anxiety about FOB and custody

[alysedelovely]

ugh...

I get so nervous about this. I am by no means excited for FOB to be a part of the baby's life.. hes totally unreliable, makes false promises, is very controlling, has anger issues and honestly is just a huge letdown. I know that he obviously will see the child and everything, but I want full physical and legal custody so that I can act as the responsible parent. I just know that if we had split legal custody, and he got to help me make decisions about schools and everything, he would be a complete ass just because he could. UGH!
and then theres his driving history- hes a crazy driver and has been in so many wrecks, i'm so nervous for him to drive the baby around. i dont want to keep him from his child, i just want to protect my baby you know?

i seriously just want to cry. have any of you drawn up legal documents between you and FOB? what do they say? did they agree to them? what about visitation?

i'm also nervous about the name situation.
i've already decided on names, and I love the name Lucas for a boy since my friend Luke died a year ago from a car accident that left him in a coma and a bad state. I want to honor him in this way, but FOB is such a jerk he said he hated that name when we were together.. but since he is NOT here for me and wont be in the delivery room, i've decided i want to name him Lucas Elijah Smith if its a boy.. Smith is my last name. I know FOB wanted his last name, but i doubt that FOB will be around for long or at all..

is this bitchy to name him Luke? I mean I just can't imagine naming him anything else! I just dont understand why FOB hated it; honestly i think its because it was after some other guy you know?

 

[futuremommy91]

Of course you should name your baby Lucas! I see no reason why not- FOB sounds like a real tw*t from your past posts and as you aren't married and you ARE the mother, you have a complete legal right to give him whatever name you choose. Screw him- it is a lovely name and tbh he probably just hated it because he thought you cared for Luke as more than a friend.

About the driving thing, have you spoken to him about it? Though I can't imagine his reaction would be very good, he might surprise you. It is his son/daughter- perhaps he would be a lot more careful. then again, maybe he won't If he's had a lot of past wrecks/tickets/DUI's and has proven himself to be an incompetent driver perhaps a judge would prohibit him from driving anywhere with LO. Or maybe you could work it out with him so that you could take LO over and pick him/her up yourself?

 

[futuremommy91]

Also, not sure if you are still on hun, but isn't it pretty late where you live? I'd take a nice bath and go to bed if I were you- stress couldn't be too good for bubs. There really isn't anything you can do about it tonight, and no doubt as frustrating and stressful the situation is, you still have a long way to go until bubs is here. Things will get themselves worked out, but the best thing right now for you and your baby is to take care of yourself.

 

[alysedelovely]

he is a complete you know what! hmph! and about his driving record, he's been in 3 wrecks- all his fault because he wasnt paying attention or something? haha

and i'm like uh? please tell me you will pay attention when you're in the car with my baby! i've also been in the car with him and he almost got into a wreck multiple times. as far as DUIs and everything he has none and no drug record, but he has a very unstable housing situation as he never has a job so he just squats somewhere for a while and then moves to some place else.. etc.. so i'm worried about him taking to baby to random places. if i'm breastfeeding, won't the judge order him to not take the baby away for more than an hour or so?

 

[alysedelovely]

and its almost 1:30 here.. unfortunately i am up working agh... and i have to leave for work at 7:30 a.m. but luckily i get off at 11:30 so i can come home and sleep! ah! i shouldnt have put off all this work!

 

[futuremommy91]

I'm up working too haha. A paper on Othello. Ick. I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't for the fact that my professor HATES my writing even when I worked my butt off.

How many classes are you taking? It must be difficult with school and work and bump.

 

[caz81]

i dont really know the background at all to your case but it is his child too so seems a little unfair to name him something that he hates, i would suggest trying to talk to him & explain your reasons why, maybe compromised & have luke as a middle name? You say the fob as anger issues & is pretty unstable so if you name him luke he might think you are doing it to wind him up & be more likely to try and make things hard for you

 

[Mummy2Asher]

i honestly would name him whatever you wanted, and id put rules on him and everytime he was late, or didnt turn up, he dropped your son off in dirty clothes/full nappy etc, i would write it down and if it came to getting full custody you have something to show hes unreliable and unfit.
it sounds horrible writing it like that but i believe its better to have no dad then a half arsed dad, i know that from what my son has gone through with his dad for nearly 4 years.
xx

 

[cabaretmum2b]

From what I've seen of your past posts, I honestly think you're completely within your rights to maintain full custody. As for the name, so what? It wouldn't surprise me if he was just being a jerk for the sake of it. You're not together, so he doesn't have a right to decide what you name your baby!
It might be worth getting some professional legal advice - I'm pretty sure that you can get free legal advice from some places, so it would probably be a good idea to have a little look and see what comes up.
I've had 18 years of a half-arsed father, and it's brought me nothing but misery. Like, I'll end up in tears after a 5 minute phone call because he's being a selfish dick, as usual. I think it's much better to make sure that your baby is okay than to worry about FOB.

 

[alysedelovely]

thank you all for your advice. I mean he hasn't even shown interest in being here. today i asked him about custody and he didnt even seem like he cared to even see the baby! it breaks my heart, but i know that me and LO are better off without him. i feel so sorry that he/she has such a shotty father.

 

[cabaretmum2b]

Hmm. If it doesn't seem like he cares, maybe you should just ask him straight up "Do you really care how much you see the baby?" If he says no, you know that it will probably be for the best that he doesn't see your LO. If he says yes, then you should let him know that you won't stand for any bullshit, and lay down some rules very early on so you know where you stand

 

[JoJo16]

i dont no about being in the US but if your not married do you have to have his name on the birth certificate. my fob isnt on mine therefore i chose her name. hes seen her 3 times before she was a month old. were going through solicitors atm to get to a decision we both are ok with. atm its not going very well. he wants way to much access so he would have to take me to court if he wants more and that will cost him a fair bit. so basically he cant really do anything unless i let him. like i say im not sure if its the same in the US. hopefully he just wont be bothered and will get the message and leave you alone. he wont get custody hun so dont worry. and if it goes to court and you mention about him driving they wont le him pick baby up himself xxx

 

[alysedelovely]

In reply to your post, JoJo16 [i dont know your real name, but I'm alyse ], here i am not putting his name on the birth certificate, nor do i have to! I layed out his options as far as custody today and he said he needed time to think and pray about it.. such BS! w/e i know he needs time but he always throws the god card in there.. blah blah blah.. ugh! i am a christian too. whatever.. he seemed more interested in signing over his rights than anything- not sure if this will stick.

i dont want to keep him from his child if he is going to be responsible, but i dont want a detrimental relationship between him and the baby. i know it will hurt him/her for their dad not being involved.