ANNOYED! Need a vent session.

[Mississippi03]

Im having a crappy day and need to bitch. You should leave now if you dont want to hear it. Otherwise, feel free to join me.. Your vent is ok here!

Ive been at this for 8 months now. EIGHT months. I get the fact that there are people who have been at this a hell of a lot longer then me, and I feel shitty for them to. But I was naive. I thought this would be easy. I thought I would go off bcp, get bfp my first month and be nearing my last four weeks of pregnancy by now. Ohhh how wrong was I??? I think the universe is laughing at me.

Ive been though the antsy two week wait just to get a bfn every month. Followed by the two days of depression and eating my feelings.

Ive been through the its ok, on to the next cycle phase.

Ive been through the angry... I dont want to hear about every single female who accidentally ended up pregnant on my facebook page.. Or my sil who went off bcp to lose weight for her wedding and ended up pregnant instead. I dont want to hear the 'It will happen when its right ' .. 'You haven't been trying that long ' .. Or 'you need to stop stressing ' ... ESPECIALLY from the people who got pregnant first try or by mistake.

Ive gotten to the fuck it stage. Ive tossed everything that was supposed to help me out the window and am just annoyed. Why bother? Theres no point in loading up on vitamins that haven't done anything for me anyway.

And then theres my husband. I don't know why we short formed them to dh (dear husband)? We should rename them to mah ( misunderstnding asshole husband). Well i guess not those lucky females who did luck out with dear husbands. But come on. My husband thinks he walks on water. He thinks every time we dtd that hes done me a favour... And don't bother telling him you are upset about your bfn because he will just call you crazy when you let it ruin your day. He spends ten minutes icing his balls to try and make his sperm swim quicker before his sa next week.. Lol and I'm supposed to give him a hero cookie for actively participating in this journey? I wish I had a husband that did research, changed his diet, quit drinking, took a mitt full of vitamins.. Anything to help ttc like us females do. They just dont get it.. At all.

Today, I am annoyed. I hate ttc. It isn't fun. And I feel bad for the next person that tells me to relax about it because they just might have to hear this whole spiel too.

End rant.

 

[Mississippi03]

And please dont misconceive. I absolutely love my husband and we have a great relationship.. Hes just dense as a baseball when it comes to empathy around ttc

 

[calm81]

"dense as a baseball," LOVE it. I'm not going to feed you a bunch of "go to" cliche's but wanted to let you know that your vent didn't fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes since I read it not heard it), anywhoo. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Even though I'm not in the same boat per se, I can still see the frustration hearing about ladies who get "knocked up," while women are out there that would give anything to have a child.

I CAN relate to the "dense as a baseball," "Dear husband" blah. You're right, maybe you should start a MAH trend. My hubby is great but doesn't show the same excitement as me. We were trying to conceive and when it happened I was super excited to show him the test, when I showed him he was like,"Wow, cool. Did you pick up more paint for the shed?"

I was like,"Seriously, babe?" He goes, "Sorry hun, I really am excited, this is great, but wanted to make sure we had enough paint." *Dumps paint on his head*<----wishful thinking.

Either way, I'm here if you need a good vent.

 

[geckorachel]

Hugs, I thought that was a good rant. I'm sorry things are taking longer than you thought

We are ttc number 2 at the moment (proper cycle 2) and I get that naivety about it happening right away, I have a feeling this time Is going to take a while for us... And frankly I'm dreading it. My husband thanfully doesn't sound as emotionally lacking quite like yours but to him... He'd like me not to get pregnant right away anyway so he gets more sex..... Great... I just wind him up by trying to put my legs up post sex he hates all the tests and the dates and the test analysing... He doesnt get it... Hugs n let's hope it Our lucky month x

 

[miana]

Yep that's a good rant and I had the exact same feelings from the first BFN to the 2nd year of BFN's!
Everyone is different but in my case I did come to terms with the fact that it looked like it was going to take us awhile and I don't get as depressed as I used to
I had a friend who had been trying for 3 months with no luck ask me how long it would take to not get so depressed each month after a BFN......I just smiled and said "it will be ok and you will tone down after a while". All I wanted to do was laugh out loud and say "3 months is nothing! Ask me again when u reach the 2 year mark woman!" Ha ha

I occasionally find myself even getting pissed off when a woman walks into my shop with a stroller! I just get that "it's not fair" mood going and all I want to do is ignore her lol.

But there is something to thinking positive I think. Believe me I'm definitely not one of those positive thinking gurus that does it all day, everyday and puts positive images on every social media account I have every 2 seconds, but I think a bit of it can help you get through

Have you been to a fertility doctor yet or is the SA your first step? It's good to see one to make sure everything is in good working order. Both my DH and myself are in "good working order", which is great.......but frustrating when we're still not getting that BFP!!!

Feel free to vent as much as you like, we all need a good vent every now and then......and even more often when TTC ha ha

 

[Mississippi03]

You three are amazing.

I laughed at the paint can comment lol i could see my husband saying that. But i actually think he will be fairly ecstatic the day we get a bfp. I played a trick on him once and he fellfor it and was fairly happy but didnt know if he should believe me. I think were both to the point of accepting bfns that whenever i do get a bfp neither of us will truly believe it.

Im always putting my legs up.. But hes so used to it now that he actually times me and tells me when im getting up to early.. Lol

I dont get as depressed anymore, believe me i did. But ive just become numb to it. Dont care as much anymore. Just angry at the process.

In ontario you have to wait 12 months to get a referral to a specialist. I convinced my dr after 7 months.mthen got told it was an 8 month wait list before they would even call you with an appt date. Fortunately my mom knew the secretary at the clinic. She got me an appt for aug 22. I have had one ultrasound and have cysts on both ovaries. I got back for another next week, to see if anything has changed o they can try to figure out what is wro g. Dh goes for sa on 11 th so we will have all of those results prior to the specialist appt on the 22nd. But what got me riled up was the clinic telling me it would be three months for a follow up appt. i think thats absurd.