Anxiety and Sex (Possible Pregnancy)

[Jace3349]

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to my ex and sex, yet I still keep sleeping with her, which is something I need to stop, and have for the time being. To a point where I'm making myself physically sick. I don't have anyone to talk to, so I figured I'd try here.

So, my ex and I had sex on May 30. I used a condom, and pulled out that time as well. She then told me she started her period on June 2 and it was normal. We had sex twice in June, one on the 11th, but we didn't get to finish due to getting interrupted. Then again on the 17th. Both times I used a condom and pulled out. That's the last time we had sex. So, again, she said she bled on July 2nd for a day. She said it was lighter than normal, but it wasn't light. I think she said she went through 3 tampons. She sent me proof. I won't go into details, but it was definitely proof. She then said she spotted a little bit a couple of days later. Now it's close to time for her to have her period and she's not feeling it like it's coming. She keeps telling me she's 100% positive she's not pregnant and there's no way she could be unless God has a sense of humor.

So, I asked her to take a test, she kind of balked at the idea and said the test wouldn't be accurate at this point. The last time we had sex was a month and a half ago.She also told me that she would take a test if she was late, and she would tell me if it was negative, but wouldn't tell me if it was positive?

However, she has told me her breasts have been hurting for a little over a month, but she credits that to losing weight and them getting smaller. She also said she's been getting up more at night to urinate for the past month or so. To me these sound like early pregnancy symptoms and I'm freaking out.

Also, when she had what she thinks is her period this month, she was getting over bronchitis and an ear infection in where she was taking Augmentin. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with all of this or not.

Can someone please talk some sanity into me? I'm worrying myself sick.

 

[misspriss]

I think you need to see someone about your anxiety. A doctor or therapist.

It is not normal for you to ask for evidence of someone your sleeping with having had their period. That is not normal.

 

[AliJo]

I don't see him asking for evidence. He just said that she sent photos not that he asked.

Your relationship with her seems pretty uneasy.

There comes a responsibility with having sex even if you use all protection possible there is a chance that pregnancy can happen. That's the simple truth, so first you need to accept that.

Women can have irregular cycles due to many causes. I wouldn't pressure her about it. See what happens.

Why are you so anxious about it, anyways? I would assume it's because you don't want to be a father yet, but could be another reason.

 

[misspriss]

I don't see him asking for evidence. He just said that she sent photos not that he asked.

Your relationship with her seems pretty uneasy.

There comes a responsibility with having sex even if you use all protection possible there is a chance that pregnancy can happen. That's the simple truth, so first you need to accept that.

Women can have irregular cycles due to many causes. I wouldn't pressure her about it. See what happens.

Why are you so anxious about it, anyways? I would assume it's because you don't want to be a father yet, but could be another reason.

Judging from the post, do you think she sent it because he didn't ask? Who does that? I can only see one instance where a woman would send PROOF she had her period - because someone was hounding her and did not believe her. The tone of the poster leads me to believe he would continue to ask and pursue evidence.

Considering he has continued to ask about her breast symptoms and how often she urinates, or she volunteered that information because he keeps asking if she feels any symptoms, or she feels the information would help him. If she volunteered this information, she does not seem to know how he feels about the possibility of her being pregnant. Either way, this relationship is...well from this post, I would consider at least the poster speaking to a professional.

For the record, I suffer from anxiety and I see a professional on a regular basis (right now it's my GP).

 

[nikki_]

Jace, if it happened exactly like you said it happened, I'm willing to bet money she is not pregnant and there is something else at play (there are many reasons a woman's period can be delayed). It would be extremely difficult for someone to get pregnant if you were using a condom (I'm assuming correctly) AND pulled out. That's just my two cents. Good luck!

 

[AliJo]

I guess I'm not just going to assume. There are plenty of... interesting people out there.

 

[Jace3349]

All,

Apologies, I didn't get any notifications where anyone replied.

I know I need to get some professional help and STOP seeing this girl.

To answer the questions from AliJo, yes, I have been asking for that information quite frequently. I didn't ask about proof of her period though, she just offered that up and I accepted.

Over the past couple of days she said she'd been nauseated and having pain in the middle of her stomach that goes to her back as well. I told her to go to the doctor to see what the deal was if it was bothering her that bad.

She then messaged me this morning saying she passed a large clot that was the size of her hand and her stomach hurt so bad that she couldn't sit.

Again, I told her to do to the doctor if she's having problems. She proceeded to tell me she's sorry she made me upset and that she was just keeping me in the loop like I asked (I never specifically asked her to do that)

I ignored her for a bit and she eventually said something about going to the doctor and also apologized for making me upset and she has no idea what she did. I'm still ignoring her at this point.

After all of that, what do y'all think?

 

[AliJo]

She might have more going on with her reproductive organs.

I don't think she was ever pregnant. I think you should reply to her and let her know you've got her messages and to cut it off with her completely. Especially if you don't want to be with her. It isn't fair to either of you and it's obviously making the situation more difficult for the both of you.

 

[nikki_]

I hate to even suggest this when I don't know her, but is it possible she is lying and/or exaggerating about her symptoms to gain some sort of sympathy or have you think she was pregnant? Toxic relationships tend to bring out the worst in people, and it seems to me like this is a textbook toxic relationship. Either way, it sounds to me like she was never pregnant and assuming her symptoms are real, she should definitely go see a doctor to rule out any serious illnesses.

 

[AliJo]

I hate to even suggest this when I don't know her, but is it possible she is lying and/or exaggerating about her symptoms to gain some sort of sympathy or have you think she was pregnant? Toxic relationships tend to bring out the worst in people, and it seems to me like this is a textbook toxic relationship. Either way, it sounds to me like she was never pregnant and assuming her symptoms are real, she should definitely go see a doctor to rule out any serious illnesses.

I was going to ask something along these lines as well.

 

[Jace3349]

I hate to even suggest this when I don't know her, but is it possible she is lying and/or exaggerating about her symptoms to gain some sort of sympathy or have you think she was pregnant? Toxic relationships tend to bring out the worst in people, and it seems to me like this is a textbook toxic relationship. Either way, it sounds to me like she was never pregnant and assuming her symptoms are real, she should definitely go see a doctor to rule out any serious illnesses.

I was going to ask something along these lines as well.

Several people that know her and I and the situation have said the exact same thing you all are speculating. She drags things out and is very cryptic and vague about things because she knows what it does to my anxiety.

I took the steps tonight to block her from everything.

 

[love.peace]

I personally believe you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you'd be happy with the possibility of a pregnancy. No contraception is 100%.

Having said this my husband and I took over 2 years of complete unprotected sex to have our son and yet this youngest baby was conceived in 1 night. It can happen. Trust is the main thing though. If your ex says she believes she's not pregnant and she's been bleeding then you should trust her.
All the symptoms she's experiencing can come as part of a regular cycle as hormones are up and down all month.

For anxiety I suggest magnesium oil, vitamin d, B vitamins and some meditating.
'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle is also a great read for living in the present moment.

 

[Jace3349]

I personally believe you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you'd be happy with the possibility of a pregnancy. No contraception is 100%.

Having said this my husband and I took over 2 years of complete unprotected sex to have our son and yet this youngest baby was conceived in 1 night. It can happen. Trust is the main thing though. If your ex says she believes she's not pregnant and she's been bleeding then you should trust her.
All the symptoms she's experiencing can come as part of a regular cycle as hormones are up and down all month.

For anxiety I suggest magnesium oil, vitamin d, B vitamins and some meditating.
'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle is also a great read for living in the present moment.

I agree with you on your first statement. I should've never had sex with her in the first place.

Update: Before I blocked her I sent her a nice message explaining why I was cutting everything off. She took it well surprisingly. She did say that she went to the ER yesterday and found out she's having issues with her ovaries and there's a cyst the doctor is concerned about. Historically she has had issues with her ovaries I believe.

Anyways, I do feel like a lot of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.