Another MIL rant (of sorts... possibly could be an OH rant!)

[MemmaJ]

OH has always been adamant that my twin boys should go to his Mum when I go into labour/go into hospital to have this baby...
This is partly because my Mum's health has deteriorated this year and she shouldn't really be worrying about two 10 year old's, but I secretly suspect that it's also because he wants his Mum to see this baby before mine does (and by her having the boys and bringing them to the hospital after the birth, that will be the case).

Part of his argument is also that my Mum doesn't drive and therefore she couldn't get my boys to/from school and stuff...
But his mum lives 40 minutes away, so realistically she can't either. My mum lives less than 10 minutes from their school and would take them in a taxi. He also says he doesn't want to have to leave the hospital to go and bring the boys/her to the hospital after the birth (because she doesn't drive). Partners can stay at my hospital and he says he doesn't want to leave the hospital at all until we're all going home.

My Mum is desperate for them to go to her, as she used to look after them a lot while I worked before she became ill, and she misses them terribly.... She's got quite upset at times when I have consistently (but gently) said no in view of her health (and as it's not worth the hassle I'd get from the rest of my family for it!)

My sister has also offered for us to bring the boys to her (she lives about 20 minutes away from us, and only 10 minutes from the hospital) - but OH shot me down on that too. He basically says they're going to his Mum and that's that.

This is bringing me a lot of worry... Firstly, when OH asked her about it, she was very evasive and it was all a bit awkward. I felt like she was trying to find a million-and-one excuses and in the end, I ended up changing the subject because I felt so uncomfortable with it.
She kept saying things like "well it would depend if I can get away from work..." (she's the manager), and "you know I don't like driving on the motorway, so we'd need to be in a position for Graham (her partner) to come with me..." and was going into how she may have to go home to get/meet him first from wherever she is at the time (he's retired). Also kept asking Graham if they have any trips away/plans etc for the end of November when they might not be around, just things like that - all of which made me feel like she didn't really want to and that's it's all a bit of an issue. It's too far away from the hospital for us to take them to her, so we would have to wait for her to come and get them.
When I tried to speak to OH about it, he shot me down - denied she had been like that at all, insisted that she had said it was fine and that she wants to do it.

Also, she is notoriously difficult to get hold of. She's terrible at answering texts and OH can call her mobile several times in a row and she wont answer - only returning his call later when she looks at her phone and see's the missed calls.
Her and her partner tend to shut themselves off from the world and live in their own little bubble - so they often don't have their phones with/near them (or they're on Silent), and also indulge in wine most evenings.
So not only am I worried that we wont be able to get hold of them when the time comes, but also that they may not be able to drive as they've been drinking, or that there will be a ton of excuses about why she can't come right then (work reasons, wants to go home and get Graham first, etc), and that she'll take forever to get to us (if at all) because of all those reasons/excuses.

I know that I wouldn't have any of these worries if my mum or sister was to have the boys. I'd call them, they'd answer and we'd TAKE them straight there ourselves on route to the hospital, whatever time of day it was. It would be as simple as that.

I've tried to talk to him about it several times - but I just get made to feel like I'm 'attacking' his Mum, or trying to push her out in some way. It's his first baby so I understand he wants his family to be/feel involved as much as possible, and says she'll be offended if we change it now.
But the worry of what may happen is stressing me out already and he just wont accept it....

Any advice...?!

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I think if you aren't comfortable with MIL having the boys then she shouldn't. The last thing you need is to be worrying about them. But also, your mum may not be a good choice because you may worry about her health too and constantly wondering if she's okay. I think your sister would be the best bet and she sounds more handy to you as well for when you've had baby and the boys come to see you all. That way, no one's Mum is 'preferred' if you will..

 

[LoraLoo]

It sounds like your sisters the best option to me- seeing as she's both willing to have the boys and is able to drive, could possibly pick your mum up on the way to hospital too to see baby?
Possibly tell mil and hubby that you would really like her to meet baby as soon as possible too, and will let her know as soon as bzby has arrived? It's not like you are pushing her out- you are just wanting the best solution all round, and doesn't seem to me like your mil would be it.

 

[Blu10]

It sounds like your sister is the best option. Have you asked your boys where they would like to go?

 

[MemmaJ]

To them, going and staying anywhere is an adventure and a treat - they really have no preference! They'd be happy with any of the options, lol.

I think my sister (or a mixture of mum and sister, as she has two children of her own) is the best option too; but unfortunately OH is having none of it. He insists we can't change it now (even though I didn't want to ask his mum in the first place, because of the reasons I said, and was surprised when he just came out with it and asked her), and says she'll be upset and offended if we change it (even though it seems to me like she doesn't really want to do it anyway).

I do think a lot of it is to do with him wanting to keep control so that my family (which bigger than his - he just has his mum and brother) can't come and 'take over' the hospital before his, but of course he'd never admit to that ;-)

 

[Juliet11]

That is a tricky situation. So sorry!!!!

Your sister does sound like the best option to me. Maybe there's a way to compromise so that all 3 parties can be involved in different ways with watching your boys, giving rides and hospital visit when baby comes. I hope you and OH can come to a plan together that you both can feel comfortable with. He really needs to support you and help you feel at ease! You don't need extra worry/stress right now. I'd suggest a discussion with him and finding a compromise that still involves his mom somehow.
Good luck!

 

[Dibbles]

Would it be ok if you initially agree to sending your boys to your MIL but ask your family to be 'back up' if she's as hard to get hold of and as full as excuses as you expect you can just say that you'll be taking them to your Mum's/sister's instead.

That way your husband has 'his way' and his family is involved but your family is ready as well since most of your stress resolves about not being able to get hold of your MIL and her getting there in time.

HTH ^.^

 

[Misscalais]

At the end of the day you both love your mums and you both prefer your own mums to mind your children, from what i read from this situation i think your sister is the most reasonable person to be having your boys.
My mum has just been diagnosed with cancer and she's the only person i trust with my kids ( mil doesn't speak to us any more ) fil and step mil live right next door but have only had our boys over night once in 4.5 years. They both work full time and hardly have anything to do with us. My mum has to drive 5 hours to be here with us all my siblings also live 5/18 hours away.
Ask your boys who they would prefer to stay with?