Any mums of 3 with an autistic child?

[Camlet]

Hi ladys I've only just discovered this section so I'm kind of new! I was just wondering if there are any mothers of 3 out there with an autistic child as I have a 5 year old son with autism, bowel problems & hyper mobility & 13 month old daughter & still feel as if my family is incomplete & I would love another baby but worry about how my son will cope! He hates the sound that babys make & is already incredibly jelouse of his sister but at the same time has realy come out of his shell alot more since she was born & does seem alot happyer & is coming along alot better (copying her) so it's a difficult choice! Anybody got any similar storys? & how are you coping with them all if you already have 3? More importantly how does your autistic child cope? Am I being selfish wanting another baby? Any advise at all would be greatly appreciated! xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hi didnt want to read and run.

I have a 6yr old son with autism and a 5yr old daughter (NT). I think children just cope with what life throws that them. You could use some social storys etc x

 

[Camlet]

Hi thank you very much for replying & for not reading & running!! Thank you for your advise I totaly agree with how kids just cope although my son does realy struggle with change I guess he always finds his own little ways of coping in the end xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I know how you feel. My son hates babys crys so that rules it out for us! I think you have to just decide what you can all as a family cope with xx

 

[velvetina]

Hi hun, I have 3 and what can I say nearing the end of the hols , no its not that bad .

My eldest son is nearly 15 and he has autism then I have a 4 year old son and a dd who is 15 months. We had a big gap for many reasons, not all connected with the autism, so it was probably easier for us to communicate with ds when I was pregnant with the other 2.

Having a 3rd has made life feel very busy, we don't stop but it's a nice feeling even though it can be hard work. I don't have any help now (no mum and dad) but my dh is great.

Problems we have now are the 2 boys arguing, it drives me made sometimes, but this is quite normal, I remember doing the same thing with my brother. We also have issues with noises, it will be silly things like nursery rhymes on the cd in the car my son cannot bear to hear and will have to cover his ears, or noisy toys or musical things the other 2 love.

Time is something to also consider, we have to get ds out for a social life to his special needs social club and also to his 2 best friends (we take it turns for them to spend frequent Saturdays at each others).

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty as my dh is ten years older than me (we are old ) and he works really hard on a physical job, is completing renovating our house and will still help out with chores and does loads with kids. I feel even more bad as I suggested rather than go on holiday we rip out the kitchen and bathroom (which we started) and now see that maybe that was not such a great idea and that actually he could probably do with the break!!!

I know after our second I wanted another virtually straight away, and despite all the worries about our second son and was he going to be autistic, and a whole heap of stuff you couldnt make up, I was really glad we had another, and it's not cause I wanted a daughter either, as I wasn't bothered.

I am not religious but I think our kids came to us for a reason, whatever their problems, if it meant to be it will happen, everything happens for a reason.

You are aware of his needs, maybe to have quiet time and his siblings will also learn to adapt, he can learn from then and just as importantly then can learn from him. Hearing my son hold and talk to ds2 when I brought him home (he didn't know I was listening) made me cry it was so special, I wish I could have recorded it. Knowing the signs when he is getting stressed, have some strategies ready, talk with school and use social stories to help him cope or tell you how he is feeling.

Hope my mad ramblings help hun. x

 

[hatbox]

Hey there. I don't have three yet but maybe someday. Hopefully anyway. Just wanted to let you know that I have a 7 yo DD with hypermobility syndrome, JIA(arthritis), developmental delay, speech delay, DNET tumor causing behavior issues, duarte galactosemia, and vision issues. I also have a 3 1/2 yo DS with asthma, speech delay, hypermobility and autism. I've found that they actually teach each other things. We've done genectic testing to see if there's anything causing both of them to have these issues and they haven't found anything yet. I think that it will be an adjustment for your child of course, and adhering to a new routine will be rough at first, but they will adjust.

 

[Camlet]

Hi everyone thank you all for your replys! Velvetina thank you very much you have realy help & reasurred me my son also hates things like any kind of music & realy plays up when he hears even the slightest bit of noise did you ever find when he doesn't like a noise he starts trying to shout realy loud & act silly to cope with the noise as that's what my little boy has been doing recently with things like his sister crying or a sudden loud noise? That special needs social club sounds realy good unfortunatly all tge groups near us are for pre-schoolers & are on during school times! I'm exactly the same with my oh & I do feel realy guilty to!! But I know he doesn't mind as his kids mean the world to him & he would do anything for them & me but I suppose I should realy try harder sometimes lol I was also exactly the same straight after I'd given birth I said to df I wanted another lol & have been wanting another since! I also believe that everything happens for a reason to & think we will continue with trying to complete our family & if it happens it happens but if it doesn't (I struggled with concieving dd) then it's not ment to be don't worry your mad ramblings have realy helped me alot lol it's so nice to finaly be able to speak to mothers who understand & have children with my sons disabilitys! sorry if I've lost track on a few sentences my son is currently on one of his super rampages through the house atm so have had to keep stopping lol xx

 

[Camlet]

Hi hatbox it's nice to meet somebody with a child with hyper mobility in my area nobody knows what it is!! My son has it very bad in all his joints & it affects his walking, using his fingers for things like writing, using a knife & fork, getting dressed ect & he wakes up in the night crying in pain with cramps. he also has a global delay but we are now starting to think it is more to do with his autism but I've found he most definatly has learned alot from copying his sister so she has definatly helped him alot before she was born he would also just sit in silence lining up bouncy balls all day in a world of his own but although he still struggles he will now play not directly with her but next to her with the same toys & will speak to her which is an amazing improvement for him & she's the only one who can touch his lines! Although there has been the occasional melt down over it he has definatly improved alot so I totaly agree with what you said about them learning from each other, I don't know about the other problems but I've always been told hypermobility is horreditary & in my family so is autism as my brother, uncle, great uncle ect have it & my cousin, my brothers, my fiancé & I all have hypermobility me & my cousin being the worst cases & now both my kids have it my daughter being much more flexable then my son but it doesn't seem to bother her as much as she is very advanced for her age! So that is also something we have considered very carefully before we decided! Thank you very much for your reply & good luck for when/if you do decide to have another one xx

 

[velvetina]

You are very welcome hun, and no ds cant tell us why he cant do the music apart from "it's for babies", but is happy to watch Fireman Sam or Spongebob!!!!!! LOL x

 

[Camlet]

Lol bless him my little man loves sponge bob but his major obsession is mr men everything!! Lol xx

 

[hatbox]

Hypermobility is heridatary. My mom, me, my DD and DS have it. My kids do PT and OT to help. My DD also has custom orthotics to help her feet which in turn helps her back and knees. Of course we started her arthritis shots about the same time so it's tough to tell how much they helped. Do yall have pain as well or just the hypermobility? We've done heart checks and vision checks and were cleared there. If you ever need someone who understands how being extra bendy isn't all that fun, message me. Thankfully my son is more flexabile schedule and routine wise that a lot of ASD kids. I do try to switch things up on occassion on small stuff when we have plenty of time and then help him cope with it. For us it helped when we had to change bigger stuff out of necessity. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I don't think there is a right or wrong choice. Just different.

 

[Camlet]

Aww thank you hat box it means alot to me me & my little boy get the pain with our hyper mobility but my df doesn't & it doesn't affect my little girl much yet but she isn't walking yet so won't know until she does all I know is that she is alot more flexible than my little boy & he can't walk long distances or hold anything properly & is super clumsy! He does have OT aswell but what does pt stand for? My little boy was only diagnosed with hypermobility last year & only started his OT last month so we are still learning alot about his needs but so far have been told the basics like he needs specialy adapted pens ect & wears boots that support his ankles but are still working on his excersises ect thanks again for your advise & I am so glad to have met somebody like you who understands it all it does get annoying when you get people that it's just being flexable & he's fine when they aren't the ones up all knight when he's screaming in pain with his legs!! xx

 

[Adanma]

wow what a great thread! I have a 6yo boy with asperger's who is hyper mobile as well. That's it's own set of issues isn't it!? I have a 4 yo boy who is NT and we are currently going through IVF to have our third. My oldest was young enough when I had my second that he just kind of grew up with Preston always around so it wasn't so much of an issue I guess. I do worry now as they will be 7 and 5 when/if I have this next baby. Ian keeps suprising me though with his adaptability. He adapted so well to school I was just schocked! But I do worry about regression, noises, not as much attention etc and how that will all affect him. I do not think it's selfish to want more kids. I always say if everyone's kids were as awesome as mine they'd want loads too! haha! It natural to worry about how he will do, but you also can't mak major decisions about your own life (like number of kids) based on what he would like. It's a consideration sure, but it has to be about you and your husband. We almost did not go to San Diego on vacation worried about how Ian would react to the crowds etc. SO glad we went and we made sure to have a special train museum day just for him so he was totally cool with it! Can't live in fear eh? Good luck to you guys and keep us all posted on what you decide and how it all works out.

Adanma