answering insensitive questions from friends and family

[londongirl]

Hi

we've only been TTC for a few months. But either way, over the past year, heaps of people have said "why haven't you got pregnant yet?" or "gee when are you guys going to have a baby?" or "I don't get why you're not getting pregnant yet"...

now that we're TTC, it's really starting to get to me. I think it's an INCREDIBLY insensitive thing to say. Of COURSE I don't mind if a close friend or family member asks in a gentle way if we're thinking of it... but it's people who don't have the right to say it - and they aren't asking kindly. They're almost judging like it's a conscious choice - it seems like some people think that, the first time you do the BD with no protection - presto - a baby comes out!

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you reply without being rude, but in a way to make them get the point and mind their own business?

thanks

 

[Aliciatm]

i just say im leaving it up to God. if its right its right if its not then oh well.

 

[GdaneMom4now]

I honestly don't know, but I've gotten this too...it used to be easy, "after our honeymoon" because we took our honeymoon six months after marriage. but now on month six after the honeymoon, the comments are getting to me too. I just say, when my stupid body works itself out!! Lol. I'm sure that's not the classiest response, but it shuts them up. And lets them know you're trying but frustrated. Sorry i can't help you more, I've tried thinking of other things, but when they ask I don't have a filter from my brain to my mouth to stop me.

 

[redbubble]

We had the hard part of telling family (extended) that my OH couldnt have anymore children because we couldnt afford a VR. We finally managed to get some money together for it though and he had it done a couple of months back, but we decided to tell nobody except our parents and even then they still dont know were trying yet. His SA is in July so we tell them that we cant even begin to think about it until then.
Tell them you'll have one when youre ready to.....

x

 

[wantanerd]

It depends who says it to me. If his parents start asking about kids around DH or I, we both flat out deny we are trying and we are waiting. But they hate me so they don't need to know what is going on in our every day lives.

If it is a friend we say we are trying but it is a long and difficult process.

thankfully my family knows what is going on and my mom calls and tells me everything Dr Oz says about infertility and PCOS.

DH and I are at that age where most couples we meet ask us about kids and we say we are trying and leave it at that.

 

[Unbridled]

When my in-laws ask, I just say "When we're good and ready." We just started TTC, but so far I haven't told anyone but my mother. I have a feeling this process will be stressful enough without adding a nagging mother-in-law to the mix.

 

[GradMommy]

I've gotten this quite a few times too. My stock response is "Oh my gosh you're absolutely right! My uterus IS public knowledge and interest!" It's stopped the insensitive comments from people who have no right to continually ask us about it. My family is another story, they're very supportive, but my Mom too calls me with whatever information she's found on the internet, TV, etc. I know they mean well... but.... LOL

Good luck and baby dust to you! Chin up - people have no idea how insensitive they're being, it's like the people in the grocery store that randomly rub your belly when you are pregnant.

 

[beccad]

I ask people right out how their sex life is, because that's essentially what they're asking you

Either that or just call them out on it and ask them why they think it's appropriate to ask such a rude and personal question. They won't do it again!

 

[mammag]

I've never found a good answer for these questions myself, they always make me angry inside but outside I just say something polite and quickly change the subject. Sorry I couldn't be of more help here, I just wish everyone was instilled from birth with the manners not to ask other people about their intent to have children or lack there of.

 

[future_momma]

people have done that to me for the whole 3 years i have been TTC. I dont think people seem to realize that asking that is insensitive unless they have felt what we feel and has gone through what we have. I just tell them, "nope no baby yet but im tryin!" I smile and pretend it dont bug me and then i let it go. Thats just me though

 

[Sewergrrl]

That's why I'm not telling anyone we're TTC except my family. I know they won't ask because they know I'll tell them the moment it happens. I'm SO GLAD to have found this forum!