still which way to do it haha. I just know is going to make her so sad, and thinking about that makes me feel sad. I might just make my husband tell his brother, so that he can spread the word to her.
 
You could always wait a little bit before telling her. Not sure when you plan to announce to everyone. But I was just in a similar situation...
My best friends has been trying for years to have a baby and has been unable to. I waited till after my 2nd scan ( Had a MMC last year and wanted to get past that point to even bother to tell her) and told her through a text message. I put myself in her situation and thought about how I would want to be told. We were getting together a couple weeks after I told her, so this gave her time to digest everything. In my personal opinion, I would NOT want to be told news like that in person. That's too much of a shell shock to me. I would want my private time to deal with the news. Not that she's not happy for me, as I know she is, but news like that can be very hard to hear when it's something you want so badly yourself.
 
I have pcos & was ttc #2 for two years. I had those dark times when I wanted to withdraw & announcements really upset me - the surprise hurt & then I'd feel happy for the couple but very sad for myself.

Personally, I found it easier to find out from others in a personal text, explaining that they wanted me to know before we met up. This let me deal with it privately, get my emotions in check & allow myself to show the happiness that I DID feel the next time I saw that couple. Hearing an announcement in a crowd or with lots of family around was always much harder to deal with. It was the surprise that tipped me every time.

Maybe if you're not close to your SIL this would let her deal with her emotions privately before seeing you?

It's a hard one to call though - some people don't like the text idea.

You are doing your best by considering her feelings at such a special & happy time for you & your family. That's really lovely of you :flower:

You are spot on to what I was thinking!!
 

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