Any fathers here? I'm really messed up.

[btjk]

My name is Darius, I am devestated, and I'm trying to reach out. I lost my son in December 2014. Up until a few days ago, I have been a robot 90%+ of the time. Almost completely emotionally detached. After a year of this, I'm losing my wife because of it. My heart exploded a few days ago, and my world is falling apart around me. I feel all of it, everything, all at once.

I tried to post my story but it didn't go through apparently. I miss my wife and I miss my son. I don't know what to do with myself in all this silence. I distracted myself for so long with noise.

Does anyone have advice? I just don't want to feel alone.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I am so sorry for your loss. In more ways than one. I don't really have any advice for you because I have never been through a situation like yours. I just did not want to read and run. My heart breaks for you Darius.

 

[Azasha]

Sorry Darius, thats indeed alot for you to go thru at once & i know its not easy for someone to understand what you went thru. U need to be strong for them.. Im sure they are still watching over u.
I did lost alot of my family members every year..starting from my dad, granddad, both grandma, 3 aunts, 3 uncle, 5 cousins yearly.. one after another. Now my mom had a stroke & shes fighting for her life. I would indeed feel like a robot like u did. But knowing that life ends with death, dont lose hope with God.. There's always a reason in everything that happens on earth.. everyone need a moment where we honestly release every emotions that are trapped in us. Especially sadness, heartbroken & loss.. let it all out, prayers to them & constantly having them in ur heart.. Cherish the moments you had with them.. dont let the negative auras crush you when most of ur days are filled with incredible memories of them. I did that when i misses my family so much.. And one day i too will meet them there.. together again as 1 family..

God Bless you Darius.. Stay Strong for them..

 

[btjk]

Thank you for your kind words. My wife and I never thought we would have a child together. When he showed up it was a miracle. She fought so hard for him.

His death broke me as a man. I reverted to instinct mode to function and provide. I took it too far. I shut down too much. Now I'm facing divorce.

I lost my son and will likely lose my wife. This is the most pain I could possibly feel. I'm suffering how she suffered. Alone.

 

[krissie328]

I am so sorry for your loss! I cannot imagine the pain it has caused.

I would strongly recommend some personal counseling for you to process your son's death. I also think some marriage counseling for both of you would be good.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I really wish I had some comforting words to offer you Darius. Losing a loved one is nothing compared to losing your own child. I feel for you, and I hope that as you take each day at a time that one day it will get just a little bit easier for you.

 

[theiska]

My partner behaved similarly. We miscarried in November and then when we conceived again in December he completely pulled away, all but neglecting our relationship. Unfortunately I miscarried again 3 weeks ago and ended our relationship. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It allows me to see what he might have been feeling. I wish I knew what to say, but I can't even figure out my own situation. Just know you aren't alone in this world. Others have been and still are where you are. For some reason that helps me a little.

 

[btjk]

Thank you all so much again for your kind words and support. I've been very actively pursuing counselling and I'm set up for intermittent crisis support in the mean time. I can call or go in as much as I need.. a resource I am using..

My partner behaved similarly. We miscarried in November and then when we conceived again in December he completely pulled away, all but neglecting our relationship. Unfortunately I miscarried again 3 weeks ago and ended our relationship. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It allows me to see what he might have been feeling. I wish I knew what to say, but I can't even figure out my own situation. Just know you aren't alone in this world. Others have been and still are where you are. For some reason that helps me a little.

theiska, I am so sorry for your losses. I am so sorry for the loss of your relationship. Being on the other side of it, and having now awoken to the explosion of my true feelings, I would give anything I ever have been or ever will be to go back and listen to my wife, be there for her, and get some god damn help.

How messed up does a person have to be to neglect their partner like that after losing a child together?

My main thread post just randomly went through and I went way more in depth in what we experienced, and what I became. You can read it if you like, and if you do I hope it helps more. Thank you for sharing your perspective and compassion. Thank you for sharing some of your story. It does help me.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/m...st-my-son-may-lose-my-wife-my-confession.html